Hello all! Its been a while since I've posted because SO and I broke up for almost a year but recently started seeing each other again. I wouldn't say that we're back together per se, but spending time together. After months of inner reflection, I believe that one root cause of our issues boils down to the fact that I'm a childless by choice woman and he is a family man. Every decision I make for my life excludes kids. Every decision he makes for his life includes kids.

SD is now 22, recently graduated from college, and already has a full time job as an accountant making more than enough money to launch. SS is now 18, recently graduated from high school, and also has a full time job making more than enough money to launch. SO has invited them to live at home for as long as they need - rent free. He has the right to make these decisions for himself and his adult children all day long. I have the right not to live with them as well. Our original plan was to wait until his kids were capable of independence to get married. That plan is obviously in the trash, not that we shoud be talking about marriage right now anyway.

Lots of people would argue that I shouldn't be part of his life if this is how I feel because I've known he has kids all along. I could counter-argue that he has known all along that I didn't want kids, but I made a genuine attempt to bond and blend anyway. We've both tried to walk away several times, yet we both keep coming back together. Its strange who the heart chooses to love. The sound of his voice and his laugh still make my heart flutter despite the fact I wish he'd get hit by a bus at times. (Not really so don't blow me up.)  *ROFL* 

I've decided that for now, my boundary is that I will spend time with just him and he has to do all the traveling since we can't have privacy at his house. We live over an hour apart. SKIDs are grown now and do not factor into our relationship at all whether they live at home or not. I don't believe its a good idea for me to spend any time around them until he and I are on solid footing and even then it will be for short periods of time only until trust and respect are rebuilt. (There was a big blow up between me and SD that was never resolved.)

I have no clue how to make this work so I'm taking it one day at a time. One thing I know for sure is that I'm not interested in being a SM any more than I'm interested in being BM. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that and he will have to find a way to accept me for who I am. I too will have to learn to accept him for who he is. We have a long row to hoe.