How would you act about bullying
My sd12 is claiming to be bullied by her piers at school. She claims that her friends are no longer talking to her and some guy keeps harrasting her. She has stayed out of school because of puffy eyes from crying.. This is what she tells us. I have seen her in the past say very mean things towards other kids and not want nothing to do with any of our friends girls, claiming they are immature. I think she done got up In that middle school and her mouth and trying to act like her older sister.. Her mouth has got her into some trouble. Not long before schools out and she is gonna want to stay with me the summer. Her oldest sister that is in high school has her own friends and doesn't include her sister and her Bm got remarried and doesn't pay her much attention. All this is coming from listening to my step kid stories. She says her new step dad won't let her get in bed or on couch to cuddle her mother and Bm allows this. She says she now gets locked out of house without a key and had to wait ... So many stories she tells my husband and I. All I do is listen because I try not to get involved. I have suggested to her that she needs some friends her own age to hang out with and she has but the little girls mothers doesn't want their daughters to be around her. Now my std12 is a beautiful young lady but that mouth and her words are so vile she doesn't realize and now it's starting to its her in the ass. What would you do and say to her that would help?
Well, if she has been
Well, if she has been unpleasant to people her entire school career to this point, it's not surprising they eventually stopped just letting her treat them poorly and started going back at her. Tough lesson to learn, but that's what middle school is all about.
You have to decide if you want your skid with you for the summer. Personally, that's an entire dumptruck of Nope. But I do work full-time. Even if I didn't I wouldn't do it. But that's me.
Cuddle-time with BM? At 12? The new boyfriend is absolutely right to cut that out.
Locked out of the house? Depends on the situation. When I was 12 I spent plenty of time locked out of the house running wild around the neighborhood, but times were different. Locked out for an hour after school daily? No big deal. Locked out from sun-up to sun-down, that's probably an issue.
What would I say to her (if and only if she came and asked for advice): "Treat people the way you'd like to be treated, and maybe eventually you'll undo some of the damage you did before." Aside from that, let her father parent the child. Let him decide whether the locked out business is a problem or not.
I suggest your H call his ex
I suggest your H call his ex and let her know what their kid is saying to him about her life with BM. I would also suggest he go sit down with her principal and find out what is going on at school.
Out side of the generic, treat others, blah, blah, blah....I would stay out of it. This is not your kid or your problem. It would be a good idea for her own parents to step up and deal with her situation. But from what you wrote, I get the impression her parents are not overly involved with her.
This age is rough on kids, even rougher if the kid is a jerk. Worse if the bio-parents have no more f**ks to give.
I speak from skid experience and from getting bit in the ass one too many times for caring too much. I cannot tell you the number of times H's daughter flat out lied to him (us) about what was happening in Uberskank's home. It was said with the intent to manipulate H into becoming SuperHero Dad. For him to rush in and rescue his kid. Usually in a monetary fashion. Some of these stories were manufactured by skid. Some by Uberskank (BM).
And WTF are you thinking taking on a 12 year old kid over the summer?? Why are her PARENTS working out a schedule for her that doesn't include you "babysitting" her??
Whatever happens, this kid is not your responsibility. I honestly wouldn't get involved.
ETA - When I suggested your H call the ex, it was not in an accusatory way. The skid may be trying to play one parent against the other. He really should consider nipping that in the bud. Because if she's saying crap about mom, what you do think she's saying about dad??
I'm mixed on your situation.
I'm mixed on your situation. Here's a child clearly shouting for help and no one, but you hears this.
Your DH needs to address this now with the BM for the sake of their child. I do agree that it can't be you directly - it will blow up in your face.