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Does anyone else dread father's day

strader's picture

Being a full time step-dad for 10 years, I use to feel honored on father's day when I first started out and for a while. But after all this time of giving the financial support and being the adult I'm always reminded indirectly that I'm not the father. It makes me dread father's day because I probably won't head the words that day, and if I do it's not sincere.

TwoOfUs's picture

So sorry!

I dread Mother's Day bc I have no bio's of my own and it kind of hurts. Like you, I provide a lot financially for these kids who aren't mine. They actually do acknowledge me on Mother's Day, so I am lucky...but it's still not the same.

AND I dread Father's Day because BM doesn't help the skids do anything (even though we help them do something for her for Mother's Day every year, as well as her bday and Christmas...but I suppose that's just her due?) At one point I realized that we were helping to provide three presents a year times three kids...so NINE presents. And then I was also helping them get 9 presents every year for DH and DH was helping them get presents for me, too. If they do anything for Father's Day, it's because I push the issue and make it happen for him...and I don't always have time, or access to the kids in time, to make it happen. Now that they're all older, it's all on them. Usually they do a good job with Christmas, but they're a bit sporadic with birthdays and Father's Day. At any rate, I dread it because it's just an opportunity for DH to get his feelings hurt or for me to spend money so that he doesn't...

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I dread it simply because the skids MIGHT want to come over. And it's definitely a MIGHT. For all they proclaim to love my DH, they have never once wished him a happy birthday, given him one single birthday, Father's Day, or Christmas card, or a gift of any sort. Not even a damn handmade card. All they care about is what Daaaaaaaddddeeeee can GIVE THEM. They suck.

dragonfly878's picture

^ this.

Buggy2's picture

My father passed away four years ago. My birthday usually falls on or around father's day. When I was kid, well into adulthood, we took family trips on during the week on father's day and my birthday. Theses last four years, crawl in my bed and watch Psycho and Aliens movie. This year, my mom (SM), has decided to take myself and DD away on a special trip. SO will be spending it with his kids.

SugarSpice's picture

i dread fathers day every year.

all the skids ignore dh and dont even send cards.  he always has a good reason as to why they dont but he he secretly hurt.

i always get cat father cards because he loves the kitties and they curl up on him in the evening.

he deals with his hurt by kicking my butt.  its a sick mind who projects in this way.

this year one of the skids had another grandchild their first.  dh says its ok not to get a card because of new baby.  well what about the other children?  what is their excuse?

the skids always suck up to their father when they need something or money. 

Rags's picture

Sugar and spice

“He deals with his hurt by kicking my butt.  its a sick mind who projects in this way.”

Please expand in this part of your post.  If you are saying he beats you then just put a bullet between his eyes and put him out of your misery.

Major Blunder's picture

I never look forward to FD, I always half hope that neither skid is around but the other half hopes they finally have the revelation of who I am and all that I have done for them, another one has passed and neither were around (half wish come true) but one the other side not even a call or a simple note of thank you or a half hearted Happy Father's Day ( sadly enough their own BD acknowledged me me by phone, said I have always been there )

DW got a card for me from herself and one from the grand skids we are raising, and a nice personalized mouse pad with pics of the grand skids on it ( even though I have been saying outright about wanting tickets to a Descendents concert later this summer lol  )

Went to inlaws for a cookout, DW wound up not feeling well and I got to rush around the end of the day taking care of house work and getting the grand skids to bed.

Wooooo Hooooo can't wait till next year !

Dannyboy123's picture

Being a step parent now for 3 years, i always dread fathers day too. The bio father is a dead beat who doesnt call or is involved in my skids life besides seeing her for a few hours a week. She doesnt understand whats he is doing to her yet and he always gets the day with her. I do more in a day for her then he has in 7 years, so it sucks to see. My first post hello everyone step father here

Rags's picture

Welcome, I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and to pick up som useful advice and perspective from others who are living the adventure of the blended family dream.

It is good to have another StepDad here.  There are not too many of us on STalk.

As us often the case, StepDads are far more a father to the Skids than the BioDads tend to be.  Particularly StepDads married to the CP.

bertieb's picture

But obviously not. It's 3:00 and DH hasn't heard from his kids. One is single, totally, no girlfriend or friends we know of, just work. The other has 3 kids and enjoying his own Fathers Day I'm sure. DH keeps checking his phone for a text. I soo want to text and tell them he could use the attention. He also has an angel son, 5 years. They don't stop to think how he feels with that underlying either.

 

 

 

 

mjo's picture

Hi all, glad to join your group, and this is my first post.  So I'm the second step-father to my two SDs, and BD is largely out of the picture.   SDs have know their first SD since they were 3 & 4 (they're 15 & 16 now), but he doesn't live with them anymore but keeps consistent contact...which truly is no problem.  I had just heard stories about how mean he was to both SDs while they were young, but he also showers them with constant gifts whenever he can ( buying their affection...but that's always been my and my wife's take on that situation).  Since I've starting being in their lives (7 years now), I've had to become the more disciplined and routine enforcing person in their lives, as it was sorely needed.  Their BM is pretty passive, and wants more to be their friends than a disciplinarian.   I can tell that I've been a positive influence for both the SDs and their mom/DW....but they still see me more as the 'hard ass', instead of as the person giving them long-overdue structure.  I hope that someday they see me for how much I've done for them...but I'm sure we're still a ways off from that....if ever.  

So for Father's Day, I got an "oh, btw, happy Father's day" as one of the SDs left a room.  I was actually glad to get that...seeing as I figured I wouldn't hear anything at all from them.  Didn't hear a thing from the other SD, period.  But the part that hurt was a facebook post from the first SD to her first SF was a very thorough "you are the best father figure I could ever ask for...thanks for raising me right" post on his page that I just happened to come across last night.  Just makes me feel even more that neither SDs see me as a father figure....I'm just a walking wallet that takes care of all of their needs.   I'll be able to move on from this...but it just sucks to think after 7 years of trying to make these SDs better humans....this is what little thanks I get.  I don't want to talk about this with their mom, as I know from experience that she'll just get defensive on their behalf.

Thanks for letting me vent....I needed this.