Another Request for Money. Of Course.
Most recent BM request for money. Actually, it started as an OSD request (OSD is almost 21, so DH has specifically told BM not to ask for money for her...that if she needs something, she should come to us directly.) But BM didn't think DH was responding to OSD quickly enough, so she stepped in.
This time, she wants us to pay about $100 for OSD's car title & tag as well as $155 for insurance for the month because OSD doesn't have it. In her email, BM reminds us that "she paid for ALL of OSD's school books this semester. Um. Yeah. And we paid for ALL of her schoolbooks in the fall...and the total amount was more. But that was what we agreed to. We pay fall, you pay spring. But then January rolls around, and you conveniently forget what we agreed to and ask us to split the books for the spring...when we say no and stick to our agreement, you mention that you had to pay for ALL of these books every chance you get. (She also included this fact when she asked us to pick up the tab for YSD's new glasses, which we did. "I can't right now because I paid for ALL of OSD's books this semester!!! Wah!!!")
GAAAHHHHHH!!!!! That is all. Just tired of the constant requests and the constant "forgetting" of our agreements.
I guess one good thing = DH is starting to see what he is to BM and OSD. His other two kids are great and come and see him, text him, and want to hang out all the time. OSD texts when she wants money and will, once in a while, come out to eat (if we're paying) or come over if we're feeding her dinner. When DH got the: "Hey, I'm not sure if OSD has gotten a hold of you about this...but give us $$$$" email from BM, he sighed and said: "If OSD ever came over or called me on the phone, maybe I'd jump when she texts..."
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I think he is. I don't
I think he is. I don't know...he read the email to me this weekend, and I haven't heard any follow-up. It irks me so much.
BM is moving into a smaller place in May because 2 out of 3 kids have moved out now. She should save about $500 a month in rent...wondering if the requests will slow down at that point.
We are always incredibly tempted to point out everything that we've covered and paid for (not to mention what DH's parents have paid for), but we usually take the high road. The other thing that BM often puts in her emails when she asks for money is that she keeps all 3 kids insured. A couple things:
1. Who keeps insurance on the kids is already figured into the CS calculation, so we are actually paying for that insurance as well.
2. CO says she gets to pay first $1000 of co-pays and other medical expenses.
3. We paid CS for longer than required on each kid who has aged out so far, and we've paid more than required.
4. We voluntarily picked up cell phone service for all three kids. Their portion of the cell bill is at least as much as insurance, if not more.
5. BM claims all 3 kids as dependents on taxes each year. The fact that we are unable to claim any dependents despite the fact that we support dependents actually makes OUR medical insurance much higher - nearly double what it would be if we could claim even ONE kid.
I could go on and on. It's absurd. We did point a few of these things out to her when she asked us to pay for YSD's glasses...because, because, because! She just paid for ALL of OSD's books...and she thinks the fact that she covers all three fulfills her obligation! A direct quote from her email:
"The fact that all three kids have medical, dental and vision insurance because I pay for it each month seems to fulfill the necessary contribution on my part. (The amount I pay to cover the three of them in addition to myself is over $2,000/ year). I think that contribution warrants asking for help with this."
What can I say? It's BM logic. DH responded with the above...particularly the fact that CO says she pays first 1K, skid portion of cell service is also over 2K a year...and she claims them all on taxes, getting back thousands each spring while we end up owing.
I should mention - we used to
I should mention - we used to get these requests about once a month or at least every 6 weeks. Always for the most ridiculous things...and always with some passive aggressive mention of what BM has paid for recently and/or the fact that she keeps all three kids insured.
Glasses request came in January, and this request mid-April, so at least they seem to be spacing out.
Can't wait to be done with BM soon. 1 more year on YSD. I mean, I'm SURE BM will find things she needs money for at least for a couple years after YSD turns 18 (OSD is almost 21, after all, and she's still asking for her), but at least we won't ALSO be overpaying CS.
I do feel like it's getting
I do feel like it's getting close.
OSD is incredibly lazy and "just hates" every job she ever gets. She also quits jobs before having a new one lined up...which is why she is short this month for car stuff. She quit the job she hated, and she hasn't gotten her first paycheck for her new job yet. Boo Hoo.
