Tiger7's picture

Made myself laugh

Reading through another blog entry, I said to myself I hate BM's. Starting laughing cause I'm a BM too. My ex is so freaking lucky that I was a good BM. He was a terrible husband I could've raked him over the coals but I never took him to court for cs, never kept him from the kids, never bad mouthed him to the kids, etc. We got through their childhoods with some bumps and arguments but we even vacationed a couple of times together as a family for their sake. We spent all holidays together. I was very close to his family. Today, our kids are grown (29, 27 & 22); he's remarried and I'm even close with his wife. I should remind him of how easy he had it with me...lol

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I feel the same . I am a

I feel the same . I am a dream ex. I am not crazy. I share my children 50/50.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

On behalf of all of us

On behalf of all of us dealing with psycho BMs... Thank you for being sane. lol

I love dogs's picture

Ditto!

Ditto!

strugglingSM's picture

You should! It's not quite

You should! It's not quite the same, but my family loves DH. My parents treat him like a king when we visit, always making sure the fridge is stocked with his favorite things. When we went out there for the wedding, my family planned special events for his children. My parents always say that it's fine for them not to see me on holidays because DH's holiday schedule is such a cluster.. If I'm having a hard time with something and talk to them about it, they always remind me that I should be kind and sympathetic to him because his life is challenging as a divorced dad with a difficult ex wife. His family on the other hand has been skeptical of me from the start because they think I'm going to try to shortchange his kids. Several of the women in his family have been downright hostile to me. MIL always questions why we want to do anything ourselves without the children, including spending holidays with my family. Of course, we live near his family, not mine. I remind him all the time that he's so lucky to have in-laws like my parents and so lucky to have a family like mine who is welcoming both to him and his children.

On a BM-related note, I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

^^^That last paragraph is

^^^That last paragraph is gold

I love dogs's picture

My parents love DH and treat

My parents love DH and treat him like a son. His mom is passed and his dad is addicted to pills and flaky so he really appreciates my sane family.

I also second the last paragraph being golden! It is so true.

jct918's picture

Completely agree with your

Completely agree with your last sentence!!! Unfortunately, that's my world. However, since I've disengaged things are much different.

Aniki's picture

That's my world, too. I am

That's my world, too. I am also disengaged, so it's less stress for me, but BioHo continues to try and make it a nightmare. Sadly, the SDs are turning into mini BioHos.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

notsobad's picture

"On a BM-related note, I do

"On a BM-related note, I do think it's the BM who sets the tone for the relationship. If she's controlling, hasn't moved on, or makes everything into a competition for time and resources then the SM is in for some drama."

Truth!

My youngest son(20 att) came home from helping his Dad, my exH, move in with his new GF. The new GF told BS that the spare room was his to use whenever he wanted. That he could put up posters or pictures and could pick the bedding.
He came home laughing and in a snide way told me what she'd said. He said how dumb is that, I live here with you, why would I need a room there?

Now, I had a choice. I could have laughed with him and said what an idiot she was.
What I did instead was tell him how nice it was of her to try to make him feel that he had a place in his Dads new home. That he should thank her and appreciate that she's thinking of him and trying to include him.

His attitude completely changed.
He started to see her actions as loving and inclusive, not that she was trying to push herself on him.
They have a very good relationship, she loves him very much and that is good for him.
She and I have good relationship too. In fact I like her a lot more than I like my ex, Hahahaha.

I'm secure in the relationship that I have with my son. I know nothing and no one is going to change that. The more people that love him and look out for him, the better off he is.
Isn't that what we all want for our children? For them to be loved, happy and healthy?

strugglingSM's picture

Your thoughts and feelings

Your thoughts and feelings are what I would expect all moms to feel. Sadly, that is not the case. I hope your son and your ex realize how lucky they are to have you in their lives.

