Tables turned (Child support)
I know the majority of this forum is step moms, and the major of child support is fathers paying mothers. But what happens when the child goes to live with dad?
I've been with my wife for 10 years with 2 step children. SD13, SS17 now. BD was paying small ammount of CS for those 10 years, about $225 per kid. Recently, and somewhat tragically, SD13 who I raised and loved as my own daughter full time for 10 years suddenly turns on us and becomes a problem child (mainly didn't like being punished anymore). Mainly turns on me, and wants to be with her no-rules dad now. I personally think he brainwashed her into it...Long story short, she is with him now and SS17 is still with us, so immediately he has CS cancelled based on SS17 being with us and SD13. So that saves him $450 a month right off the bat.
My biggest fear when I married my wife was to ever have to pay another man money to raise his own kid if some how one went to live with him. My wife (BM) doesn't work. This is a choice I made when I took her in. I was raised in a household with a father working mother home taking care of things. Anyway, back to my concern, when SS17 turns 18, and even though he claimed who wouldn't ask for suppport. IF he does, will my wife be expect to pay any more than the $225 this guy only paid for 10 years? Or since she's not working will they use my income? I think that would be total BS since I cover finances above and beyond the little support he gave for 10 years. Would that even be taken into consideration?
Depends on your state
Depends on your state rules.
If you lived in my state your wife would be ordered to find immediate full time employment and pay her share of child support. PERIOD.
There is only one exception in my state and that is if the person ordered is disabled and gets state support for disability.
Check your state laws.
Good luck!
In my state, they don't count
In my state, they don't count the step parents income at all. They take mom's income. They take dad's income. They look at how many overnight days the child spends and they have a formula based on that.
May I ask 'who' decided on
May I ask 'who' decided on what CS would now be paid and by which parent? If what was now decided on was not based on state laws/guidelines and set per the state/CO, your DW will want to be sure it is indeed properly calculated and ordered.
As to when SS ages out? Again you need to check state law and guidelines in your state. It will have nothing to do with what Dad paid Mom over the years. That's not how CS works. What will happen will be an order based on state law/guidelines. In my state NCP is flat 20% of income and it's not based on any stepparent income. With that said, my state would not mean, however, your wife would pay nothing just because she chooses to be unemployed SAHM.
Like others said, XH can't
Like others said, XH can't just decide to stop paying CS without going through the courts. Take him to court, and he'll be ordered arrears up until the date of the court hearing. In our state, CS would not be based on step parent's income, but on the potential income the bioparent can earn. If your DW were to go out and get a job, could she get more than minimum wage? It would be up to her to find a way to come up with the money (either get a job or stepparent cover) but that's how it would be figured. I don't know if a 13 year old is allowed to choose which parent to live with.
Well, first off, this wasn't
Well, first off, this wasn't about trying to get SD13 back. We accept that she is over there now, even though the way it all went down was very disappointing, to lose someone you loved and cared for for 10 years, and see them turn on you and want to be with BD all of a sudden who was never close with her before, and she still doesn't seem to have any remorse on leaving. The grief she was causing my wife and I at home would have split us. The CS cancelation was based on having everything documented through a lawyer and filed with the system. They have joint custody and he is now the primary custodian of her and BM is primary over SS17, and it was written in such a way that the CS would cancel each other. He needed custody in order to get her in the school system there.
Your wife would likely be
Your wife would likely be imputed on either what she was earning before becoming voluntarily unemployed or what she could earn (at least minimum wage @ 40 hrs/wk).
Yep, your DW very well could
Yep, your DW very well could get nailed for CS. Whether she works or not she is still responsible for supporting her children just like BioDad was when he was paying CS when SD was living with you.
Since DW is not working the most likely scenario is that the court will impute an income on DW, probably fll time at minimum wage if DW did not have a prior career, and her CS obligation will be established at that level. If DW had a career before, her income may be imputed at what she could reasonably expect to make had she not quit her career when you married.