Seriously, though, she does cover her college classes (most covered through scholarships and other financial aid, so it's not much) and we do books, split every other semester between us and BM, supposedly. She also pays her rent and other needs...food, gas, insurance. I'm sure she lives on very little. With this request, she told my DH that she's thinking about taking a semester off in the fall in order to work more, and so could we do this for her in lieu of books in the fall. Overall, I think it's an OK request. Just annoys me that BM feels the need to step in when DH doesn't answer immediately...with the guilt trip all ready to go.
Of course, watch...mark my words. Either SD will not take a break and expect us to do books, "forgetting" all about this...or she will take a break and then BM will ask us to split books next spring since SD took a break in the fall. Just watch.
lol. Yeah...I mean, she pays
lol.
Yeah...I mean, she pays rent and her necessities. As well as covering her classes, which are 95% covered by scholarships and other financial aid. She gets a lot of money at Christmas from DH's parents, though. Like...$1000. Not sure where that all went to.
And, yeah, the glasses were for YSD who is about to be 17. But, still...BM needs to woman up and pay for some stuff sometime.
In your DH shoes - what OSD
In your DH shoes - what OSD needs 155 for insurance monthly for her car... guess who's walking then.
OSD is an adult and your DH
OSD is an adult and your DH is not obligated to pay for anything that BM request or demands or tries to put a guilt trip on your DH to pay. Is this in the CO that your DH has to pay for college and books etc.? Just curious because if it isn't I would tell OSD that she needs to be getting a job part time and then maybe your DH can help out. This boggles my mind that BM still expects your DH to still pay for things when OSD is an adult. Just because she is in college doesn't mean your DH doesn't have to foot the bill unless it's in the CO of course. This is a rock in a hard place when it comes to paying for things when skids are already adults.
I hope he sticks to making
I hope he sticks to making the skids come to him and not doing anything through BM.
That's what we did. BM ramped it up in the beginning, lots of angry texts (he wouldn't take her calls) and name calling but in the end we only had to deal with the kids and without BM pushing them and lying about how much they needed we worked it out.
One incident was when SS(20att) needed something for Uni. He never came to us but DHs phone blew up with BM saying how horrible he was for not supporting his son, that if she had the money she would just do it for him but since she wasn't working she couldn't help him.
And he would never know how bad it made her feel that DH had put her in a position where she was helpless and couldn't help her child!
Yeah, DH did that?!?
DH did relent and call SS, asked him what the h$ll was going on. Turns out he needed some books or something but that he was able to borrow them from a friend. No problem, no money needed just another reason for BM to lose her sh$t.
DH said well please tell your mother that you aren't starving to death so that she leaves me alone.
Yeah...that sounds like
Yeah...that sounds like something that would happen over here. How dare you not support your CHILDREN?!?!?!! Heard that one before.
OSD was plain awful to DH and both her siblings for years. It's sad, but one of the only times she contacts her dad is when she needs something...either a ride or $$$ or both. She is getting her car and license back after having it suspended. So, in a way I am happy for DH to help. Means no more texts about rides to work.
This is the girl who quit the job that she could walk to about 4 weeks ago to start a new job 20 minutes away from her home 3 weeks ago because she "hated" that job so much...knowing that she wouldn't regain driving privileges for 3 weeks. I don't know what she was expecting would happen? Now, because she hasn't been able to take as many hours as at her old job...and because she hasn't gotten her first real paycheck from her new job yet...she's short on what she needs to reinstate her vehicle. So...just like the rides...that becomes our problem, too. Uh...maybe you should learn a little patience...learn to have your transportation in place BEFORE quitting one job and taking another that's 20 minutes away?
I honestly don't even know where to start with crap like this.
Oh yes! He heard that one a
Oh yes! He heard that one a lot.
He finally said he had no problem supporting his children but he was done supporting her.
I'm very lucky that I have great skids, our problem is with BM and honestly since the skids are adults we rarely have to deal with her anymore.
There were the odd times that they'd try to scam DH and get more money than was needed but that was BM driven too.
I'm not sure that is was anything we did but both skids are now honest and don't ask for anything. DH would have given them anything they asked for but I made them explain exactly what it was for and provide receipts for most things.
I hope it works out for you guys. It's so much less stressful now.