You treat the kids with civility and respect...and leave the rest of it to your SO. No need to help parent or interact with the kids anymore than is respectful (e.g. saying hello and goodbye, acknowledging their existence if they are in your presence).
Basically, treat them like a coworker you don't like personally but still have to tolerate.
...they have temper tantrums like BM. Yhey’re In middle school, so not quite teens, but still too old for meltdowns.
One of them will have crying, screaming meltdowns when he doesn’t get his way or doesn’t like something DH does (i.e. whenever DH tries to parent him).
Both will often say “why do you hate me?!!!” When something doesn’t go there way - even if that something has nothing to do with DH. For example, DH took one to a golf tournament and he had a bad shot. He said to DH, “you hate me for that shot, Dad. What do you hate me?!” DH hadn’t said anything to him about it. That is a classic BM tactic.
When they do any of those things and when they blame others for things that they should have done (another BM classic) - those are the times I can’t stand them.
Other than that, it doesn’t bother me. Also, both look like BM’s family, but neither really looks like BM. One looks like her mother (which is unfortunate). The other looks a little more like DH, but mostly like BM’s father (not as unfortunate as BM’s mother, but still not great). Still, I don’t really care.
My SS looks exactly like his SpermIdiot. This has never bothered me a bit. I raised him as my own. He sounds like me, thinks like me, talks like me, believes in his own version of how I believe socially, fiscally, politically and spiritually. Unlike his SpermIdiot he is a man of character.
Over the years we have often been told that we are just alike including looks (which is absolutely not the case). We just smile and say thank you when that occurs.
Most interestingly .... he detests his SpermIdiot though neither his mom nor I have bad mouthed that useless waste of skin to our son. Our son (26) came to that position through his own experiences and through analyzing the facts.
Dont let the looks bother you. Confront the behaviors, set the example and give the kids the facts in an age appropriate manner. Like my SKid ... they will figure it out.
You treat the kids with
You treat the kids with civility and respect...and leave the rest of it to your SO. No need to help parent or interact with the kids anymore than is respectful (e.g. saying hello and goodbye, acknowledging their existence if they are in your presence).
Basically, treat them like a coworker you don't like personally but still have to tolerate.
Why are you asking this now,
Why are you asking this now, after all the advice you got on the other post? The more you share, the more you are describing hell.
I get it, you're still in the rationalizing stage. If this, than that. Once you figure out winning at this is slight, you can move on.
to learn, understand..
...relate and grow.
Only when...
...they have temper tantrums like BM. Yhey’re In middle school, so not quite teens, but still too old for meltdowns.
One of them will have crying, screaming meltdowns when he doesn’t get his way or doesn’t like something DH does (i.e. whenever DH tries to parent him).
Both will often say “why do you hate me?!!!” When something doesn’t go there way - even if that something has nothing to do with DH. For example, DH took one to a golf tournament and he had a bad shot. He said to DH, “you hate me for that shot, Dad. What do you hate me?!” DH hadn’t said anything to him about it. That is a classic BM tactic.
When they do any of those things and when they blame others for things that they should have done (another BM classic) - those are the times I can’t stand them.
Other than that, it doesn’t bother me. Also, both look like BM’s family, but neither really looks like BM. One looks like her mother (which is unfortunate). The other looks a little more like DH, but mostly like BM’s father (not as unfortunate as BM’s mother, but still not great). Still, I don’t really care.
My SS looks exactly like his
My SS looks exactly like his SpermIdiot. This has never bothered me a bit. I raised him as my own. He sounds like me, thinks like me, talks like me, believes in his own version of how I believe socially, fiscally, politically and spiritually. Unlike his SpermIdiot he is a man of character.
Over the years we have often been told that we are just alike including looks (which is absolutely not the case). We just smile and say thank you when that occurs.
Most interestingly .... he detests his SpermIdiot though neither his mom nor I have bad mouthed that useless waste of skin to our son. Our son (26) came to that position through his own experiences and through analyzing the facts.
Dont let the looks bother you. Confront the behaviors, set the example and give the kids the facts in an age appropriate manner. Like my SKid ... they will figure it out.
Good luck.
Luckily skids don’t look like
Luckily skids don’t look like their mom. They look like DHs side of the family.