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Just too lazy or extremely poor hygiene?!?!

screamingontheinside's picture

I have a 15 year old SS. I have been married to his BF for 4 1/2 years and SS lives with us full time because BM hasn't been in the picture since he was a baby.

My issue is with his personal hygiene. In particular his ability to wipe his butt and clean up the toilet when he is done. I have been surprised many a time by lifting the lid to see poop in the toilet. I always have to check the seat after he is done using the bathroom because I find "poop dust" on the seat. I am constantly finding little pieces of poop on the floor and on the rug. He has had poop in his boxer shorts, which he then throws in the washer and dryer, and today after washing my bed sheets, I had a nice little turd fall on the floor when I was going to put them back on my bed. Mind you, he did his laundry last night. I have found dirty washcloths covered with dried poop in his laundry basket. One time he had actually left one in there for over two weeks before I finally ended up throwing it away myself.

I feel like I constantly have to disinfect the toilet and the shower every time I have to use it after him. I know that this post might sound funny, but it is absolutely driving me insane! I keep a VERY clean house and notice every little thing that is out of place or if something is dirty.

My DH has discussed this with him several times through the years, and usually after the first couple of days of saying something to him he will actually try to clean up after himself, but then it is back again! It's a vicious cycle and if I have to say something, it will come out "mean" because I have so much resentment built up from this issue and other issues that I have to deal with with my lazy SS.

I talk to my DH about things the SS does and how much they bother me and I really don't get to far lately. BF knows how his son is and quite honestly doesn't know what to do himself. I really don't like the fact that talking about the SS could possibly lead to an argument between DH and me. I have been told in the past that I "pick" and "nag" too much, and that I'm too OCD when it comes to having the house clean.

I would like to point out that I have no issues with my DH's cleanliness. The only things he does that bother me are leaving the toilet seat up and sloshing coffee on the counter.

So if anybody could give me some advice on how to handle this bizarre issue, please, please, please help me out! If anything, I really needed to vent!

DarkStar's picture

First....no SS doing laundry at your place anymore. Nope, not having my washer/dryer ruined with poopy disgustingness.

Second, any poop of SS's goes on SS's bed, preferably his pillow so he's sure to notice it.

I don't put up with shit. Pun intended! }:)

Jelly2's picture

yes!

Stepped in what momma's picture

I would tell my DH I wouldn't be doing the laundry or cleaning the bathroom anymore and that instead HE (DH) would not be doing it.
It is crazy what kinds of issues are cured when you make DH take over.

CatchyUserName's picture

Welcome to the teenage years:
Hi, I'm new here but have been reading this site for a couple of years and thought I could weigh in. Smile When something similar started to happen for my SS (now 15 but started seeing some bathroom issues around 13) I did check out some sites that were specific to being parents of teenagers and found that some of this is not too uncommon. I had to put a basket of toilet paper out and put it right next to the toilet when I discovered that my SS wouldn't use anything if the toilet roll was empty (instead of getting new toilet roll). I thought I was going to die. The plunger also has a new home right next to the toilet because literally every time he goes, he plugs up the toilet. So on one hand, I believe that some of this is common teenage boy behavior. However, I do think that your situation sounds kind of extreme so you may have to take more drastic measures. I would do a little research on how to handle teenage boys and hygiene. It seems to be a common issue so there should be lots of articles out there. You might want to sit down with SS and DH and have a family meeting. It sounds awful to do that and SS will hate it but maybe talking together about how to keep yourself clean and also respecting the space of others would help you keep in the mean comments but have a constructive conversation.

It sounds like you only have one bathroom? If not, can you implement the other commenters idea about having him clean the bathroom? Just know you are not alone. Smile

Last In Line's picture

Does he have a physical problem perhaps? (Reaching, really reaching for a reason why a boy this age would do this...)

Have dad tell him that there will be a Dr visit in the near future if the poop problem doesn't stop. And then follow through. He likely would be mortified by having this discussed with a third party, so if it's something he can control, hopefully he will stop.

If physical/medical problems are not the cause, then I'd use punishment and embarrassment. Every turd related incident would result in something being taken from him--x-box controllers, phone time, whatever is important to him. Kid on phone with friends? "Hey SS I found another pair of your crusty undies! Here ya go!" "Hey SS, why is there a turd on your floor?" He won't want his friends to know he has some sort of poop issue.

