Last night was so hard..
Last night, SD9 literally cried for over an hour and a half. She wants her mom. She wants to live with her mom. She thinks her mom doesn't love her because she hasn't found a way to call. To be honest, BM did call here. I have her numbers blocked on all the phones and will only unblock them for her 5 minute call. She is to have her calls on Friday and she didn't call that night. I was so tempted to unblock the number and let her talk to her mom, but I held firm. The judge told us that we shouldn't deviate from the routine as it would confuse SD9 on her expectations. This is the hardest thing I have dealt with since the custody switch. SD12 could make me angry, but SD9 just breaks my heart. I hate hearing her cry. It is so heart shattering.
I am really struggling to not get my feelings hurt. I have taken her in as much as I can. I have tried to do the best I can, but it is obviously not enough. And after a year, she still would rather live with her mom. Rationally, I know that she isn't trying to hurt anyone and that she isn't trying to insult me and DH, but sometimes its hard to remember that. I ended up having my own long cry last night. Then I reached out to my company's free counseling service and set up an appointment for me and DH. I think we need some help with this.
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There is a saying that goes,
There is a saying that goes, "it's easier to build strong children then repair a broken adult."
if you let SD9 live with BM , you are going to have a broken adult beyond repair. That's the truth. SD12 is probably broken beyond repair.
It's not to late for Sd9. She can heal from the damage that has been done to her. But you do need to give her time to heal, poor thing.
I'm glad you set up a counseling session.
But she is where she needs to be.
All you can do is stand firm
All you can do is stand firm and try to love the child thru it. I'm so glad you called the counseling service..I have had great results with EAP assistance, including them referring us out when my oldest child was clearly in need of services greater than what they had available. Remember to take time for you and DH as well--you need to keep that relationship strong to weather this storm.
Oh no no no-don't you get
Oh no no no-don't you get confused-you are MORE than enough.
I'll tell you exactly what a CPS worker told my DH. Most kiids are always going to want their mom, no matter what. She told him not to take it personally-it's just how they are. She ten told him a story that her mother who was a CPS worker told her when she started. A young girl was in the hospital after her mother put her scalding hot water. The whole time she was there she told us, she cried for her mom-the person who put her in the hospital in the first place.
You can't fill that void, the fact that you aspire to and to ease her pain is commendable. Do whatever you can to ease her pain and be there for her but please don't ever think that because she misses her mom you are not doing enough.
you are exactly right. OP,
you are exactly right. OP, she is suffering but it is NOT yours to be responsible for (and you are feeling emotionally responsible, as evidenced by your post!) this is her mother's doing, and her mother is the only person in the universe who has the position to fix it (even tho' we all know she never will). for the wellbeing of your own heart and soul, dont take responsibility for the impossible - you just hug her when she cries, and show her by your actions what a good, strong, loving woman is like.
much more eloquently stated,
much more eloquently stated, sue.
Fixing her damaged broken
Fixing her damaged broken soul will be the best reward. She is probably so dependent on her mother to tell her what to think and say she is gasping for air.
Just keep steadfast and your eye on the prize. My grand daughter is 9. She cries for her mother. She told me last week if anything happened to her mother she wouldn't know who to live with... me or her father. But if anything happened to her father she would always have me and DH and her mother. We are lucky. DD grew out of her rebellious phase when she got pregnant with GD9. She is raising a very strong young lady.
One day SD9 will laugh again. Right now it is like her mother has died. But she hasn't really died and SD knows this. Protect her. Keep her safe. You are a hero in her world. She just has to find that out.