How BM Legally Kidnapped SD10
Yes, you read that correctly. BM kidnapped SD10 over Thanksgiving break. And, she did it without getting into any trouble at all. I am still shocked and disgusted by this whole mess. So let me start at the beginning. As most of you know, our BM has no legal parental rights over SD10. She lost them after the last time she tried to kidnap her. I blame myself and DH for part of this mess, as we should have been more clear with our babysitter, but neither of us thought about it. SD10 hadn't mentioned BM in a while and seemed to have adjusted. She was happy and doing well in school.
SD10 was left with a babysitter during the day for Thanksgiving break, as there was no school. She was off from the Thursday before Thanksgiving until the MOnday following Thanksgiving, so it was a significant break. DH had to work. I was out of town at a conference. Her babysitter started on Tuesday, the week before Thanksgiving. I had already left town and DH works until late. For the first two days, the babysitter just had to watch SD10 after school until DH got home. It was no big deal. SD10 seemed to like her babysitter.
On Friday night (the Friday before Thanksgiving), DH gets a call at work from our frantic babysitter. BM came to our house with the police and took SD10 for her court ordered visitation. At this point, DH is confused, as BM has no visitation. He also doesn't know how BM would have known that a babysitter was at the house. So he rushes home from work and calls the police.
It turns out that BM had an old court order that still listed her as having visitation. She brought it to our local police station and they let her pick up SD10 because they had no idea that there was a newer order filed. Our order is from another state so they weren't able to look it up or verify it. The order she had was signed by a judge so they made the babysitter give SD10 to BM.
So DH is frantically calling BM and the police in her home state. They can't enforce the order unless he brings them a copy of the newest order. I agree to fly out to meet DH in BM's home state. He sleeps for several hours and then drives over 20 hours and ends up at the police station at 2 A.M. At this point, she's been with BM for a little over 24 hours. He pulls into the police station and they send an officer to talk to him. DH shows them the court order, but they refuse to go get SD10. The police told DH that it would not be in her best interest to pull her out of bed in the middle of the night so come back the next morning.
DH goes and stays with my parents who live close by. In the meantime, I fly in early the next morning. Getting a last minute flight that close to Thanksgiving cost us a fortune, but I managed to find one. I go straight to my parent's house and pick up DH. We go to the police station. They send a car out to BM's and force her to turn over SD10, who doesn't want to leave her mom and who makes quite a scene.
DH insists that they arrest BM and charge her with kidnapping. The police tell him that they are not authorized to do so because the violation happened in our home state. According to them, he needs to get the police in our state to file charges and then they can send a request and she can be picked up in her home state. So DH calls our home state and tries to get charges filed. They tell him that they can't touch it because the court order is from BM's home state and they can't enforce it. He needs to go through this long process to get our state to put the court order on file and then they will have jurisdiction. So essentially, neither police department would help us.
We return back to our state with SD10 four days later. The whole story has finally poured out of SD10. She asked the babysitter to use the phone to call her friend. Instead, she used it to call her mom. Then she deleted the number out of the phone and dialed a local number. Apparently, BM told her to do this. BM knew she was with a babysitter in the evenings and concocted this plan. BM actually told the police that she was unaware of the other order and just thought she was exercising her rights. She also told them that DH told her to keep SD10 so he abandoned her. Her exact words, "If he wanted her, why didn't he come right away when he got to my state?" Um, because its over 20 hours away he couldn't find an immediate flight. It was quicker for him to drive there. He drove out as soon as he slept for four hours.
So now our only choice is to go back to court. According to the lawyer, she can still get in trouble with the judge. We just have to wait and see. Oh yeah, and SD10 has completely melted down from this. She cries 6+ hours a day. She is withdrawn and won't talk. She is angry at DH, spouting things BM told her. And, she just keeps repeating that she wants to live with her mom. I feel so lost in all this. Even her therapist seems at a loss for how to handle this. She just keeps telling us to wait and see if it passes.
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oh dear now I regret
oh dear now I regret asking......
DH should go back to court and get a nation wide court order against this effing woman, how is this possible that no police dept can do anything, I swear I will arrange some one to shoot BM... in the knee the bloody lunetic...
and through all of this SD is suffering, next time you have a baby sitter for SD, leave the court order out for her to show to the police, and say, please contact the parents, I am under instructions as per court order...
seriously I am in shock...
if what anotherstep2 said is
if what anotherstep2 said is true and your court order was mis understood I will report the police department and I will file kidnapping charges..... maybe it's worth looking into it
My condolences on this tragic
My condolences on this tragic BM toxic crap and her interference in your family.
