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3rd grader wearing makeup?'s picture

SD9 came home with a photo booth strip from an outing she went on with her BM. SD is clearly wearing makeup in the photos. This was just a normal trip to a local mall according to SD, it wasnt a special occasion where they got dressed up or something. And the lipstick was bright red. SD says that her mom lets her wear it out so she thinks it's ok. DH is pissed. I think its highly innapropriate for her age, especially the colors and going out in public. Dress up makeup at home is fine. SD is treated as a mini adult at BMs, if SD sees something a teen/adult has that she wants clothes, accessories, etc. BM will buy it for her. SD said her own favorite clothing place in the mall is Wet Seal. She has also come here wearing a bra recently. We shop at children's place or target for most of her clothes. What can we do about this if anything? How can we explain to SD she is still too young for these things?

Comments's picture

Well these are the scenarios were hoping to avoid! Hopefully whatever DH says to her now will help. Very unfortunate!

Monchichi's picture

:jawdrop: I have a 9 year old and over my dead body will she wear make up. I have no advice whatsoever I am just horrified.'s picture

This is exactly how I feel. There will be 100% differences if I ever have a daughter. I'm sure SD will be very confused by actual parenting and values when she sees it with my kids. Right now there is DS1 and he will be raised very differently!

Maxwell09's picture

I will say that my BIL and his wife met us at MIL's house for Christmas and their 2nd grader had on bright clown pink blush and blue eyelids. While it was a special occasion, I was put off by it personally; but I don't have girls to raise and no one asked for my opinion so I let it go. My DH of course made a comment about how he was glad he didn't have a daughter or worry about her wearing make up too young.

I think in a situation like this where you have one parent who approves and one doesn't all you can is refuse to fall into the "Bad Guy" setup BM is putting you in. Show the girl some YouTube videos of teenage makeup tutorials so at least she won't look like a clown. There are girls who start at age six wearing makeup because of pageants so I don't see your DH getting BM to stop. It's best to educate on skincare and the results of wearing too much makeup (clogged pores, acne).

Edit To add: they might have just stopped in at one of the counters in a department store for fun.

sunshinex's picture

That's a good point. I was shopping at MAC and had my 5 year old stepdaughter with me. As I was shopping the girls took my SD and put some lipgloss on her and hungout with her a bit so I could quickly grab what I needed... So I can definitely see them going a bit further with a 9 year old.

I wasn't upset. SD is super interested in makeup already because I use it a lot. I don't actively put makeup on her, but sometimes she'll ask when I'm doing my own and i'll throw some gloss on her. She licks it off shortly after anyways lol.

I think if she comes to me at around 10 years old with an interest... Sure, I'll show you how to use lipgloss and blush or something to hold you off until you're older, but as maxwell09 mentioned, I would focus on the importance of good skincare/how to properly apply, as well as have a discussion about makeup being an art - not something you do because you're not already pretty.

jmh302's picture

Yeah its a losing battle. I know because its been fought with bm since sd was about 6.
Bm also glues fake nails on sd and lets her attend school like that. I know because i have picked sd up from school and she had fake nails on...and her father instantly became bad guy when he made her pop everysingle one off into the trash.

Sd is now 8 and her school picture from this year she has full face makeup..done by bm. Mascara eyeliner, shadow, blush, even some eyebrow forming.

Same thing with her christmas pic.

I do not get it. I have many friends with little girls the same age..and their school pics they look like little girls, with pigtails or braids or curls. Not a bit of makeup.

You can only control what goes on in your home. So if that means removing any makeup including play make up then do it. Little girls should have a chance to be little girls. They will have the rest of their life to worry about make up. Its something that should not even enter into their minds as being needed at such a young age.

uofarkchick's picture

Her mom dresses her with clothes from Wet Slut? Dang.
The make up thing wouldn't be a big deal to me. I always felt so special when my mom would put her lipstick on me. I was chubby and it helped me not feel so ugly. But the clothes and bra thing... Hopefully dad puts his foot down and passes a "no club apparel" rule for his house.

sunshinex's picture

I don't know... I get what you're going for but I don't think that's giving her the right idea. I mean, I wear trampy clothes now and than when I'm going out and LOVE makeup - I often wear a full face - and I'm 22 with no kids (never was a teen mom), married, and quite successful. That might just teach her to be judgemental. I think something needs to be done... 9 year olds shouldn't wear makeup but don't make her think she's bound to be a loser if she starts young...

Livingoutloud's picture

I don't see what one thing has to do with another.

My DD wears bright make up, and she's been constantly dyeing her hair since she started high school, right now she bleached blonde, she often wears tight clothes and short shorts. Yet my DD never touched drugs, doesn't party or drink or sleep around. She graduated both undergrad and grad schools with high honors, she is religious and is involved in religious instution, she regularly donates to charity. She holds a professional career and is currently applying for PhD after repeatedly advised to do so from her grad advisors. One doesn't need to look like a nun to be successful and hold conservative values.

I really didn't understand what pictures were supposed to inspire SD to be successful? I am educated and successful yet wear make up

What's "poor looking"? How do you define that? That's such strange post, with those magazine pictures....