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Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 8:59am

Hi all,

Another long time lurker coming forward. I've received so much help reading everyone who has been so kind to share their stories over the last 5 years.

Thanks in part to this site, as a child-free woman once divorced, I have remained a loyal, but unmarried, partner to my SO. He has 3 girls now 11 to 15 years old. Perfectly normal young ladies, each with their unique quirks and individual joys. But nothing out of the ordinary (I taught high school and for about 10 years, so have seen my fair share of teens).
P
There's always a catch of course, or none of us would be here.

I drew good kids, but the crazy bio-mom. Her antics have ranged from:
- withholding them when they were young

-never believing the CO covers her behavior

- some minor and very weird stalking of me (which did finally get shut down more or less, but not before she managed to get a job at my old company working with (but not under) my former boss

-ongoing mental abuse of the girls (telling very very thin girls they are fat, stupid, etc.)

-several bouts of physical abuse of the oldest girl (for frankly annoying but absolutely normal teen age talking back) where the eldest was thrown into a mirror causing it to break

- on another occasion beating the eldest in front of one of the girls friends, resulting in police visits. But in NJ it's ok as long as their aren't bruises.

Comments

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 9:01am

So somehow part of this post got lost. So I will create a part two later, finishing my story!

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 9:35am

So smashing kid's face into a mirror chancing shredding face to pieces is 'ok', but leaving a bruise is 'bad'. Your child protect services dept. sounds lovely Sad

Welcome Aunt Agatha.

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 1:25pm

Part 2:

Well she went back first, which probably helped avoid injury. But I agree.

In the end, my SOs lawyer said because she hasn't done anything illegal, it would be expensive to gain custody for the few years before they are 18. The girls themselves spend most weekends not with us with their grandparents- who are lovely people and agree something is wrong with their daughter. She treats them no better than anyone else, and routinely fights with them as well.

The oldest now goes to an amazing art and science focused boarding school closer to us, so during the school year, my SO is very active with her and the school. The middle girl spends the majority of her time with friends, and the youngest spends a lot of her time reading, writing and making great iPhone movies. It's amazing how adjusted they are, but they know their mom isn't right either.

Anyway, thanks to the great advice of everyone here, I've maintained the role of the fun aunt with them. I do what I want with them, and allow them plenty of one on one time with their dad. We all get along fine, and they actively participate with SO and I when they are here.

So I am truly grateful to have been able to learn from everyone here, and hope to help others when I can!

MoominMama's picture

Submitted by MoominMama on Sun, 08/20/2017 - 2:55pm

Hi Aunt Agatha. I'm glad you found the posts here helpful. I did too. It's good too that you have a good relationship with your steps, not many have that. I suspect though, with a mother who is physically and mentally abusive it helped the skids to bond to you.