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Follow-up to my blog yesterday

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 10/29/2020 - 5:56am

First for those who suggest that I view my children as a prize to be won- F off. 

Second, anxiety disorder sucks. I hope you never have it. I was jumping down the road with all the negative possibilities and spinning myself up. What I needed from this group was support - thanks to those who actually gave it.

I was able to talk to DH last night (he was on a 24 hr duty) and he looked up the possible bases we could go based on positions that will be open at that time. As of now, it looks like there are 2 positions that will be open for us to stay here. He will be on a different ship and we will be looking at a 12 month deployment with either of them (which REALLY sucks), but it looks like he might be able to keep us here- which is great. 

Then I woke up this morning with a text from my kids SM. DD13 and DS15 are out there right now for a visit. They gave me Thanksgiving this year so we could be with my mom (she has breast cancer and undergoing chemo) and since they are online we decided that they could go out there for a few weeks and they could spend DD's birthday with her.

"DD" was talking to me about a tv show tonight and was referencing a mom and step-mom relationship and said "you know the ones at are good friends like you and my mom are". It made me smile and love that we have this relationship. I just wanted to share that with you <3

Everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens it will be ok. I am not good with rolling with it. I am not good with unknowns. I need to feel in control of my life- I have been through a lot. But in this case... It is going to work out no matter what. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 10/29/2020 - 6:04am

I just re-read your blog - I don't believe 13 and 15-year-old kids should be able to choose where they live, nor should they be put in the position to choose.  That's how parental alienation happens. If they spontaneously ask to live with the other parent, maybe, but not in the context of a custody battle.

I do understand anxiety and how the irrational fears can just spiral. I'm sorry you were accused of not caring about your children's wants. I've been a witness to parental alienation too, and I didn't hear that in your blog at all. Just anxiety about losing time with your kids, which it seems to me might make any parent anxious. Your ex, I assume, agreed to be the Non-Custodial parent when you split - you didn't. You are used to being the CP and it's hard for women, especially, to picture not having that role of "mom".

I'm sorry people added to your stress. Now that my SS is older, I wish he hadn't been put in the position to choose, but that the court had left him out of it entirely. It damaged him to be asked to make that decision, as it has damaged your SS. Hopefully your kids will be spared that.