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The saga continues

Tm's picture

So my stepson has been given the ultimatum to go to jobcorp. His Dad and Mom are on the same page and discussed it with him yesterday, talked about the opportunities available to him and the jobs he can get into after he gets his diploma there. Everything seemed fine until today when he writes this long dramatic and nasty message about how his Dad will finally be proud of him if he goes to jobcorp and he thinks I hate him and that his brother is much smarter than him blah blah blah. Not one time has anything ever been said about me not liking him. It could be that I have zero connection with him and I see through his manipulative bullshit. It grinds my gears that he even thought to bring his brother into this and I will not tolerate it. I don't know how to handle this other than to call out the manipulation and put a stop to it. He can never take responsibility for his own actions and blames everyone but himself this is causing the whole house to be stressed and he doesn't even live here. I told my husband with this kind of stuff happening i don't think he should even live here after he gets out of jobcorp. He sits in his room all day on his phone, failed 10th grade twice and he's too embarrassed to go back to school because he's 17 and in 10 grade again. All he talks about is smoking his weed pen and how his ex girlfriend is toxic lol. I've never dealt with this in my life but now it's become a problem because my husband blames me for never putting effort into a relationship with his son. He's not lived with us except for a few months and ran off when things got too hard and cried to mommy. I've barely had the opportunity to form a relationship and now at this point with the way he acts I don't even want to. My husband has guilt as I've previously stated and his son plays off that. His son was supposed to call him later this evening but never returned the call and I believe it's because he's been pushed into a corner now that his mom and dad are on the same page about things. My husband is depressed and I don't know what to do. I've mentioned therapy several times it's up to him to act on that. I'd appreciate more feed back on this, sorry it's so scattered, my brain is fried.

Crr18's picture

Wow he is blaming u for how his son is turning out? That is not fair to you. I ger blamed too for not trying enough to form a bond and not caring enough.  They are guilty and don't want to take blame so we are the easy target.

Tm's picture

That's what it feels like. I guess it's all my fault for the way his son has turned out and it's easy to have a scapegoat. 

Harry's picture

His sons failed is not your falt.  Yhis kid isn't trying at all.  Nobody who try's fails school. He is not  showing up for school, not doing any homework, or class work.  Not your falt. Seems like DH is like SS. Blames everyone else for there faikers 

 

Tried out's picture

to ignore his poor me message. His goal is to guilt his parents and you, so don't give him any reaction. At all. Don't acknowledge that he said/wrote. Don't have a conversation with him about it. If you do, you're just feeding the monster.

Tm's picture

Yep lesson learned, I'm no longer acknowledging the nasty behavior and the manipulative behavior.

ndc's picture

Are either of your husband or BM backing off of Jobcorp because of this manipulation? That would be a huge mistake.  I would ignore SS but read the riot act to H if he dares to try to place any blame on you.  

Your husband needs therapy to deal with his guilt so he can be a stronger parent to SS.

Tm's picture

No they are not backing out, he's going but right now he's throwing a tantrum. Manipulating everyone he can and causing a problems for everyone involved. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Hopefully job corps works in shifting his attitude a bit.. Sometimes it takes the perspective to see things differently. He's having tantrums now but his attitude hopefully will shift in the future

If anything, I think his rudeness, laziness, etc should solidify even MORE the need for the jobcorps so definitely stick with that... He's providing proof that he needs it 

Tm's picture

Exactly he's just showing us how badly he needs to go to this program. My fear though is he runs away before they even get him there.

Rags's picture

Either way, he is gone.

Good riddance.

Hopefully he makes the better choice. But do not put much faith in that.  Past behaviors being the best indicator of future performance puts the odds heavily in the "run away" column.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Feel sorry for the people that are going to have to put up with SS.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Even Job Corps has standards, so there's a chance your H's son won't last long there. Illegal drug use is not allowed in the program, so he'll be expected to quit pot entirely. He'll have to follow rules, and do what he's told as well. Hmmm.

You need to have a long game - a long term stance that will keep this parenting failure out of your home. There's going to come a time when even BM doesn't want him, when he's run out of people to use and sets his sights on your home. You need to plant seeds now that he CANNOT live with you. Not in the house, or the garage, or a shed out back ... Nada. If this kid ever straightens out, it will be despite his parents, not because of them. And you need to have an exit strategy, because you're the only adult in this mess who has standards and doesn't make guilt - based decisions. You need to have healthy limits, OP.

Rags's picture

twice, are a pot head, and a waste of skin labelgtheir XGF as toxic?  Sounds like the X figured out that this POS is the toxic one.

Now is not the time for daddy to feel guilt. Now is the time for all the adults to line up, keep their collective foot up this waste of skin kid's ass, and keep him moving to the launch point regardless if that is to the Job Corps or the local homeless camp under some highway over pass.

He is out. He needs to remain out.