My only correlation is not even close but SpermGrandHag would occasionally "miss" getting the SKid to the airport on time to return him home after SpermClan visitation. It was usually some bullshit excuse about how the flight was canceled and they could not get him on another flight for several days which was invariably bullshit. It was always in proximity to some SpermClan or church event that did not fall on their time and that would have had the SKid miss school. My bride always had him on a flight within a few hours of SpermGrandHag’s bullshit call about canceled flights.
Fortunately my DW's HS BFF’s father was the County Sheriff and then when he retired after losing his 6th election he was hired as their home town Chief of Police. He detests the SpermIdiot. When we called and reported SpermGrandHag’s crap a patrol car would pick the kid up where ever the SpermClan was. Once right out of a big holiday Church service in front of all of SpermGrandHags fringe Christian cultist buddies, once from a family reunion, and a couple of times from her home with her neighbors all watching from their door steps. The kid was nonplussed by it and never seemed to find it odd. Probably because SpermGrandHag was so shocked that she did not put up any protest. She of course would spin it as her being the misunderstood good hearted grandma who was devastated that the police had chewed her a new one.
DH needs to put this kidnapping toxic waste of parental skin in prison and keep her there as long as possible. IMHO that is in the best interests of this kid.
My best wishes for a quick recovery for your SD. What her BM did is inexcusable IMHO.
First, what a nightmare for
First, what a nightmare for you and SD.
I agree with all of the advice:
1. security with video
2. Restraining order for SD and your house
3. Go to whatever judge issued the new order and have the wrath of that judge come down on BM- also ask that judge to issue the arrest warrant for kidnapping. This is really the time to nail her ass to the wall. This time she went too far and should not only lose any remaining rights (like contact) but should punished by the court.
Not sure what states this is
Not sure what states this is taking place in (and don't expect you to say where either) but I'd be willing to make a drive to erase a toxic BM, probably could get a "Go Fund ME" to subsidize the trip lol
CP, I was just thinking about
CP, I was just thinking about you yesterday. Your story is a nightmare, you have been saddled with an awful BM. I can't imagine how hard it is for SD10 to have her as a mother.
Wishing you strength in this trying time.
So sorry you're all going
So sorry you're all going through this.
I had my court order in hand when I was trying to get my kids out of their dad's house. He had supervised visitations and his parents were supposed to be doing the supervising.
I knew how his parents didn't believe their son was capable of any of the shitty things he did that resulted in supervised visits only, so I would check to see if his car was at his parent's because he would stay the nights when our kids were there.
I remember having a really bad feeling one night around 10:30 and grabbed the CO and DH and drove to exH's house.
Now mind you, this is all in the same county.
There was his car and I could hear my kids inside.
Despite the physical abuse I was concerned for about my kids, this evening I just had an overwhelming fear about my kids in that house. I knew my ex had hoarder tendencies and left unchecked I know how bad it gets. I called the sheriff's department and asked for help. They sent a car with two deputies but both were reluctant to enforce the court order giving several reasons (excuses) why they weren't going to knock on the door.
I begged and pleaded to no avail. I finally told them that the house is a fire hazard and if my kids were in a house fire, they were going to be responsible.
They finally agreed to at least go to the door. When they knocked my ex didn't answer but could hear people inside. I think this pissed the deputies off so they started demanding he open the door or it would be kicked in. I hated that my kids had to go through all of that but the feeling of something bad was very strong.
Ex finally opened the door and allowed them in. The deputies came back with my kids and reported the condition of exH's home:
*Two of the 3 exits were barricaded with heavy clutter.
*The kids had no place to lie their head down much less sit down.
*The plumbing was not working in the bathroom.
*Lastly, my ex had electrical wires exposed throughout.
I was not aware of the conditions, just imagined what they were but also knew that his house used to be a garage/barn.
About 8 months later, his house was destroyed in a fire.
I guess the point of my story is...yes, the system is very broken but if you know of any behaviors from the ex that could cause harm to your child/ren, stress those to the powers that be.
This is a perfect time for DH to get what ever he wants from the courts right now.
She doesn't care one iota
She doesn't care one iota what she is doing to her kids, does she? Tragic.
I'm so sorry you and your DH (and poor SD) are going through this.
Wow. Just wow. I don't even
Wow. Just wow. I don't even know how you can fix (Is that even the right word) this so it won't happen again. I guess my main focus would be to ask SD why she called BM then agreed to go with her in the first place. I would ban her from phones and communication devices until she can be trusted not to run away again. And I know you say BM "kidnapped" her but it sounds like SD was willing so I classify it as a "runaway" You can't change BM, but you can change the problems with SD by using the therapist to figure out why she acted the way she did and how you should parent her from now on. That's really all I got.