DH says yes, meet me out back.

He said, "Yes," what the f^ck is her problem?

Definitely trickle down from OSD's bullshit. Now they are just ganging up on you guys and making it so obvious. Your DH really needs to have a sit down with them and set them straight.

She thinks you're not a good person because you don't force your husband to have a better relationship with them? How is that your responsibility?

People need to manage their own relationships with family members. Nothing good comes from someone outside of those relationships trying to force things. It almost always backfires.

If she just had the baby, my guess is that the crazy is amping up as a result. During a pregnancy, everything is rainbows and puppies and delusion, and once the baby comes, the crazy starts. New mom is angry that everything isn't magically working the way she thought it would, hormones are off the charts, and everything is strange and wrong.

I don't know who your SD is associated with, but this could be fueled by BM (she's a PAS queen, isn't she?) or just from the chaos of having a new baby. And once that stuff starts, it's contagious through families. "OMG, Dad should be here, but he's with Zero! She's awful for taking him away. OMG, did you hear what she did?"

I would avoid that drama like the plague. They may settle down on their own, or your DH may get weak and cower back to them, like he's done something wrong. But it's all irrational.

Zero - why aren't all these numbers not blocked on your phone, why can the skids contact you?

DH says yes, meet me out back.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Is there any reason DH did not invite her in the house? I mean, she was coming over with a one week old late so maybe she thought she would be invited in to sit a bit.

Honestly, your DH sounds like he was a neglectful father to his bios. And you posting what a great father he is to your, bio only fanned that flame to an inferno. And you know I love ya Zero, but you I feel you knew exactly what you were doing when you did that. I just feel the DH wishes that everyone would not try to take up HIS precious time…especially his bios. That is why they contact you. They know you will respond. They know DH could care less to respond with anything other than a short answer.

JMHO, and what I gather from over the years.

I get it, they are crazy, but I have seen the damage a distant and neglectful father can do to his kids. If I were you, I would just stop responding to any of them. Let DH handle it all.

I don't understand these skids who insist on having Daaadddeeeeee chase them and beg them for some time...roll out the red carpet for them? I don't treat my mom that way—and I go see her frequently and always with something in hand. A coffee. A book I know she'll like. She lost my dad 10 years ago at 49...after a 10-year illness that decimated her finances. So, like...I know she's busy with work and managing their huge, 5-bedroom house / fixing it up so she can sell it and downsize and doesn't have time to arrange cool things with me every week or to entertain me. I just want to see her, so I make it fit HER schedule and her needs. Last week, her sisters were over / staying the night with her before they all headed out on vacation the next day. I dropped by with some wine & cheese and set up a little spread for them. They were playing a 4-person card game and it was clear that they wanted some sister time, so I put out the food, said some polite hellos...stayed about 30 minutes and then took off and let them have their time. You know how that made me feel? THRILLED that my mom has such a tight group of sisters who take care of her and some company as a young widow.

My skids are the same, though. Any time they hang out with us they want to know what WE are going to do for THEM. I don't totally mind it since they're still very young adults (21, 19, 17). But, man. It would be nice if even ONCE they brought something with them when they come over for dinner or offered to do something (even something very small like a coffee) for US. I just don't get how kids are raised these days...it's all about them and their needs all the time...even when they're adults...

Not sure why me posting on Monday set them off.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Because the day before on sunday, the skids sent a passive agressive text to DH to enjoy "his new son". Meaning your bio.

Then the very next day you post a collage of how great of a father DH is to your son and make sure to tag DH so the all the skids see it. lol.

Her hormones are probably sky high right now after just having s baby so I bet whatever little droppings of hate and alienation OSD has been leaving is starting to manifest themselves. I think there's probably a part of her that knows she's being unreasonable making this into something it's not (him saying yes then acting like he said no) and blaming you for it. From my POV she's blaming you for his lack of enthusiasm which is even more ridiculous than blaming you for their relationship going to shit.

"Why would your dad be enthusiastic about spending time with someone who treats his wife like crap? I'm sure not enthusiastic with someone who treats my husband like you do...in fact... I don't spend time with them at all."

I agree. It sounds like it was a trap to test DH's reaction to the idea of her coming over, with baby in tow, etcetera. I also agree that her emotions are already heightened, and ready to spring, after seeing that FB interaction the other day.

These daughters of his. They have some serious emotional issues. Having said that, they cannot deal with the fact that you choose to not take part in it. They need a villainous scapegoat in their story, and they're bound to make that person you.

But, you're a smart cookie and already know this, Zero.

I live this within DH's family. Swap out SDs for my MIL and it's never ending blame game, woe is me, there weren't problems until you came on the scene, drama. Cry me a freaking river, I say.

