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DH pissed about "that time of the month"

foolmeonce's picture

I have two DDs (13 and 16) who live with us full time because their father has passed away and a SS14 who only lives with us during the week. 

DH planned for all of us to go on vacation to the beach this week together.  As planned, DH and SS14 left for the beach this morning because I still had to work today and half the day tomorrow.  Plus, DDs had a dentist appointment and a few tests to take for school today and tomorrow. 

Well, DD13 started her period yesterday.  After much deliberation, I finally agreed to let her stay at my aunt's house instead of going to the beach.  Believe me, I really wanted her to go with us but agreed that the 5 hour trip to and from the beach along with spending 3 full days at the beach would be miserable for her since the temps will be in the 90's, we would be away from the travel trailer about 8 hours each day, we are cramped in the travel trailer with not much personal space and the restrooms at the beach would be several miles away from where we would be at not to mention they might not even be open to the public due to the corona virus.

So, this morning, as luck would have it, my DD16 starts her period!  Ugh!  Now she doesn't want to go because she's started her period once before while we were on a beach vacation and she was miserable the entire time.

So, I decided to just not go to the beach since both DDs aren't feeling up to going.  Figured that I wouldn't have that much fun since SS14 ignores me all the time plus him and DH would be fishing most of the time that I would be there.  DH said that he was disappointed...which I totally understand.....but now he's complaining saying that he doesn't understand why we can't go because we still go to work and school when it's that time of the month.  I tried explaining that the restrooms are more accessible at work and school unlike at the beach.  Then DH starts complaining about how he spent so much time getting the travel trailer ready (I helped with the travel trailer too plus bought most of the food that DH took with them this morning) and planning around all of us and that he's not going to do that any more.  Basically, he's never planning for me and my DDs to go on a vacation with him and SS again.

This is the very first time this has ever happened.  We have always gone together on vacations unless I have to work.  And DH takes multiple trips each year with just DS14 or sometimes with his work buddies to go fishing.  What I'm trying to figure out is if DH is just overreacting and trying to guilt-trip me about not going on this beach vacation without my DDs or if I'm in the wrong for not going on this trip.

advice.only2's picture

May your DH get Montazuma's revenge while stuck in the said travel trailer and the bathrooms are miles away.

susanm's picture

"I'm never going to take you and the DD's on vacation with SS and me again!"  Really?  Do you promise?  Can I have that in writing?  Time to plan a lovely spa trip or head to the nearest interesting city for a nice girl's weekend once this pandemic is over.

Seriously though, you would think that he would be fine with a surprise guy's weekend.  And being a married man who has experienced pregnancy and childbirth he should be pretty familiar with basic female biology.  That is an oddly intolerant reaction.  

foolmeonce's picture

DH and his first wife weren't married long because he found out she was cheating on him while he was at work.  They got a divorce before SS was even 3 years old.  I think that DH is just upset because he worked hard to get everything ready for all of us to have a good time together and now he is stuck with just SS.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Call the waaaah-mbulance!!! Your H is having a Mantrum.

Plan a mini vacay for you and your DDs. Maybe a spa/beach/feminine type weekend of mother-daughter bonding. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I'd say the universe did your daughters a favor. Now they don't have to stay in a trailer with little personal space with a boy who has groped a teenage girl in the past.

Cbarton12's picture

Your DH sounds immature AF.

Periods suck in any circumstance. I sure as heck dont want to go to the beach or be in a trailer with it. 

Lndsy747's picture

Personally I can't think of a single time I've ever changed plans because of my period. With that being said if they didn't want to go then so what. I get you not wanting to drive that far on your own. It was something unexpected and he should be more flexible and understanding. He's being a whiny jerk about it and definitely overreacting.

foolmeonce's picture

This is the very first time that we have ever changed plans because of that time of the month for any of us.  Yes, I think that DH is definitely overreacting.  He's a guy plus has never raised girls so he doesn't understand periods.

justmakingthebest's picture

Teen girls are super sensitive and secretive about periods. There is no way at 13 I would want to go to the beach dealing with all that especially with guys there. I don't blame the girls one bit. Without them in the picture it makes sense for it to turn into a "guys" trip anyway.

Sounds to me like he just doesn't want to hang out with his son.... 

Winterglow's picture

"Basically, he's never planning for me and my DDs to go on a vacation with him and SS again."

Way over the top as reactions go.

Honestly though, he should get used to the idea of no more family jaunts because the girls are at an age where a lack of privacy is going to bother them more, they're going to want to spend more time with their friends than their parents, there will soon be boyfriends on the horizon (if that hasn't already happened), etc. None of that will be just to spite hime personally :)  Life happens.

DPW's picture

Boo hoo. He's a guy and doesn't get it and will never get it. Listen, I'm an outdoorsy gal and don't let anything stop me. Last year I went white water rafting on my period and I get it.... what a pain! It's up to the individual woman to decide what she is capable to or wants to do. I understand if this was a dream trip to Europe, but this, I'm assuming, is something more regular as you have your own trailer. There will be other trips. He should look at the positives and realize he can have a father-son bonding trip. 

foolmeonce's picture

Yeah, no dream trip here and if it was, I highly doubt that we would take the kids with us.  This is a beach trip that we take once or twice a year to the same exact location.  I would have gone alone if DDs were older and I could leave them at home alone.  Didn't think that it was a good idea to leave 2 teenage girls both on their periods at my 65 year old aunt's house.  Just wouldn't be a pleasant experience for her to have to deal with while I'm off at the beach.

foolmeonce's picture

Found out this evening that the fishing isn't the greatest plus DH slipped on a jetty and skinned up his arm and knee really good.  He will be sore for several days.  Plus, SS got stung by a jelly fish.  When I told DDs about what happened, they laughed and said it was karma!  Haha!  Serves them right for all the crap talk DH gave me yesterday.

Rags's picture

Yes.... DH is being a baby and over reacting.  And ... Yes.  You are wrong.  Though I do understand the reason you and your girls chose not to participate.  To me the commitment trumps the extenuating circumstances and you and your girls should have gone.

My parents backed out  a number of big camping trips over many years due to what I always considered to be unimportant interferances.  My grandmother was famous for playing the guilt card any time she was told that our family was going on vacation.   "Oh, I am dying. Everylaone should come see me. It will be the time......"  So my mom would drag my dad off to see my GM and back out of the trip.  I finally told my mother that telling her mother about our plans was playing into GM's manipulations and suggested that she not say a word until after the trip was over.  She adopted that suggestion and mom and dad joined us for several trips for the next 10 years. My grandmother lived another decade+ and we all visited her several times without missing our family trips.   In the second wave of backing out, it was when my brother and his family moved overseas.  If there was even a hint that he or any member of his family might could possibly visit, mom would back out of visits or trips with us.   That we lived half way accross the country for the first two years that my brother's family lived overseas and we moved overseas and remained there for 7 straight years though we visited my parents regularly.   My brother's family moved back two years after we moved overseas.  There has always been an imbalance between plans with us and quilt from any number of other people that would cause my mom to motivate my parents to back out.

So.... I obviously have some unresolved issues regarding this topic. 

Just my thoughts of course.

DH's tantrum to never prepare for a camper trip again is just pathetic and juvenile.  I would not let that one go for quite a while and would call him on it regularly.

 

 

foolmeonce's picture

DH apparently is still in a pissy mood because he's only replying to my texts and not really initiating his own. No good morning or good night texts either unless I send it first. No phone calls except for the only one when he called to say they made it there and then complain about us not coming. To me, he's being childish AF about this.