Vacations/Trips without the Stepkid
So, me and DH are planning on going to Las Vegas for our anniversary next year. We always go out of town on our anniversary. Last year we went to Vegas and I want to go back again this year. HOWEVER. Since we went to LV last year, SS14 has started saying to his dad, "You know what I will do anything for? I will do anything to go to Las Vegas". His reason is because his favorite youtube/gamer does signing or something over there.
I am not bringing SS14 to Las Vegas for my anniversary or ever. If he wants to go to Vegas, he can wait until he is old enough and have enough money to go on his own. We are already planning on going for an out of the country vacation in the future and I feel like SS14 does not need to travel with us all the time especially just because he said he wants to go to this and that place. My DH would not bring him on our anniversary trip, he knows how I feel about that. But I feel a little guilty, not because I feel sad for SS14 because I don't. I just hate feeling I can't completely feel happy and excited because of SS14.
What do you all think? What do you think about trips/vacations without your stepkids? Am I evil?
You are not evil. Leave the
You are not evil. Leave the kid home. An anniversary trip is for u and your hubby.
My SS14 is with us EVERY
My SS14 is with us EVERY weekend, Friday-Sunday. And every all day every day on Christmas holidays. Summer - if SS14 decides he wants to spend more days, it is his decision. I am NOT even factored in the decision if I'm okay with that or not. Also, after this LV trip next year, we plan to take SS14 to an out of state trip and take a family boat trip. I'm pretty sure I am not selfish.
OH OK. Sorry, new here! I get
OH OK. Sorry, new here! I get a bit confused if the message was for me or not. LOL
"Travel is a luxury that is
"Travel is a luxury that is earned. Children don't earn travel. Adults earn travel."
WOW
That seems to cold and strange.
I think most parents actually enjoy vacationing with their children. I always looked forward to adult only and family vacations.
OK, I misunderstood your
OK, I misunderstood your post. I thought you meant all vacations.
I agree,the kid should not be included in this trip.
"The skid can get a summer
"The skid can get a summer job, save up, and go when he's older... like most well adjusted well brought up young adults who have been raised well enough not to have a sense of entitlement as to feel owed to being coddled along on mommy's every trip"
THIS. THANK YOU.
Love this. Thank you,
Love this. Thank you, MAMAZEN. It is not cold and strange. As a person who was never spoiled by their parents and who's always earned what I have, I agree with you. Children nowadays are so entitled... One time, he asked his dad, "can you buy me a cellphone?. His dad asked why and SS14 said, "because I'm your son". I AM NOT KIDDING.
The kid shouldn't be included
The kid shouldn't be included in the anniversary trip. However, there's nothing wrong with dad taking the kid there alone (or any other place for that matter).
The OP not wanting to vacation with the boy (don't blame her for that)shouldn't prevent dad from vacationing with him.
Plenty of people take there kids to Vegas. They spend the day at the pools and sight seeing.
Thank you! SS14 does not know
Thank you! SS14 does not know yet that we are going. We haven't bought our tickets yet or anything like that and I'm pretty sure once we do and once his dad mentions that we won't get him one weekend because we won't be in town, SS14 would say "I want to go", "It's not fair". This is a very entitled stepson that I have. And I want to equip myself with words to say to him so he can get in his head that he needs to grow older, get a job, and go to Vegas using his own money because not everything needs to happen now and not everything needs to be handed to him on a silver platter now. (of course I will not say that). I will say that it is "one of the most child-Unfriendly places in the country" and "we are not going to Vegas to go to the pool or their theme park".
Last year, my anniversary
Last year, my anniversary trip was me and husband in Vegas. Then, we went to Georgia for a 4 day vacation WITH stepson so that he experiences to attend one of the largest anime convention in the US. Then, two months after, we went on a 3 day vacation in Virginia Beach WITH SS14. Then the year before that, we took ss14 for a vacation to Pigeon Forge, TN where it's literally a theme park for the family. Are you happy now? Geez some people here are judgmental. and I am new here. I am not liking this site because of someone like you
Thanks anotherstep2. Holy
Thanks anotherstep2. Holy crap! If she is a stepmom and she is one of the lucky ones who are in love and cannot live withOUT their step kids then go figure! More power to her! She is so lucky she is not going through what most step moms here are going through. But man! she is mean!
thank you, nonetheless granny
thank you, nonetheless granny goose.
Dammit Granny..its hot
Dammit Granny..its hot here..and I'm having a lovely icy cold Summer beer..well..I bloody choked on it and ended up with beer up my nose when I read your comment. You say what you mean and mean what you say..I friggin LOVE IT!!
Sometimes..it just feels too damn good to get it out there..and in this case..HRNYC deserved it. On ya!! She does tend to stick up for BMs and is totally biased. Hope the newbies soon learn her vibe..which is..BM rules..period. dot. There are rare occasions where her advice is good. In this case? Nope.
Enjoy your anniversary op. SS14 will just hafta respect the fact that sometims..adults need to take time out..he'll do the same for his future partner one day.
Go! Don't worry about the
Go! Don't worry about the skid. He doesn't need to be there and you don't have to worry or feel guilty that he isn't! It's your and your DH's Anniversary!
Just a bit of the kid
Just a bit of the kid friendly stuff Vegas has to offer.
https://www.vegas.com/attractions/attractions-for
I agree with the OP 100% about not including the kid on their anniversary trip.