When my DW was a full time college student/stay at home mom in the early years of our marriage the Judge imputed a full time minimum wage income on her when calculating the Sperm Idiot's CS obligation. As a single teem mom DW was awarded full legal and physical custody of SS and the Sperm Idiot always owed CS. Not much ($110/mo initially) but he always owed. My DW also had a financial obligation to support the kid and the court set that through an imputed income while DW was not working.
Your income likely will not come into play in calculating CS but in reality if your DW is nailed for CS and does not have a job .... it will be your income that covers her CS obligation.
OK, well does this make me a
OK, well does this make me a bad person: I've been paying for medical insurance for stepkids for years through my job. When SD left, my rates didn't go down because one kid is the same as two. But the amount I'm paying just to have SS17 on the insurance is a lot. When SS17 turns 18, and BD does pull this card to start asking for CS, I will have to drop the son from medical coverage to help pay the CS then. So, in turn he just screwed over his son. And the reason this doesn't bother me is the SS17 has been loyal to his BD from the beginning. Both of them team up with lies to me, they cover for each other, it's amazing I do anything for this kid who clearly doesn't appreciate what I've done for him his whole life.
And while we are talking medical, I'm also fronting car insurance 6 month payment, and letting him pay me back monthly without interest (because my dad did that for me to help). But, both of these, fronting insurance payment and medical for a step kid who will now be 18 and treats me like I'm an idiot with the lies he does. Does it make me a bad person stop helping the step son because of what his dad is doing (or might do)?
No, of course it does not
No, of course it does not make you a bad person. However, you need to be careful about dropping the Skid from your medical when he turns 18. In the US parents have to cover their kids until they are 26 unless they are otherwise covered.
I can't even drop my Skid from my insurance and he is 22 and has been in the USAF for 4 years. My employer will not allow a child to be dropped prior to 26 without a death certificate. So, I cover my Skid. He does not know it or need but ...
My wife and I had guardianship of my SIL when she was 17-18. When she left and moved back to the land of the idiots I could not even drop her from my insurance. She is now 28 and I was only able to drop her 2 years ago.
Thanks for the advice, I was
Thanks for the advice, I was unaware of mandatory medical for that long. I doubt my wife's ex has medical on SD13 now, but since he has custody now that should be his responsibility. The fact that I do have to continue medical on step son that long and he is intending on going to college I should be able to continue to ask for support for him then. This all stems on a bunch of "what if"s. My wife is goes insane about how I let my mind run all these scenarios, I call it being prepared, but at the same time I'm killing myself with all of these "what if" scenarios. That's been the problem from the beginning. I was more concerned about the the step children's well being and discipline and grades than Bio Mom (my wife) and Bio dad put together. And, I ended up being the bad guy in the end. I wish I had my old life back.
It may be time for your wife
It may be time for your wife to get a job and help support her kids.
Now that she is the NCP, she may be required to pay CS, health insurance and child care. Yes, dad can request child care (for example summer camp) for a teenager. That camp could be a sleep away and/or travel camp.
You should take a look at your state's CS site.
Strader, you need this site,
Strader, you need this site, please visit often: "I was more concerned about the the step children's well being and discipline and grades than Bio Mom (my wife) and Bio dad put together."
Many a stepparent has found that this does, indeed, make us the bad guy. Visit ST and you will find lots of stories you can relate to and quite a few tips on how to handle the bio-dad, the courts, the skids, and your spouse. And most of all, yourself.
Good luck with your situation. And much empathy on what you're going through. Hope we see more of you.
How long has she been living
How long has she been living with BD? The grass is always greener and at 13 she may decide living with him isn't as great as she thought it was going to be. Are you prepared to let her come back if she changes her mind?
Sorry, I just realized this doesn't answer your actual question at all. Still, something to think about.
In my country it goes by
In my country it goes by personal income....for 4 years we payed child support for a child we barely saw and I say we because my partner and I have joint finances but now that he is in our care we get nothing because she earns less than what their algorithms say it cost to support yourself