Update
Good morning all. I suppose it is a bad sign that I feel the need to vent. Because for the past few years there was peace. Peace because dh's daughters had totally removed themselves along with their toxicity, poor boundaries, and just plain meanness.
Of course, there were a few bombs. Like when oldest SD actually took back her first payment on a cosigned student loan with DH. And refused any further contact or payments, other than to let DH know that he should "rot in whatever hell he believes in". Nice.
So a few months ago DH began to actively pursue both of these lovelies. Calling to say hi, happy Easter, etc. mercifully they live thousands of miles!!
But it has gotten to the point where all day they text and talk, beginning at 630am. Of course the oldest still shuns DH for the most part, but he persists in calling her. I ask if he discusses the loan and how he was pursued by collectors the past year.
Yesterday finally when we were out and DH was laughing at a cuteness text, I told him I don't want to hear it. They made their choice years ago and I made mine. The man is insane. I guess the bottom line is that my respect for him keeps going down and down. I know I don't have it as bad as many of you. I have not laid eyes on these b$&@ in close to 6 years!!
Yup. He is special. It is one
Yup. He is special. It is one thing to forgive their behaviour in the past but it is another to become overly enmeshed with the constant texting and pining for attention from these biotches.
He has his priorities screwed up.
The crazy part is the
The crazy part is the happiest times of my life were when I was single, and of course when I was raising my children. I have come to conclusion I am quite content with my life.....my work, my kids, my dogs. So I am able to mostly let this crap go. So why am I writing this?? Lol.....
Bingo! DH has his heads in
Bingo! DH has his heads in the clouds. He can't tolerate anger so he chooses to be blind to poor behavior. He only likes feel good movies!
Today for example. One of his little nieces sustained a serious injury. My brother is a pediatric doc. I immediately called him, got his advice, which was all good. DH texted his brother and I added a note about my conversation with my brother the doctor. His brother's comment to me, Gee thanks but how did you find out?
I saw that as a rude comment. Like wtf, it was supposed to be a family secret excluding me? DH said I was reading too much into that text. But hey.......here I called my own brother on a Sunday morning and this is the response?
Again, DH lives in a fantasy world, refuses to see people how they really are.
I was happily single for
I was happily single for many, many years with a great life. And even though I thoroughly love my life with my DH, it's nice to know that that I do not NEED him to be happy.
I just spent a week in Palm Beach with a friend - without DH. I rarely wear rings of any kind and don't like to travel with good jewelry, so I was not wearing a wedding ring most of the time. Twice I had men approach me. I am not looking so I made it a point to introduce them to my friend who is single.
I think a good part of why DH never tries to guilt me or pressure me to do stuff with SS30 is that he knows that I do not NEED him so I don't have to submit to crap to keep DH. Plus DH really does want me to be happy. I want to be with my DH very much but would not ever sacrifice my well being for his son. I am shocked at the people who try to force their spouse to accept the unacceptable.
DH is "courting" his
DH is "courting" his daughters. He is attempting to create/recreate a bond. Constant daily texts are more appropriate in a loving couple in the early throes of engagement.
Thoroughly disgusting, yet
Thoroughly disgusting, yet totally on point.
Organizational cultures can
Organizational cultures can have this same trait. I have often struggled with clients that only hear good news. e.g. A client who cheers and celebrates when their cost performance goes down slightly even though they are still going down in flames on their organizational performance. "Our period costs went down by 15% last quarter... Woo Hoo!!!" Reality - Costs are still on a run rate to exceed their annual cost PO by $58Mil for the year. When I bring the real picture to the same meeting I get glares and grumbles that I am all about doom and gloom. When I ask the good news guys how they intend to recover the $58Mil by EOY they stammer and stutter. I present the true picture and I offer options for recovery.
Opportunities are not identified through constant application of positive spin.
No news is bad news. Bad news is good news. Nothing but good news is catastrophic news. Your DH is wallowing in a catastrophic situation with his toxic spawn.
Your DH is one of those that needs only good news. Reality is that his eldest daughter has ripped him/you off for not only the value of the school loans she has defaulted on and he is having to pay, but also for the growth of that money had it been or remained invested.
He needs to sue her ass for every penny of it and then give her a hug when they leave the court room after he nails her ass to the wall. That would be the appropriate time for a daddy/daughter reconciliation moment and not one second before. Young people have time. People approaching retirement age do not. Time is money, he needs to collect.
Grrrr. People who rip people off piss me off. Family members who rip other family members off piss me off even worse and get no quarter until they make things right.
IMHO of course.