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coaching sports team

Red_12's picture

Folks call me "Red", and I am new to this forum, so I'm not too familiar with all the abbreviations. I wanted to ask some input on an issue that has me confused/frustrated.

I'm a step-dad, married to biological mom for 3 years ( she has two kids from prior marriage - ages 9 and 11). I am coaching a little league baseball team, and both step kids both want to play on the team. The younger stepchild is extremely talented at baseball; on a daily basis he talks about his two dreams: playing major league baseball, and playing in the little league world series. The older stepchild is not as talented, but likes and wants to play - however, due to her shyness, she will only play on a team if I am the coach. If I'm not the coach, she won't play at all.

I am an experienced coach and baseball player - I played amateur baseball until last year, and have coached dozens of recreational and competitive baseball teams over the past decade- even before I knew my wife and her kids. I have even co-coached teams with biological dad in the past. Biological mom (my wife) supports kids playing on baseball team, regardless of who coaches the team.

Biological dad refuses to allow his kids (my step kids) to play on team that I coach - he gave no reasons, other than he thinks that neither the biological father (himself) or stepfather (me) should have any participation in coaching sports teams for the kids.

Its extremely frustrating as biological dad believes that I should have no input in raising the kids in many areas - in his view, I am an extraneous person; he even refuses to talk to me about anything involving kids (he will only talk to biological mom). He sends nasty and hurtful emails to me about what a horrible human being I am (that read like the ravings of a madman, to be honest). It seems that biological dad is willing to put his distaste for me ahead of his children's desire to play on the team.

How would y'all handle a situation like this? Do others think it is better to ignore kids desires and give in to dad's demands, or is it better to ignore dad's unreasonable position and allow kids to play on team.

Also, if anyone knows of any support groups for step-dads in Dallas, Texas, with in-person meetings, i would be grateful for any info. I'm at my wits end with biological dad's aggressive posture of distaste towards me, and would like to find folks other than my wife to talk to about the situation.

Thanks for any input/ideas,

Allmychildren's picture

Hi Red,
I am new to the forum too so welcome!! I have played and coached alot of children's sports AND I grew up in a house with a non-involved stepmother. She cooked, she cleaned, she worked for my dad but, the only input she gave seemed to always be negative. So naturally, I admire step-parents who are involved (or at least try to be involved) in aspects of their step-children's lives on this level. I think that you should still coach them. If their bio-dad wants to coach them then fine but, if he does not then why should the children suffer? He should be aware that his daughter is shy and sports could be the JUST the thing that helps to bring her out of her shell a bit. As far as him harassing you on the email- SAVE EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM IN A SPECIAL FILE just in case he really looses it one day and does something extra. Please don't give up hope and don't give up trying! Good Luck!
~All my children Wink

Red_12's picture

@ purplecrocuses: how do you do with the ex that treats your husband like a's so frustrating and immature, and I don't get it. I bend over backwards to be nice to him, and not to step on his parental rights, and he attacks me for no reason. I've got real thick skin and try real hard to let it go, but it wears me down, ya know?

simifan's picture

I deal with the crazy ex by refusing to engage. I didn't sleep with her, so I shouldn't have to deal with her. I blocked her from mine & SD's cell phones (she kept making SD give me the phone). I refuse to answer the land line if she calls - let her yell at voice mail. I have closed email accounts she's gotten a hold of, etc. If she does manage to get me on the phone i simply say - Speak to DH, please.

When she acted like a lunatic when I went for pick up - we changed the meeting place to a public area.

You are never going to win - so the only winning move is not to play.