I need advice. Close to calling it quits and sad.
I have posted on here quite a few times about all of the drama with our crazy, manipulative BM and my skids from hell. I am finding this all so hard to deal with. It's complicated though and I wonder if anyone else has been in a similar situation. DH and I have completely co-mingled and blended our families. Our kids actually get along great 99% of the time and usually spend a lot of time all of them together hanging out when they are all at our house. DH is a very caring, supportive, loving, romantic husband. His biggest downfall is he is a lazy parent and neither him nor his ex have ever really disciplined the skids or taught them how to be respectful little people. Especially with all the drama with BM, DH is too afraid of hurting the skids feelings to ever follow through with discipline or make them behave. SS11 is just gross. He has zero manners and is just nasty. SS9 has no manners either, chews with his mouth open, and never washes his hands but is also a bitchy little drama queen who is constantly complaining or pouting about something.
Then you have my bios. DD is 9 and DS is 11. Same age as the skids so I know damn well how kids this age CAN behave. And I have always been pretty strict on my kids and it has paid off. They are clean, respectful, helpful, and all around pleasant to be around. Everyone compliments me on what great kids they are. And I know my DH sees it as well. He will make comments about he wishes his boys behaved the way my kids do. Well they could if you put in any kind of effort in parenting them!! DH is great with my bios and they absolutely adore him. He treats them just like he would his own flesh and blood. He chaperones field trips, coaches baseball, helps with homework, and is a really great stepdad. The only thing he's horrible at is discpline and follow through which luckily I have that covered on my end with my bios.
What sucks is how messed up our little blended family is because of the skids. I know I sound like a horrible person for saying this but our family would be perfect if the skids would go live with their crazy mother full time. They are miserable all the time and don't enjoy any of the same stuff that we do. Truthfully neither one of them are happy unless they are in their room in front of a video game. DH is an athlete and loves sports. My DS does as well. They watch games together and DH even coached little league last year. DH, myself and my bios enjoy being outside, fishing, going to the beach, riding bikes, etc. Skids hate all of the above. When we try to do anything as a family the skids spend the entire time bitching and complaining and making the rest of us miserable. And the problem is, there's nothing they enjoy that we could all go do. They hate EVERYTHING except video games at home or going to the local arcade. That's it.
Now we have a 5-day trip planned to my family's beach house for spring break. I have been looking forward to it for months. The house is on a canal, we'll be 10 minutes from the beach, we have a pontoon boat right at our dock that we can take out. So I start telling all the kids last night our plans for spring break next week. Bios are super excited and start making plans. They are telling skids how awesome it is and about the dolphins that swim right up to our dock, the beach down the road that we can take the puppies to, how we can take the boat out and go snorkeling... Both skids get that miserable look on their faces that they always have and immediately start complaining. Why do we have to go for so long? What else is there to do? Are there any other options or do we HAVE to do that? Is there wifi? What if they don't want to go on the boat can they stay home alone?
I am so pissed at this point. In the original parenting plan DH was given ALL of spring break every year with the boys. So we are stuck with them. What I would love to do is tell them to go spend the week with their mother. I have no doubt they are going to make us all miserable and ruin this trip. DH just keeps saying "I'm sure they'll have fun. Once we get there it will be fine. If they don't want to do some stuff I'll just make them or stay at the house with them while you and the kids go out." I wish he would finally just lose his shit on them and tell them to stop being such unappreciate little brats and try to enjoy something in life. I can't even talk about our trip anymore because they are already ruining it and it's still a week away. And it's ALWAYS like this with them no matter what we try to do. I told DH I really think he should just let their mother have them for the week if she will take them. We will ALL be happier. Obviously these kids don't have any interest in spending their break with us. He absolutely refuses. "It will all be fine" is his answer for everything.
What advice does anyone have? How am I supposed to deal with this?? I am at the end of my rope honestly and sat at work this morning crying because I am so beyond frustrated witht he whole situation I'm stuck in.