This sounds exactly like the messages my adult steps used to send me! I say "used to" because I quit responding. If they want to throw a hissy fit I refuse to engage. I send them to DH or ignore! DH used to say "y'all need to stop" and lump me in with them whenever they were throwing hissy fits instead of telling his kids to stop. I realized once I stopped adding fuel to the fire and removed myself from their crazy fights then he couldn't ignore their behavior. From now on if I get any crazy from the steps I hand DH my phone and tell him to respond however he saw fit.

The change was amazing not only with myself but DH. Since I was not saying anything back the steps couldn't twist what I said and come out looking like a victim. Dh had to focus on what they were doing because I wasn't responding there was nothing for him to defend from their side. Also it helped me mentally. Once I was done "defending" myself against crazy accusations I didn't worry about what they said or did anymore because honestly it has nothing to do with me. Both your DH and his children are too lazy to work on their relationship and throw you under the bus because it's easy to blame you then to grow the hell up. Last thing I said in a fight with the steps was DH was a grown ass man with his on phone and car if they had issues seeing him that was on him not me. And that's true for your situation too but all the adults including your DH are blaming you because your an easy out.

The daughters need to get in therapy to process their childhood of an angry foul mouthed mother and a father who checked out and hid at the bar. Then probably cut both parents out of their lives forever.

What a crock! Stepparents get the blame because we are the scapegoats. We could be all sunshine and light, put on our June Cleaver pearls and Stepford wife dresses and be all Martha Stewart-y, fart unicorn glitter and have rainbows come out of our ever-smiling mouths while we offer up their favorite treats on a sterling silver platter and we would STILL be the reason skids have a bad/non relationship with bioparent.

They are COD. Boo-fackin-hoo.
They are scarred for life. Waaaaaahhhh.
Being a COD means they are SOOOO fragile and bring an airplane full of baggage to any romantic relationship. Sob.

So it's the stepparents fault that:
* Skids have a poor relationship with bioparent
* Skids don't feel welcome
* Skids romantic relationships fail because their parents divorced
* Skids don't see bioparent as often as they want (meaning, bio should forever be at their beck and call).

SD21 pitched a freakin' hissy fit because DH had the NERVE to not be home on Father's Day when she stopped by. IOW, when he is not at work and it is not a skid weekend, he should obviously be sitting at home PINING for his children.

FFS

I get how she may feel. My father sounds a lot like your husband. The issue is I know how my father is and do not take it out on his SO. I actually just had a fight with him last week about him not responding to certain life events or making assumptions about me. He is just lazy and expects us (myself and siblings)to handle the relationship. I.E. make all the plans. He has gotten a little better and I actually think it may be do to his SO but I don't know for sure.

She is probably hurting and wanting a different kind of relationship with her father. Not sure how old she is but maybe she can have talk with him and tell him how she feels. Granted this has never worked for me as he may be stuck in his ways. She will just have to come to terms with how he is and either accept him for who he is or decide how much she wants him a part of her life. That is hard to do. I still struggle with it.

She should not be taking her anger out on you. Though she probably feels you are an easy target. This has nothing to do with you but with your DH. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

Can I cattily and nastily say I hope your YSD isn't planning on home schooling as her own grammar is certainly lacking?

When my SDs behave this way (they are estranged from each other so they don't join forces, they do it separately) DH says "here it starts again, three ring circus, I will be watching it from side lines". Because DH refuses to engage in drama, SDs get tired and behave, well until the next time.

My favorite story was when OSD had a baby (no father in the picture) she moved out of state and lived with some random people on and off. She was mad that DH would not fly to help out with the baby.

Well the obstacle was that OSD didn't have any kind of permanent address and had some random people she lived with. No one knew where she lived. DH kept asking for her address because he didn't even know which airport to fly to (large state)and where to book a hotel.

She refused to provide the address or while complaining how daddy is a neglectful grandparent.

She then drove to our state with no warning and called in the middle of the night telling him she is here and demanding daddy go see her at some friends she was staying immediately. He was unable to because he was at work. She then posted all over the place how he needs "to step up his game" and how because baby has no daddy she needs her dad. My DH is a very loving man and wants to be involved but not under the circumstances when it's impossible.

Things are better now but OSD still periodically demands he "steps up his game" which always means meets some very ridiculous unrealistic demands!

I know that at some point I likely will have OSD send me a text or email accusing me of the same things. I was very interested in reading opinions here. She never valued anything that I did, gave her Dad all the credit, did things to snub/embarrass me, tried to get DH to leave me. I disengaged and stopped planning DHs visits, so he visits less, and he gives crappy presents since I stopped the gift buying. So I know a meltdown with the finger pointed at me is coming.

I like the response that DH is an adult with a phone and a car, you, OSD are in your 40's so the two of you should be able to work it out. And nothing more.

DH's parents rarely travelled anywhere to visit him or the grandkids when they were young. But OSD has a much higher expectation of what her father should be doing for her and her children.

OP, I would not communicate with these skids at all until you see they have a healthy, age appropriate relationship with their father than is free of manipulation and subsequent punishment. I also realize that may never happen. If they don't have that with their father, they sure never will with their father's wife.