Dealing with accusatory teen/adult step daughter.
Some here may have read my story before, but here is a basic outline. I am a third wife, with 4 step children and one extremely vindictive ex in the picture.
I did not realize until after I lived with my then 16 year old SD, that she makes up a lot of lies, big ones. Usually, SD starts making up stories involving her as a victim when things are not going her way.
She has accused me of pulling a knife on her, which NEVER happened. She later accused my husband of pushing her down the stairs, which also never happened. Her family, my in-laws have no interest in determining if this is true or not.
I have a 100 percent clean record and any legal action could seriously hurt my career. At this point I have made a choice not to be alone with my other skids for any reason, in order to protect myself from allegations. I regret evere being alone in a house with SD because now it is my word against hers.
As far as I know SD has not made any complaints against me to the police, but I'm told there is no statute of limitations on certain crimes against children. SD was using meth and in and out of juvee while living with us, so her word may not stand up in court.
I don't know if polygraph testing is admissable in WA or not, but I know of no other way to prove my innocence in a he said she said situation. I feel like I'm on probation or something ever since I became a step-mom. BM number two pumps the children for any bit of information and has repeatedly threatened to "dig up the dirt on me."
I'm tired of feeling like a bug under a microscope. I feel like I am guilty until proven innocent. I am in recovery for alcoholism and I have years of clean time, but I am constantly being attacked over being in a twelve step program. I was self referred and I didn't get in any legal trouble, yet SD and BM constantly use this info to attack my credibility.
Has anyone had to deal with unfounded allegations like this? It seems like they are just trying to destroy my life and marriage for no other reason than SD decided not to like me and BM is angry that her ex moved on with his life.
Not sure how much more I can deal with.
// Susanna
Protect yourself, there's not relationship here.
No matter what you do, protect yourself and never be alone with her and make sure whomever else is with you is someone that would truthfully back you up should be make allegations. It is so ridiculous that a child is so messed up that she needs this type of thing to get attention.
Obviously there is no opportunity for a real relationship with her so long as she continues to be this way. It is her loss not yours.
Keep your distance. It's not worth the risk.
Wow, you're in quite a pickle, if I don't say...
Man, this is tough. I'll give that to you. What I would like to say is that this 'little girl' needs counseling, seriously. She has some major issues. Sad to me. Totally puts you in a spot, that's for sure.
Unfortunately, what SteppedOn has suggested is partial the best thing thus far, since I'm sure that counseling is out of the question- however, are you in counseling yourself? That might do wonders for both your recovery and giving you tools to help 'combat' the situation as well as giving you some creditability.
As for me, I'm on the flip side. I have two BMs that are mentally unstable. One is- well we suspect that she is a drug addict and the other one has ED, OCD and bipolar. So, I'm always under the microscope because I'm the 'normal' one- the evil wicked step mom who is out to just make them miserable. Ooookkkaaaaayyyyyy. They have issues, are so insecure and paranoid, that I'm the problem because I'm 'normal' and they are soo out to prove that there is 'something wrong with me'. So, I can relate.
At one point that my DH was also under retaliation from his ex wife, BM1 at one point. She falsely accused him of 'spousal abuse' in an attempt for him to lose time with SS. It was at a time when she was on an all out war path for more child support/ less time with us and everything else failed. So, she went for the full gusto... problem is that there were witnesses around, that she didn't realize saw her acting out, while DH was calm and collective. It was really really bad. He too could have lost his job, and we were on pins and needles for a full year because of it.
So, the only other thing that I can suggest is that you have to document, document, document- a motto here- and you really need to get a GOOD attorney to help you with any legal issues, or suggestions.