Pecanflower's picture

School is about to begin! HALLELULIA....OH FARTS

SS15 is going into the 8th grade this year (He is behind socially and scholastically due to his autism and adhd) We are looking forward to another year of positive growth. In the past two years he has made leaps and bounds of progress; of which I am really very proud.

However, He is 15. It is time he started thinking about growing up a little bit more.

This is where I am the odd one out in my family. As the only NON-Autistic person...I am sometimes accused of not understanding. I do understand that SS15 is immature for his age and socially connects better with the younger kids; but it's time for him to start thinking about a future.

When he graduates high school at 20; what will he do for a living? Will he continue to college? If so; NOW is the time to start buckling down and getting the better grades.

I want to see him taking it more seriously at home. Last year, I swear, I never saw him working on anything at home...Hell, if he would just read something that has NOTHING to do with video games I would be happy.

DH didn't seem to be on the same page with me today when I tried to talk about this year being a crucial year. He seemed to think that we should just wait and see what the teaching team has to say. Which makes me....tense...to put it nicely. DH had better start taking my thoughts a little more seriously.

At 15, I knew I wanted to be a teacher or journalist. I knew that the ONLY way out of my white trash existance was through education; and I put myself through college. I did become a journalist. Now...well, I am back in college because that liberal arts degree is useless and Journalism as I know it is no more (Don't get me started--seriously--don't)

Maybe that is why I am worried for his future so much.

He will launch. Gorram it! I know it will be when he is 21 or 22...but he will launch.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Ummm he has autism. He may

Ummm he has autism. He may never be able to live fully independent. He may not go to college. It's unclear. You and your family need to be working with teachers and doctors to figiure out what is realistic. Your DH is correct about that. This year is no different then the ones before. He's not going to respond the same way as a "normal" teenager so don't compare him to one or to who you were at that age.

Some days are hard but you just fight through them to get to the good ones.

Disneyfan's picture

Why are you comparing your 15

Why are you comparing your 15 year old typically developing self to a 15 year old autistic kid?

His path in life will be very different from yours. His is taking the right approach here

"Some of you nonstepparents should have disclaimers in your signature lines. Disney isn't a SM any more, but her's could read, "Was a SM. That shit is for the birds! I don't hate all SMs, though. I'm cool."" LadyFace

Pecanflower's picture

You guys are all correct of

You guys are all correct of course. I just worry about him and feel that he is falling further and further behind; even tho' I see that he is making great progress. I guess I wouldn't be a Mom if I didn't worry. As DH said, "Honey, You had to grow up too fast as it was. He is going to be years behind where you were."

I do want to make it clear that he is high functioning on the spectrum and I fully expect him to, if not live independantly, at least hold down a job that matches his abilities. And he knows this.

He is a good kid. I don't want him thinking that "Staying at home writing and playing games," is a proper way of living life. DH is a writer and is developing board games (haven't sold one yet but he is at least working on something) while he is home on disability.

TwoOfUs's picture

I think people took you too

I think people took you too literally.

There's nothing wrong with holding all kids to a high standard and pushing them to do their best...as long as you keep the accommodations he needs in mind.

notarelative's picture

I'm going to agree with you.

I'm going to agree with you. It's time to think long range. Yes, you can talk to the teachers, but SS is not their kid. The school system administration often takes the easy route and, as employees, teachers cannot push like parents can.

He's going into eighth grade. The job of the eighth grade teacher is to get him into ninth grade. Long term is parent responsibility.

If I were the parent I'd be talking about what is realistic long term. Is college realistic? Job training? What classes does SS need to get to the goal?

Parents of special needs students need to be their child's advocate. They need to know what is available for the child and advocate so that their child gets what they deserve.

TwoOfUs's picture

Yes. 100% what notarelative

Yes. 100% what notarelative says. It's actually unkind to not prepare SS for some kind of independence...even if it's living in a group home or some other assisted living at some point. His parents won't be there for him for the rest of his life, in all likelihood...so the time to start fostering independent living skills is now.

Cooooookies's picture

I understand and agree with

I understand and agree with what you're saying...and am also in the same boat. My SS will be 15 next month and also has autism and language impairment. Despite all of this, he is super smart and I do believe he could achieve independence of some sort. Funny how SS "remembers" to do everything when he's grounded and can't be on his precious video games.

I have been trying to convince DH for 4.5 years now to stop treating SS like a speshul snowflake. I think it's finally starting to work. Of all things, DH watched a video on FB about this kid who grew up with a strict mother. She made him do all sorts of household chores, laundry, dinner, pay rent at 18, etc but it taught him how to be independent as an adult. Something finally connected with DH and he made SS help him do yard work yesterday and his own laundry. He had a talk with SS and basically quoted all the stuff I've been saying to him for years now.

Your SS might achieve everything but at a much different pace and level. Maybe it will only be a group home or maybe he'll be married. You just never know. Hopefully your DH will encourage him to progress as high as he can possibly manage. However I think he should be doing chores at home and activities that don't involve video games. Keep casually encouraging your DH to give him a bit more responsibilities. Hopefully something in your DH will click too. Also if your DH is also autistic, look where he is now. He's doing more than just being in his room playing video games. Hopefully he'll expect the same of his son too.

"She doesn't have the control over SS that she used to. She doesn't have control over DH. And I'm going to be the scapegoat." ~RosaluOsliar