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Do I have a reason to be jealous or am I just being petty?

screamingontheinside's picture

I have been with my DH for 5 1/2 years, married 4 1/2. He has full custody of SS who is now 15, and BM has not been around since he has been a baby. BM lives in another state. BM has had absolutely no contact whatsoever with her son or my DH until after me and DH got together 5 1/2 years ago. She claims she had hired a private investigator to locate him. (Mind you, I have heard stories on how she is a con-artist and identity thief.)

She sent friend request through facebook to my DH, and even got his phone number from facebook and called him. They have been facebook friends ever since. At first, BM would ask how her son was doing and request we send her pictures. Then she would completely vanish for 6 months or so and then come back around again with some sob story on how her "husband died", or she has some form of "illness". I quite frankly don't trust her at all.

My problem now is, my husband posts a lot of videos of himself on facebook and she has recently sent him private messages that she watches them and enjoys them. I know DH does not post them for her benefit, but when I confronted him the other day about it, he got upset and said he thought I was over-reacting. I personally don't understand why he has to be friends with her in the first place. After all, she has absolutely nothing to do with her son, so why should she have the need to be friends with my DH???

Last In Line's picture

IMO If it upsets you, he should unfriend her and block her. His responsibility is to keep his wife happy.

I have serious trust issues because of past experiences, and I wouldn't handle the PMs well at all. It isn't his fault she sends them, but he at the minimum needs to tell her to stop. She sounds like she probably is lonely and is looking to your DH for friendship/companionship/whatever.

WTF...REALLY's picture

It is odd to come out of the wood work and want to communicate all of a sudden. Isn't your husband pissed at her for being out of his sons life all the years? Plus I would think the son would be too.

Odd situation for sure. I would be on alert.

notasm3's picture

It's not a question of being petty or jealous.

I firmly believe that exes are EXES - people not to be in your current life.

BM and DH have been divorced for decades. She was the m*&&%%&*f&&^$# bitc# who did not tell DH when OSS died until after the funeral out of state.

Even without all of that back history I do not believe that DH and BM have any business being friends on FB or in real life. If DH wants to be friends with BM then he can go be friends with her but he will no longer be my DH nor will he be my friend on FB or in real life.

My DH is Mr. Don't make Waves so I just go unfriend her on his FB. I have total access as he can never remember his passwords.

SecondGeneration's picture

I COULD understand your OH thinking it was wisest to accept the friend request and keep her at arms length so she could see SS in photos instead of perhaps risking re-opening court proceedings if she suddenly felt a maternal itch. BUT the moment she started with private messages with the "I enjoyed watching that video of you" then he should have shut her down and blocked her.

That is without putting your feelings in the mix.

Now Im not one who thinks its ok for one partner to control who the other does and does not speak with BUT there is an exception in that. Some people (men and women alike) genuinely have no issue with their partner remaining friendly with their exes, others (majority) do not like it. Now thats not about not trusting your partner is going to do anything with his ex, its more about respect. Its about you feeling frustrated that despite all the bullsh*t the ex pulled, your partner doesnt respect themselves enough to tell that person enough it enough. And if the ex has played particularly nasty games its just confusing to new partners why they have any desire to have any contact at all.

I would let him know, and yes in my mind he should block her. She wants photos of her son? Your OH can email her around SS birthday and christmas, job done