I would go to my SD's funeral, for DH. We've never not gotten along and I don't have any bad feelings towards her. I don't have any real love for her, either, so I wouldn't go if DH had already died.

I don't think my SD would attend my funeral and that's fine.

DH does not want BM attending his funeral.

I get this completely! Not with skids but with HCBM. She would most definitely go to DH (And mine for that matter) funeral jus r to play it up or ruin the day. If something horrid happened soon I would definitely think about having security there!

On another note - me have SO and I are not married. And 'our' house was his house. We habe intentions of changing the deed and creating a will for both of us. But again it something were to happen now skids would think nothing of having me and my bios removed immediately.

It's sad, and not morbid. It's reality.

This kind of thing generally goes into the category of "don't trouble trouble, till trouble troubles you".

There is really no right answer that fits all situations.... so what might work for me might not be ok with other people.

I think this topic came up a few weeks (months??? lol) ago.. And it set me thinking...

The Skids definitely. I'm raising them, they're mine except legally, and I REALLY do care about them. If BM showed I might be semi-upset, since she abandoned them and told her sister she doesn't love them... But legally she is mom... So I'd just avoid her at all costs while there.

If DH passed, I would be heartbroken (besides all the other stuff I'd be doing to petition the girls stay with me at that point....) BM wouldn't be allowed at that funeral... You can tell people not to let specific people in, and if she somehow did make it in, I'd kindly ask for her to be escorted out... She's caused nothing but pain for DH and nothing but stress for myself. They never had a really good relationship (she slept around during dating, just wanted her military benefits, which is why she got preggo, then cheated the entire marriage too.) and to me it's completely unacceptable for her to show up to that.

I too am hoping I'll never have to think about any of this until we're all super old (or I could go first and not have to deal with any of it... LMAO) too. Just try not to worry yourself too much over all the what-ifs! That's normally what puts me into the most of a fog is when I let that start getting to me!

I don't even want to think about anything ever happening to skids. It would destroy DH.

If DH passes before I do, BM had better not show her face. She has treated him horrible and continues to. She doesn't get to play sad exwife at his funeral.

I do wonder what would happen if BM passed. I'm sure DH would be upset. He was married to her, and if the kids are still minors he will have to take them to her funeral. I'm not sure I'd be able to put up with DH said over BM for more than a few days. I really hate her and the only reason her passing would make me sad is because we would have both kids full time with no breaks. }:)

I would go to the funerals of the SSs but wouldn't go to BMs as I have never met her. SO and BM have a decent relationship so I'm sure he'd go, especially to support the SSs.

I would go solely to support my DH.

I don't see how this is even a question honestly. No matter how I feel about SD- if they passed I would 100pct no doubt be there for my dh.

Also said, I haven't ever thought of sd dying. Ouch! But yes BM lol- and NO DH wouldn't attend her funeral.

BM would not be allowed at dh's funeral. It was bad enough she showed up for FIL's viewing/funeral even though his family detested her and she made their lives a living hell (my in-laws and dh). They thought she would punish/withhold SD if they made waves about it- which might have been possible honestly.

Ex- wife died before I met DH. He did go to the wake and funeral.
YSD -- wake and funeral
OSD -- funeral only. No way will DH and I sit in a funeral home with her husband or his family for a wake.

Wills and power of attorney for health care and financials are done. I'm not leaving anything to chance, and want to ensure that my bios have as trouble free, as possible, settlement of my meager estate after my death.

}:) There are a few people whose funerals I eagerly await, my MIL who is over 80 and has always been judgmental and nasty toward me for no reason at all.

1. I could stay home and send the message that she was no friend of mine and have everyone talking about what a horrible person I am.

2. I could go and try to look sad while smirking inside that I no longer have to share the earth with this woman. This is probably the correct choice because I'll appear supportive and no one will know how I really feel.

SD- pretty unthinkable, she's a teenager. I would be there, it would be devastating.

BM- I would not go, I'd just assume DH would go to be with SD. Sometimes you just have to forget the feelings and be supportive.

Serious illness, death, birth, weddings- all of those are "forget the past" situations.

My grandparents were divorced, but my grandpa came to my grandma's funeral alone. He was remarried, but he burst out bawling LOUDLY. I wonder what his wife would have thought, but it was good to see him there and see that he really cared.

On the flip side of this…ask yourself if you would want any of the stepkids or in my case, stepadults, at the funeral of your child.
Of course if your stepkids are half siblings to your child it’s a different story.

I know it’s a thought no one wants to think about but the unimaginable does happen.
Back in 2012 my youngest died in a car accident. Now my son was a very outgoing person and anytime he walked in the house, he would always say hello to everyone and try to strike up a polite conversation with anyone but my skadults would always ignore him. As soon as my son died, they were all over FB garnering sympathy for themselves. At the funeral service they attempted to sit in the family section but I told my husband beforehand that he needed to handle his kids and they were not going to be anywhere near me. He totally understood and agreed. The middle skadult (JJ) really wanted to be a part of the service in some way. My son’s friends and brother had already planned before hand to be the pallbearers. Well JJ literally tried to shove his way in at the end of the service as my son’s casket was to be wheeled out. “Somehow” JJ slipped and fell and by then my husband hand JJ by the arm leading him back to his seat. JJ never had an interest in getting to know my son until after he died and suddenly he was all about my son. He saved all the news casts on the DVR. After JJ moved out, my husband and I found a copy of the obituary, funeral program, prayer card and all the newspaper articles that had to do with my son’s accident taped to the wall in the closet.

DH and I both have agreed to cremation without ceremony. Skids welcome to attend cremation.

If adult SS died I would be sad, wear black and go to funeral. If adult SD died I would wear red and go to funeral. Just kidding... maybe.

Weddings and funerals can bring out the worst in people, especially where dysfunction exists.

If any of the principal players are high conflict, the likelihood of shenanigans occurring increases. And if those high conflict players are female, the odds go up even more. Females tend to bunch up and feed off each other.

My DH comes from a family with a lot of females and a lot of drama, so I've seen some silliness at funerals. And I don't think it's borrowing trouble to recognize potential points of conflict and develop a plan of action for them. We have members on this site who've been physically attacked by BMs or skids, so the threat of violence is quite real for some of us.

I say, expect the worst and plan for it. If that means prepaying and planning final arrangements for you and your spouse, do it now. Then you'll have peace of mind.

I would go, even if it's only to support SO, and I will allow BM to come to his. I really have no problem with this.

but I will not go to the mourning tea and I will not allow BM to come to the mourning tea....

church fine... grave fine and then cheerio bitch....

although we both decided to be cremated and what should happen with it,