I'm never going to replace BM and I'm not even trying to, but shouldn't it make her feel good that someone else is looking out for her kids? Instead, any time I do or say anything, she thinks I'm just trying to make her look bad. As a SM, I'm rarely thinking about her. I'm more focused on building a relationship with my SSs and trying to step into the "role model" role for them. Everything she says and does is so rooted in her own insecurities that she's not even supporting her kids!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I agree with you! You focus

I agree with you! You focus on the Skids! My only exceptions are: 1) when she’s flirting with my DH or trying to get closer, or dressing as a slut around him. That’s not because she’s the ex though, that’s because I’m not okay with any woman doing that. Lol 2) when she’s putting kids she’s supposed to love in harms way and using them. But she’s more of a side issue there, the priority is attempting to keep the Skids safe, the disbelief just comes that their own mom is doing it, and any kid in my charge I would feel the same towards anyone else hurting them.

Wish all moms were like her... The Skids don’t need all the extra confusion and conflict.

Aniki's picture

Notsobad, it would certainly

Notsobad, it would certainly make a HUGE difference if all BMs behaved like you did.

I went into my marriage and continued to be MYSELF. I'm an excellent cook and baker. I used to cook for my exH and former skids and never thought twice about being me and doing it with my new hubby and skids.

Well, BioHo took that as a declaration of WAR. She can't cook to save her life (unless you count microwaving stuff or putting premade food in the oven to cook/heat) and can't/won't make even a box mix of brownies/cake or premade cookies you just plop on a sheet. I was officially The Enemy. Even more horrific, I didn't even TRY to be "stepMOM" - I was/am Aniki. Period. Dot. The skids have a mother. She's a fukking sh!tty excuse for a mother, but she is theirs!!

Had she taken a bit of time to think that "Wow, his new wife is NICE. She even takes a back seat on skid weekends so the skids get the majority of Mr. Aniki's attention."

Nope. In her teeny tiny mind, I was trying to usurp her position. Because SHE is not a nice person, there was no way in he!! that *I* could be nice. Such is life.

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

notsobad's picture

I think that because I was an

I think that because I was an SM before my kids had one, it was much easier for me. I knew that I didn't want to be that crazy ex, who made everyone's life hard.
I don't need for my kids to prove to me daily that they love me more than anyone else. I know they do!

BM here is so insecure she doesn't even want the kids to call me Stepmom. She flipped her lid, saying I didn't have anything to do with the raising of HER children, so no way should I get the title of Mom.

I felt very much like you, just by being me I was somehow trying to take over her position of Mom.
Which is completely not the case, and if she wasn't so damn insecure she'd know it! Being a Mother myself, I know that there's no way any other woman could take my place in my sons lives.

I confess that I understand why BMs put SMs down, they think its a way to bond with their kids. A common enemy that they can make fun of or put down. Like catty mean girls in high school.
However, it's very sad that they don't see how it messes their kids up.

My son getting along with his SM has made him happier and more well adjusted. I see it in how he talks about his Dad and her.

Aniki's picture

BioHo is a narcissist and

BioHo is a narcissist and control freak. When DH was no longer able to take the skids whenever 'Ho wanted to go drinking/whoring, she lost her shizznit. It was all MY fault because DH's work schedule changed!! On non-skid weekends, she expected him to take the skids and he started refusing because he finally had an active social life with ADULTS.

'Ho's problem was she can put me down aaaaaaall she wants. I no longer cook or bake for the skids (because I don't do extra things for people who treat me like crap), but I'm still nice. She's even tried making up crap. DH just laughs about it and sets the skids straight. Evil

I decided to stop reaching out. It's just asking to get my hand slapped. ~Aniki

The juice ain't worth the squeeze. ~SourGrapes

Shun her like an Amish chick who got caught wearing a thong. ~Echo

Tiger7's picture

Absolutely. I liked my ex's

Absolutely. I liked my ex's wife because she loved our kids so much. Never felt threatened.

blayze's picture

Agree. This past summer my

Agree. This past summer my ex called me "Ex-wife of the Century." lol He said that his friends are all dealing with crazy ass BM's who stick their noses into the new relationships and try to control everything. He deals with nothing like that and he even invited me, my parents, and my aunt and her family on vacation in August when he got a 3 bedroom beach condo for him and our son. When everyone was asleep, we walked along the beach and discussed our plans for homework/schoolwork with the kid, business plans, and who we were dating. We're both low maintenance as hell and only care about the kid. (He's fair and kind, so I never tried to get child support, however, he supports his kid because he makes quite a bit more than me!)

