A couple of years ago I married my husband, his four children, his two ex wives, and all of his relatives. I signed on for the guy and got the whole circus. I have done my level best to be a a good step-mom, third wife, daughter in law, and oh yeah... wife. My step kids are aged 6,12,18, and 22.

Things go ok with three of the kids, under the circumstances. The circumstances being that for no apparent reason wife number two is obsessed with me and bad mouths me non-stop. I didn't even meet my husband until a year after she left him and we didn't date until after the uncontested divorce, so I really don't know what her probolem is, but her actions towards me include gossip, profanity, psychical assualt and threats.

The teenage SD moved in with her Dad right befor we were married. She discovered meth, via her boyfriend (a dealer) "Lisa" split her time between our house (her detox center) and the homes of wherever she did her drugs. My husband put a youth at risk on her - which after multiple violaitons resulted in her spending 2 days in Juvenille hall,which she is proud of.

When she was at our home she was as nasty to me as she could possible be. I drove her to rehab, counselors appointments and doctors offices. I learned a whole new style of cooking to make the kids happy. Nothing I did was ever good enough. She would scream profanities at me on a regular basis and threaten me psychically.

During all of this she never experienced any firm consequences. She found out that I have PTSD from being raped and increased her psychical theats. Finally after her last trip to juvee, she was cussing out her Aunt and I told my husband he needed to discipline her or I was leaving. Her consequence was to go one night without the TV/Radio in her bedroom. She was so outraged at that consequence that she moved out permenantly.

I have been blamed by my in-laws for many of her problems and for the fact that she moved out. One thing that "Lisa" does when she gets angry is to make up false accusations of serious nature. She accused her cousins of molesting her and they were court ordered never to see their niece again. Later Lisa admitted to her brother and Aunt that she just made it up to get her brothers in trouble. She has since accused me of pulling a knife on her, and my husband of pushing her down the stairs. Because of her propensity to make allegations I do not want to be around her. To make matters worse she had a baby 5 months ago. She came, with her boyfrind, for Thanksgiving. The rule was that the baby could be less than a foot away from me for hours on end, but that I was not to play with the baby. My niece and one of mt nephews will not even speak to me; they shun me in every way. My sister in laws yell at me for things my husband does. My Mother in law feels the need to tell me that Lisa is "still part of the family."

I'm tired of being scapegoated by these people. The worse thing I ever did to Lisa was to get sarcastic when she was cussing me out. Her family is responsible for her. She is responsible for her. I was just her taxi driver/maid. She didn't want a relatoinship with me and I respected her wishes and diden't push myelf on her.

Lisa's extended family do not want to live with her. Her Grandma kicked her out after a very short stay, but faults me for having difficulty dealing with Lisa. I know blood is thicker than water, but this is getting ridiculous. After dealing with her meth boyfriend's aggressive behavior at my home on T-day, I had a panic attack in the middle of the night for the first time in 18 months. I said I didn't want to be around the boyfriend at Christmas and her family said they would uninvite both Lisa and her boyfriend if I would attend Christmas in their home. I was willing to stay in WA and let my husband go, but he wouldn't have it. I did not ask the family to uninvite Lisa, only the violent boyfriend - but it was their home; their call.

In response to this decision, Lisa called up her Grandma (the grand dame of the family) and cussed her out. No one holds this girl accountable for anything she does; ever, and they have created a monster. I am genuinely afraid that she will manipulate her boyfriend into psychically assaulting me. He has been in and out of jail for the past several years. Actually I know this because he was bragging about his rap sheet at Thanksgiving. His history includes burglary 2 and assault with a deadly weapon. He explained (loudly) that he committed those crimes because someone "took his beer."

I feel I am dealing with a genuine sociopath, or at least close to it. I hate guns, but have considered arming myself and learning to use a gun. Meanwhile, the in-laws are worried about Lisa's feelings.

I have made major lifestyle changes for these people. I have given them one of my cars to help their situation. I do not want anyone kissing my butt, however a modicum of concern for my safety would be nice.

To make matters worse my blood family is no longer part of my life. After EXTREME abuse on their part, I made the call to move on without them. This leaves me with only the support of frinds and my spiritual community.

I feel that I do not have enough resources to deal with the army of people that want to judge and scapegoat me. I am just really at the end of my rope. My husband does back me up as much as possible, or I would have given up a long time ago.

I really don't want to divorce my husband. I am in counseling for my own stuff. I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of dynamics that I have to navigate and I feel like I just can't win for losing.

Thank you for allowing me to get this off my chest. Constructive input is welcome.

I hope all the other Step-parents are faring better than me with their teens.

// Susanna