HA! I clicked on the link
HA! I clicked on the link and it says, 'Oops, we don't think this is really where you want to be'!
https://www.vegas.com/attract
https://www.vegas.com/attractions/attractions-for-kids/
That's better, but the first
That's better, but the first one was funny...considering. Come on, you have to admit that it was kind of ironic.
It's not weird or evil to not
It's not weird or evil to not want to take kids (of any kind, bio or step) on an anniversary trip. It's verging a little on the selfish side not to want to take him on ANY vacations. As a parent I'd have an issue with my spouse wanting to leaving my kids behind for every vacation.
HOWEVER in your comments you state that you do go on family vacations. So obviously it's not an issue of any vacation. While your OP suggests to me that you didn't want SS on any vacations, your comments have cleared that up a bit. As to Vegas with a kid, well I wouldn't do it. But I don't like gambling or drinking so Vegas doesn't scream awesome destination to me either. DH and I went to Vegas for our honeymoon - (it was free) and we regretted it. We're thinking of going to a Sandals resort once BS1.5 and BS4 are old enough to stay with Grandma & Grandpa for a week.
Offer to bring SS for his
Offer to bring SS for his 21st bday. I have done this with my kids and it is a blast to celebrate a 21st bday this way. This way, you aren't saying no to SS...you are saying just not right now.
Truth be told, Vegas is for adults!
Parents in first (intact)
Parents in first (intact) families take trips without kids. Parents in first (intact) families don't spend weeks worrying about the kids being left out. Why should blended families be different?
Time alone for parents, in all types of families, strengthens the parental bond and that is good for both parents and kids.
I say go without the Skid.
I say go without the Skid. We used to. It took me a number of years to finally get the point across to my bride that I was sick and tired of foregoing vacations due to her guilt fealings about doing things while SS was on SpermClan visitation. That topic came to a head one summer when my family had planned a trip to the SC coast and it happened to fall during the SpermClan's 5wk summer visitation with the SKid which they would only notify us about 60 days ahead of time about. The CO required that they notify us in writting no less than 60 days prior to any CO'd visitation they chose to take. One of their manipulations was to notify us at the last possible moment. It bit them in the ass a few times though. If they were being manipulative we would not support any visitation that they failed to notify us in writting less than 60 days prior. Their preferred method was to notify us via telephone. If they were being jackasses we would tell them to mail the request to us and since it was too late to make it to us by post in time to meet the 60 days they had to adjust accordingly and make sure that the written notice was received no less than 60 days prior.
On the trip to the SC coast, my bride wanted to not go without SS so I told her fine... she could choose to not go with me but that I was going. So... she came too. She struggled a bit with guilt during the trip but she did get the point that if we postponed every vacation opportunity that SS was not available for we would not do much vacationing. Of course I tried to coordinate vacations with SS's visitation schedule so that he would not miss out but... if it did not align... that is the way the mop flopped and we went without him.
Since then she has worked through the guilt tendencies and has had no problems with the two of us taking vacations if there was opportunity to do so when SS was with the SpermClan.
Forget the guilt. Guilt is a choice you are making. Make a different choice.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
H*ll no, kids don't go on
H*ll no, kids don't go on adult anniversary getaway celebrations. However,
" His reason is because his favorite youtube/gamer does signing or something over there."
Dad could perhaps try to get the signature for kid, IF 1)it an easy swing-by (without fees to obtain) while you're showering and preparing for dinner. If it means having to pay and attend some gaming convention rather than sipping wine with his wife and enjoying adult couple activities... forget it.
And seriously? Four days in GA for an anime convention? Lady, next time let that be a father/son getaway. Book yourself and a friend into some fun exciting city sightseeing and sampling local specialty foods, shopping, nightlife and the like.
I've tried vacations with
I've tried vacations with skids but they always were terrible so I no longer consider taking them. If my husband wants to take them on his own I'm ok with that.
And I agree with the others that Vegas isn't kid friendly and he shouldn't be going on an anniversary trip. Schedule it for time when he's not with you.
Thanks ya'll for your
Thanks ya'll for your responses. So, I have a question for stepmoms who say Dad can take skid in another trip with just him and skid... So do you and DH have a joint account or do you and DH maintain a separate account? If you have a JOINT account and say DH wants to take skid to travel somewhere, are you okay with DH using your money too to take skid on a separate vacation just him and skid? Just throwing it out there, want to know what ya'll think about that.
If that's an issue in your
If that's an issue in your particular situation, then find ways to work around it. Example, a joint account for joint household expenses, a possible second joint account for 'couple' money (like the anniversary trips, date nights) and two separate accounts for 'me me me' (individual wants, treats, personal shopping... things that aren't a 'shared' expense nor benefits the both of you as a couple/household).
I assume your DH pays child support, his share of kid's medical, perhaps extra activities like school sports. None of that should be coming out of a joint 'our' account. His kid, solely his expense. Would be similar to a father/son trip with where the money is drawn from. His kid, their trip, DH's account pays.
None of it should affect the household account, the savings account or any jointly shared budget agenda.
Nope do not even feel guilty
Nope do not even feel guilty - children should not be included in honeymoons or anniversary trips...
it's that easy..... SS can go on and on about how he wants to go to Vegas, smile and say nothing...
if he goes on and on... smile and say, yes SS we've heard you but remember you can't always get what you want...