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Sheltered Children - Overly Protective Parenting

KH4573's picture

Advice for visitations with a 13 year old SD who is coddled and over cautiously parented at home with BM?

This child has serious social inadequacies and no self esteem from overprotective parenting at her house where she lives. The transition to our household every two weeks is unbearable to me as her SM and I get anxious when the time comes for her visitation. To say it is awkward having her visit is an understatement. Since we only have her twice a month it seems futile to think we can help her develop where she is seriously lacking. It is embarrassing, she cannot talk to strangers and acts so odd it draws attention. She cannot do simple age appropriate tasks herself because her "mommy" does them for her at home. When I encourage her to be self sufficient she get embarrassed and starts fidgeting and talking in a funny voice, then escapes to the restroom to calm down or whatever weird stuff that soothes her anxiety.

Any advice to cope with her visits which seem like a prison sentence or a punishment?

JustGettingUsedToThis's picture

I'm not sure how much my step daughter's biological mom coddles her but my husband was really bad about it. It's gotten much better. I met my step daughter when she was 5 years old. Let me put it this way- she still used a sippy cup and couldn't so much as undress herself.

It's been a long battle. I started sloowwly saying things to my husband. It wasn't easy and we had a lot of upsets. I just had to learn how to choose my words wisely and kept encouraging my husband do his best.

I know in this case, it is the biological/custodial mom she lives with but you still have an influence. More than you know. Keep trying. Let her know you believe in her. Be positive about it.

Does she see a therapist?