Not inviting 40 year old stepdaughter and family on vacation
I need your thoughts. Last year, I invited adult stepdaughter , 40 years old, and her family to our lake house which we had just purchased. I pay the mortgage on this house, decorated it and cooked all their meals. She has not invited us to, even a dinner, in 16 years. She does not call or even send a card to my husband on father's day, ignores all our birthdays and Christmas.
So, last summer, I handed her an olive branch and invited she and her family for a week. She walked into the house and acted like she was in a motel room. No mention of our house, how we decorated it, nothing.
The kicker? She and her 4 children all wrote separate thank you letters to DH---saying thank your for inviting us to YOUR lakehouse. Not a mention was made of my name. I was very hurt.
So, I have disengaged and am not inviting them this year. I did not want my DH to feel hurt, that is why I invited her last year. I deserve respect and find her treatment of me to be akin to emotional abuse.
Am I wrong to not invite them again this year?
Your thoughts are appreciated.
Nope - you are totally okay
Nope - you are totally okay NOT inviting ungrateful and exclusionary folks back to your home.
What does your husband say about his 40 year old rude brat??
^this You tried, she was a
^this
You tried, she was a rude brat.
Screw her, no more vacation at your home!
He agrees with me. I don't
He agrees with me. I don't want to interfere with his relationship with his adult children, so told him he was free to invite her and her kids to the lakehouse. I won't be there. But, he's not going to invite them.
He doesn't want to wait on
He doesn't want to wait on their ungrateful @$$es. What jerks.
You're under no obligation to
You're under no obligation to invite SD.
While I could understand she perhaps not knowing the financial ins and outs of the lake house (because it's none of her business), there is no excuse for any of the rest. Took advantage of your generosity during the week and didn't bother to acknowledge your hosting efforts in the notes.
Save yourself from a repeat.
No - in fact - it would be
No - in fact - it would be incredibly stupid to invite her again.
Early on I invited SS to our 2nd home (stupid me). He was reeking of alcohol when we picked him up at 10 AM. I woke up one morning to find DRUGS on my great grandmother's antique china plate (which was stored in a closet not even in the kitchen). He got into a fight at a service station and beat up a guy. How I wish he'd gotten arrested as I would have abandoned him there forever.
And then he bragged all over FB about his "dad's" great place. I bought that home years before I met DH plus DH and I were not even married at that time.
I agree with notasm3---it
I agree with notasm3---it WOULD be incredibly stupid for me to invite the ungrateful person again. I won't. If husband wants to bring his adult daughter and her family to the lakehouse--he can go without me. I am done being a doormat!
High five to you. Many of us
High five to you. Many of us make a mistake or two in the beginning because we are normal, decent human beings. We are not used to dealing with the pond scum of the world.
In my case (not necessarily yours) I will not allow SS to be in my vacation home ever again. Certainly not with me - perish the thought. But my SS30 has a history of getting drunk and trashing places so he certainly would not be allowed there without me.
We have a vacation home. It's
We have a vacation home. It's MY family's place. The skids keep asking when they're going on vacation with us. That will be when Hell freezes over (NOT Hell, MI). The rules are NO food or pop anywhere but the kitchen. Period. Dot. Neither PigPen nor PrincAss would follow that rule. They'd have to sleep in the same room. PrincAss said he'd sleep on the couch. NO. DH and I get up early. No way I'm going to tiptoe around because that twatwaffle is in the living room.
So... the one time invitation has been revoked. They will NEVER taint my family summer home with their nastiness.
Good for you! Too many
Good for you! Too many people get cornered into allowing it and then it's the disaster they expected or even worse.
No invite. Glad your DH backs
No invite. Glad your DH backs you up! So many wouldn't.
My SD used to consider our
My SD used to consider our lake home to be her "dad's house" and she invited herself over regularly.
I finally solved that problem. We sold that house that was 20 minutes from her and we are building another one in another state (but still close enough to visit occasionally). I am putting equal money into it by selling my home from before I met DH. Both DH and I are planning, designing, and contributing $$ equally to it.
SD wore out her welcome with me the first year DH and I got married, disrespected my right to privacy and snooped around regularly. I put a stop to that. Took me awhile, but I realized we needed to increase our privacy and decrease her ability to interfere in our lives. We also bought a winter home in south Texas this year, so I get at least a 3 month reprieve from the drama queen entirely.
The new lake house will be one hour across the state border. What's more, I am consulting an attorney to make sure that this house will never go into the hands of any kids but will be donated to charity after we are gone, so no children will ever consider it theirs.
No way would I be inviting
No way would I be inviting her ever again, absolutely NO.
I had a laugh when you said she acted like she was in "Motel Room" ! So familiar,SD26 treats our home like a 5Star Hotel, sits on her butt the whole time with her face in her IPad, funny though her ears are very attuned with what is being said around the place. She will rudely yell out and put her 2 cents worth in to almost every conversation , she does this without taking her eyes off the IPad ! Asks her daddy or brothers to get her drinks etc and they do it silly fools :jawdrop: