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Just an annoyance - entitlement

Goincrazy40's picture

We were over at my parents this weekend. Don't know what was being discussed but SD12 says "Well, WHEN we go on vacation this summer to the beach … " :jawdrop:

DH says, "Oh yeah, I guess I better get that planned huh?" :jawdrop:

WTF? These kids just ASSUME that they are going to get a week-long beach vacation? They have gotten two and even three damn vacations every summer all their life - DH, BM and GBM. I guess that is where the ASSUME comes from. It just burns me though. DH doesn't have the money for a beach vacation. He owes me a shit ton of money that I gave him to pay off his divorce debt and I have paid a crap load to provide for these kids already.

The first year we lived together, we went to Disney. He paid for the hotel and airfare (with points and miles) and I paid for the tickets. (Who really paid?) The skids were miserable. I was miserable. It was July in FL. It was hot. We were all in the same hotel the entire week. I told DH NEVER AGAIN to Disney. Skids didn't appreciate and cried and complained most of the time. I said if he wanted to do that again, they could go (and pay) without me.

Next two years, we did go to the beach. But drove, and again, stayed in a hotel on DH's points. First year in same room. I put my foot down second year and said adjoining rooms at a minimum as skids were getting too old to share a bed. And I did not want to sleep in the same room as a teenage boy either. Again, skids were miserable a lot of the trip.

Last year, we didn't go anywhere as we had bought a house and I convinced DH that it didn't make sense financially. Skids got to go to beach with BM and GBM. They were pissed that they didn't get to go on a second trip with us though.

So now it is this year and it looks like DH is going to be planning a trip. Because skids live with us full time and HATE their BM and will not be going ANYWHERE with her or GBM. And God only knows, they can't go a single summer with NO BEACH VACATION!!! THEY WILL DIE OF DEPRIVATION!

DH has not been traveling as much the last couple of years, so he does not have a lot of hotel points built up. So I guess that means he will want to slap a luxurious condo on his credit card. Sigh.

Orange County Ca's picture

You're vacation will be somewhere else after you have had a serious (I'm ready to leave) discussion with him over how your money is spent and how he's going to pay you back.

Millions of families don't go on vacations or go stay with grandma for a few days in the country and these kids can make do.

You didn't mention kids of your own. Why haven't you considered that this was a mistake? Move out and find a single guy. That vacation week would be a wonderful time to move by the way. Relaxed packing and moving time and when they get back you can hand him your key and out the door.

onthefence2's picture

As a bm to two kids who have gone to the beach most summers, they talk about "when we go to the beach this summer" because, well, why wouldn't they? It's happened every year; it's not their fault! LOL If skids were your kids and it made you happy that your kids were excited about their vacations, you would look at this totally differently. Do you expect the kids to say nothing, and act like it's a huge surprise when they get notified that they DO get to go to the beach this summer? That would be weird, right? I'm not sure what your expectations are. They don't get the adult/money part of this as well they shouldn't. Because they are kids.

Goincrazy40's picture

My DH is the reason the skids have no concept whatsoever of money or earning anything. He was a Disney Dad when they didn't live here full time. So even when he was drowning in debt, he still spent like a maniac to be the "THE BEST DAD EVER"

In spite of many conversations with these kids (Who are very smart, gifted) over what the reality of the finances are around here and WHO has paid for things (ME) they don't give a rats ass. They want what they want. Dad still buys them every darn thing and they don't do anything around here, really. They might do "A" chore on the weekend if I throw a complete hissy fit.

So yes, a 14 and 12 year old - who are both going to be 15 and 13 this summer - should totally get that vacations don't just "happen." Someone has to pay for them. They are certainly old enough. But the both of them are manipulative, entitled children of divorce who know how this game is played. They EXPECT a beach vacation and someone better damn well give em one. Even if it is SM who is gonna pay for it. They don't really care. Just tell them when they need to get in the car to go!