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How would you feel?

zerostepdrama's picture

This is just a general question. While it could apply to my life (and kind of has at times)it's nothing directly with my life. I'm curious as to what others think and how they would feel.

How would you feel about hosting your out of town in-laws at your house for a skid celebration that you weren't invited to and flat out told DO NOT COME. So while in-laws are making a big deal about the celebration... you just have to sit there and listen to it all and be a polite host.

Thoughts?

(and take out the factor of "My DH wouldn't attend if I wasn't invited")

Comments

oneoffour's picture

I would tell them that this is not a good time. When they ask for more details I would tell them that I have my reasons and this is just not a good time. If pressed I would tell them as their grandchildren have specifically excluded me and as I am not to have any part of the event and I do not run a motel then I am choosing not to involve myself with anything to do with the event. Here is the number for the local La Quinta.
Orrr... I would tell DH he is welcome to entertain his parents. I am off out of state for 4 days. Oh and I am not coming back to a mountain of laundry or a messy house. Go for it DH. Enjoy running around after your parents and being their go-fer. I will be sleeping in and smiling... a lot.

sunshinex's picture

Nope, and if my husband asked me to host his parents for such an event, I'd question how much he truly cares about me, too. I know my husband would be livid if, when older, SD chose not to invite me to an event that was important. He wouldn't attend the event, either, if she didn't invite me. But that's because he values my place in our little blended family and most of all, he values what I do for SD.

ESMOD's picture

I will be a bit of the odd one out here I guess.. with a lot of "depends" thrown in.

If his parents were coming in to visit with him and you for a long weekend because there was a baby shower for one of his kids... I would not care and in fact be happy I wasn't forced to attend that shower..lol.

If I was disengaged from his kids and there was a kid related thing going on (graduation for example) and I wasn't interested in participating.. I could see my DH wanting to go and his parents too. Me not going doesn't mean I can't host his parents.

If his parents were coming in for a family reunion (no BM) and I wasn't allowed to go to my DH's family reunion? Not so much. If I am not good enough for his family party then I am not good enough to host his parents.

Another depends factors in to what level of incovenience and relationship I have with his parents anyway. If my relationship is ok with them, I wouldn't let some other "not ok" relationship issues prevent me from hosting them and causing hard feelings. (even though you may have hard feelings about the party it may not be their fault and they shouldn't suffer).

In the end, if they are decent people, they should have enough tact not to gush on about a party with someone who is not invited.

But if these people are AH's then suggest a hotel and you aren't up for hosting.

still learning's picture

Do you get along w/the IL's? If you do then it may be nice to host them regardless of the occassion. On the other hand it's terrible that you're so blatently excluded. I'm not a grandparent yet but I know I'd be very disappointed by my family members acting like jr. high bullies.

strugglingSM's picture

How would I feel? I would feel hurt, taken advantage of, annoyed, not supported by my DH who didn't stand up to his parents.

What would I do?

My first thought is no way would I host them, but then I read some of the other comments and I agree it would depend on how your relationship is with your ILs.

I would wonder why they didn't feel embarrassed to be doing that and why they didn't feel that maybe whoever is throwing the Skid event that you're not invited to should be hosting them?

My parents are very big on not imposing on people and also would feel really embarrassed to be going to a family event if someone wasn't invited. I was raised that staying at someone's house is imposing on them and also that it's rude not to invite everyone to your parties, so it's hard to take that hat off.

Now that I have ILs of my own, though, I realize how difficult it can be to adapt to someone else's family culture. DH's family cares much less about being rude or imposing on people and DH often thinks my parents should just get over being so polite.

Dovina's picture

This certainly wouldn't sit well. I guess it depends how the in laws are with you? If I were the in laws I would feel uncomfortable and awkward to even ask you to stay with you knowing you are not invited. But that's just me.
Was it both you and DH not invited?

DaizyDuke's picture

Do your inlaws make any attempt whatsoever to see you or your DH besides these stupid skid "events"? Because if they don't then I agree, their request is rude and would be denied. It's not like they come to see you guys, they just USE you guys, because they are too cheap to get a hotel.

TexasPickles's picture

WTF? This seems pretty heartless to me.

Do you get along great with these people?Are they just stopping by to kill a couple of hours....that would be a "maybe."

Overnight? Hell no. DENIED!

Acratopotes's picture

Nope - my house is not a hotel sorry....

I do not care if I'm invited or not, my house is not a hotel for family and friends , there's plenty of accommodation establishments in a town they can make use off.