Amber Miller's picture

OMG. I thought I was the only person in the world who ever said "poop dust". My exh and I had a roommate who had cleanliness and pooping issues. He had to be at least 21. He used to leave what I would call poop dust on the toilet. I was 6 weeks pregnant when the vomiting started and I didn't know I was pregnant. I thought I was dying. I had to look at poop dust as I was vomiting uncontrollably. My husband at the time was very upset that I was upset about the poop dust. He eventually told our roommate that he had to clean up his act. Poor guy was so embarrassed. We got our own apartment. Thankfully my 3 sons don't leave poop dust or turds lying around. Thank god! Now urine? That's another issue but I will take a couple drops over poop dust any day.

hereiam's picture

What is with these men that are offended that the women in their lives do not want poop everywhere? So gross.

We never had that problem with SD but if we did, DH certainly would have been as put off as I would have been.

Poop belongs in one of two places; in the body or in the toilet (and on the way to the sewer, which means FLUSH).

screamingontheinside's picture

"Poop dust" is the only thing I could think of to call what I believe to be remnants of dried fecal matter that he failed to wipe off his butt when he does his #2 business. It seems like every time I use the bathroom after him, it's all over the toilet seat. Yes, we only have one bathroom in our house.

The little "turd" that fell out of what I thought were my clean bed sheets that I just washed was about the size of a raisin, but I knew exactly what it was. It's not the first time I had seen one. I have found them in the groove inside the dryer, and even while cleaning out the lent screen. I usually will check the washer and dryer before putting my clothes in, but I guess I failed to thoroughly check it this time.

I always go through SS's room when he is at school and check things out. We used to have an issue with him leaving major amounts of fecal matter in his boxer shorts...to the point they just needed to be thrown out. I haven't noticed anything like that lately. I think he has just never really been told how to properly clean himself up down there in general.

Like I said, BM has not been in the picture ever, and dads sometimes don't think to explain things like that to their kids. Guess they think that should just be common sense.

I do have Lysol wipes sitting right next to the toilet and yesterday at the store I bought some flushable wet wipes. I think today I am going to type a nice letter on why it is good to maintain proper hygiene and then explain in the letter all the steps he needs to take to take care of himself "down south". It is just to hard for me to have to talk about this with him face to face without totally weirding him out and embarrassing him. Hopefully that might do the trick, we will see.

Tuff Noogies's picture

go ahead, weird him out, embarrass the s#!t out of him (heheehe)

call him out on this right in front of dh. dont be mean, just be matter-of-fact. "hey SS. i've noticed you having some problems with personal cleanliness. i expect u to wipe down the toilet every time you s#!t, there's lysol wipes on the counter. (then u need to plug your nose and go in there after him each and every time) i've also placed flushable wet-wipes next to the toilet - USE THEM on your crusty @$$ instead of leaving evidence everywhere. OH, and the very next time i see turds ANYWHERE, you will find them on your pillow. capiche?"

i would also mention to your dh behind closed doors - what female is ever going to give him head if he smells like $#it?

CatchyUserName's picture

I was going to ask if he has discovered girls yet because that could be a huge motivator. Sometimes (not all the time mind you) the thing that worked with my SS15 was "girls like this" or "girls don't like that".

screamingontheinside's picture

Believe it or not he has had some girlfriends, but they don't seem to last very long. I think the girlfriend thing might play some small factor in that he likes to wear cologne now. But you can't mask stink with cologne. He is a really good looking kid, but he needs to learn how to clean his private parts better and brush his teeth.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

PigPen13 discovered girls 3 years ago. It hasn't stopped him from being a walking, talking pile of filth. At times I think the kid has a permanent dirt ring around his neck. DH has to send him back to rewash his face, neck, and hands Every.Single.Time. As for showering, PP constantly balks and DH has to threaten to take him in there and scrub him down before he'll get in there. For the record, PP is only allowed to use a brown towel.

Gimlet's picture

I would be tempted to just strap him to the roof of the car and go through the car wash.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

That might get those adobe-like skidmarks out of his underwear...

DPW's picture

Is he hairy? I understand that hairy men have a hard time keeping themselves clean. If he is hairy, he can procure a trimmer to attack that bush and help himself stay clean. My gawd.

Overit51's picture

I refuse to use my SDs bathroom, and they cant use ours. They will just throw the used tampons on the floor. SD15 even put her used tampon on top of her dresser once. Gross!!!! I tell guests to use my bathroom. My husband will go in and clean it monthly, but I refuse.