I complain about and HAAAAATE bitchy ass BM's who get away with abuse. They give us all a bad rap.

Swear to God, I feel like I was just a carrier for our son. Though I have the scars to prove it, those two were peas in a pod since 3 weeks after I found out I was preggo. Even though he spoils our kid to death, I have to admit, after going through stepshit, that he's the best dad (and ex) I could have had! And I work hard to make sure he feels the same about me. Keep it classy. Keep it fair.

strugglingSM's picture

I'm glad your ex realizes how

I'm glad your ex realizes how lucky he is!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Would NEVER let DH go

Would NEVER let DH go virtually anywhere with BM... Not even because she’s the ex. But because she shamelessly throws her slurred up self at him ALL THE TIME. And DH is too dumb to notice. I WISH all BMs were as respectful and level-headed as you are! That would make a HUGE difference for everyone, particularly the Skids.

Acratopotes's picture

hehehe you all can hand over

hehehe you all can hand over the dream Ex crown to me thank you....

I never demanded CS, not even a cent from the bastard..... and I've not talked to him in 20 years, I don't even know where he is and I give his new wife no shit at all lol

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Gold star. Our BM doesn’t

Gold star. Our BM doesn’t ever take care of the skids, so if she just wanted to Amish so I could get them in therapy for abandonment rather than emotional and physical (physical is improved but suspected) abuse and neglect... That would simplify a LOT.

So here’s your crown Acra. Lol

secret's picture

I'm a pretty dreamy ex-wife

I'm a pretty dreamy ex-wife too.

No child support...we always discussed major kid spending since we hold a joint account, we both have the kids 50/50... never denied him the kids, never forced them on him...we followed the week on week off with no issues. We alternated holidays on our own. We were flexible when things came up, such as family coming into town on our off week or a trip with family where timing was on the off week.

I have hardly ever chewed him out over the years about something related to the kids... when I have, they were things like... "the kids told me they were riding a moped without a helmet - please make them wear a helmet." or "dd came home with a shirt that is cropped too short and shows too much cleavage - she's 12, can you please not buy her clothing like that".

I never got up in his personal business, and he never got up in mine.

We've been civil when coming across each other, whether in private such as running into each other on a public city bus and greeting each other, or at a child-related event such as a 1st communion or school event.

es stört mich nicht

Tomatoe's picture

No ex wifes are dreamy. Lol

No ex wifes are dreamy. Lol his new lady had picked you apart and blown up all your faults like the ladies here do. You aren't any different than other bms.

secret's picture

Joke's on you, he doesn't

Joke's on you, he doesn't currently have a new lady.

es stört mich nicht

blueskies4me's picture

If biowhore had her dirty

If biowhore had her dirty spawn 50% like is in the CO
Paid what she was supposed to
Didn’t ditch her spawn in my lap and flounce
Stop doing drugs around spawn
Try to ditch him on us when she wants to get wasted and whore around
Not contact MY HUSBAND with honey do tasks or bullshit whiney tales about non skid issues
Teach the brat manners, obedience and respect
Drive 50%

I probably wouldn’t have an account here at all. Biowhore makes MY life hell. I am entitled to hate her.

Not my kid, not my problem!

Tiger7's picture

I feel ya. Because I got

I feel ya. Because I got along with my ex, it was a shock dealing with BM. She's batshit crazy and I can't stand her.

blueskies4me's picture

Ughh that sucks!

Ughh that sucks!

Not my kid, not my problem!