How not to care
I care too much. I'm a "fixer." A caretaker. Just my personality. I've known on an intellectual level that as a SM, there are limits and, ultimately, I can't/shouldn't care more than the bios do. Still, it's hard to internalize that.
Truth is, I care about SS10. I want him to be a good, productive, likable person. He has a lot of potential,
But I can't make him be that way. How he's raised, the values instilled in him, those are all up to DH and BM. My annoyances and frustrations do nothing but make me look like a grumpy, wicked stepmom and create tension with DH.
So. I'm making a more conscious decided effort to stay out of it. I've been trying to do that but I think it's time I buckle down,
It's a small thing, really, but last night was kind of a tipping point. SS had been back with us for two days and DH still has not dealt with the "poop in the closet" thing, though he mentions it again to me, saying he hasn't but he's going to.
Eating had been an issue. SS keeps suddenly deciding ge no longer likes foods he's always loved. Personally I think it's his way of trying to get us to get him fast food or keep other junky stuff around for him like his mom does. We like to get pizza or burgers as much as the next person and we have snacks on hand but we also try to promote some healthy eating habits. And we like to cook. If he doesn't like something, we save it for adult weeks.
So, last night I made breakfast for dinner, which SS has always loved. Homemade biscuits, turkey bacon, scrambled eggs. I did SS's eggs separately since he only likes pepper on his and DH and I prefer a little doctoring. SS took one bite of his eggs, then just ate the biscuits and bacon. This is a kid who wants eggs for breakfast every morning. He told DH they were too salty. (I added no salt. At all.)
Anyway, DH just said he didn't know what to do about it (after letting him get snack foods and then ice cream for dessert). I just shrugged. No advice. No nagging. DH is worried about eating habits but does nothing about it. Not my problem. And if SS won't eat stuff I cook, I just don't cook for him (though, honestly, he does the same with what DH cooks). Not my problem. I'm done bending over backwards to figure out SS-approved meals.