Is this start of being excluded from sd life?
Its SO birthday next week and he asked to have sd9 for the evening so we can all go out for a family dinner. SO family do this for everyones birthday.
ExW emailed this eve stating Sd9 prefers to go to Brownies and a climbing wall experience rather than come out for meal. She compromised by allowing SO to collect sd9 from school but then must drop her at brownies.
Now i appreciate there has been compromise and for once Ex hasnt refused but SO is hurt and upset.
Brownies is every week and we know if sd doesnt want to go she doesnt have to - she has told us this. As a parent myself i think this decision of letting her go to brownies rather than spend time with her dad/family is wrong.
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This is the opposite of being
This is the opposite of being excluded. This is BM giving up time during her week so SD can be included on her dads birthday. I would change the day you all have dinner to a different night.
Hate to say, but I agree with
Hate to say, but I agree with the others so far. BM tried to compromise but also allow SD to go to an event that is important to her. I doubt that the climbing wall experience is a weekly activity for the brownies. I understand that the family dinner on birthdays is a tradition, but there comes a point at which conflicting schedules start preventing you from doing the actual day.
I agree with Peridwen, and if
I agree with Peridwen, and if SO gets hurt over a kid picking a climbing wall over hanging with the fam then wait until she is 15 YO. He needs to put his big girl panties on and get ready.
I think BM did what was best
I think BM did what was best for her daughter and tried to make it work the best she could with your DH. Growing up I hardly ever knew when it was my parents birthdays. We didn't run out to eat or any of that. It was just another day in the life of having kids and other things to do. I can see why the girl isn't as excited to go eat dinner with her dads family. It's not like it's one-on-one time with just him, it's her sitting around a table of people who will talk to her minimally at best.
So I asked my DH his opinion.
So I asked my DH his opinion. He would be upset that he was being told: well you can kind of have that time with her but you also can't. He says he doesn't see it as a compromised but a half-assed attempt at playing nice. DH said while he thinks it would have been better for the Dad to check SD's availability first, since it wasn't his day, the fact that it was a family party should trump a Brownie event. DH also said he'd be unhappy if SS10 missed an scout event due to poor planning on BM's part, but family is more important and he'd let BM have the time.
So essentially there are differing opinions in my house, lol.
Woah wait... Your DH knows
Woah wait... Your DH knows about this site? And happily gives his thoughts on situations? That's so cool! lol. I wish I could tell my DH.. I think he'd get uncomfortable that I come here to vent and don't particularly view steplife as perfect
My DH isn't exactly
My DH isn't exactly comfortable, but he understands that I need to vent and that I need advice from others who've been there. Plus I can bring up situations and we can discuss how we'd handle them. Sometimes we find out we have opposite opinions and can come to compromises without having experienced it ourselves. It kind of allows us to solve problems before emotions get in the way because we've already been able to talk about how we feel in the abstract.
Edit to add: I think I do have one of the most awesome DH's on this site. He supports me fully and is a parent who refuses to allow guilt to affect his decisions. He wants the kids to succeed. I'm mainly here because of BM, and sometimes SD11. BM goes through cycles where we could be the Brady Bunch one week, and the next week I'm the whore who stole her husband out from under her, then we're the Brady's again, then DH is the devil! There is no rhyme or reason to the changes in her.
Woah wait... Your DH knows
Woah wait... Your DH knows about this site? And happily gives his thoughts on situations? That's so cool! lol. I wish I could tell my DH.. I think he'd get uncomfortable that I come here to vent and don't particularly view steplife as perfect
oh dang - DH should suck it
oh dang - DH should suck it up, what did he think will happen if he divorce? I'm sorry but things change when you get a divorce, if your birthday falls on a non kid day, and the other parents say, sorry it's my time now not yours then so be it....
BM did nothing wrong in this case, she compromised IMO.... DH can just suck it up and be an adult about it, the day he got divorced was the day things changed and the day he had to understand that certain events will be with or with out skids in the future
I have to agree with
I have to agree with Acratopotes. My SDs don't even send my DH a card on his birthday. It used to hurt him but I think he is used to it now. It's their bit of passive aggression, I feel. My daughters, on the other hand, always send him a card!
Thanks for your opinions
Thanks for your opinions guys
some background... SO was expected to and did (his decision) give up his entire contact day in December to accomodate BM wish of having sd9 with her for BM birthday. They have done this for last 4years amd he truly thought it would be recipricated on his bday like it has in the past.
Interesting comment by peridwen dh... male pov
i agree , family comes first and the climbing wall is done regularly. I know this because i asked sd9 today about it. yes i agree she should have fun, but it appears BM encouraged sd9 to want to do this rather than spend it with her dad
maxwell - sd9 wouldnt be sat around table minimally interacting she would be with her 3 sisters that live with their father!