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Taking grandson who hates me on vacation

Bethany's picture

DH knows that his daughter, the mother of our 15 year old grandson, has told him I am evil and a terrible person. Dh's ex-wife has indoctrinated this child to hate me. I have disengaged from that part of the family. I get only 2 weeks a year vacation. DH suggested we take the grandson this year. I was clear in saying NO.  Thid kid records me, tallies how many glasses of wine I have on vacation and proceeds to tell his mother and his grandmother I am a drunk. I used to take him by myself on trips and NEVER drank. But, his grandmother has a thing about alcohol, so he tells everyone I am just a drunk. I only get 2 weeks a year and do not feel I should take this kid. He has made it clear that I am the worst person he's ever met. I deserve a stress-free 2 weeks! I am a very loving, forgiving person, but the insults, the conflict and the mean-spirited behavior of this stepfamily is something I disengaed from and no loinger want in my life. I gve it my all. Thoughts? 

notasm3's picture

Good lord. I wouldn’t take a worthless little ahole on my vacation even if I had 3 months of vacation time. 

ybarra357's picture

There would be no way, IN HELL I would go on any vacation with a GK like this.  My vacation time is too precious to me to go through the BS.

hereiam's picture

There is absolutely NO WAY that I would spend vacation time with this kid. Nope.

What is your husband thinking?

tog redux's picture

What is wrong with your DH? Is he in denial and hoping it will all work out fine?  Tell him to go off on his own with GS and you find a girlfriend to go with. I'd be angry that he even asked me such a thing.

Bethany's picture

..that DH would even THINK to ask me this! 

Curious Georgetta's picture

over a year, it may be that he has   conflicting feelings and understanding regarding substance use of a kind.

He may find it uncomfortable to be around when any potentially addictive substance is ingested in any form 

In fairness to both you and the kid it is probably not a good idea for you to vacation together.

!maybe his grandfather can take him on a mini vacation or a fun staycation

 

tog redux's picture

" I used to take him by myself on trips and NEVER drank."

Do you read the posts, or just find a way to make every kid look innocent and every SM look bad?

Aniki's picture

Let DH take him on vacation. YOU plan a separate vacation with a friend or go solo. I have a friend who vacations alone two times a year.

still learning's picture

I have female relatives who do this.  My sister goes off on girl trips a few times a year while leaving hubby home and my cousin has a group of best friends she regularly takes trips with.  I agree, go without the brat and the old codger.  Let them have a great time together while you have a great 2 weeks doing whatever you want to.  I love my DH but I also love my time away from him.  If he ever suggested we take gskids or skids on vacation for 2 weeks I'd graciously bow out.  I could handle a weekend...maaaybe, but two weeks of my life with people who would rather I not exist, NOPE.  

Bethany's picture

Although I was clear in sayinfg no, this family has been abusive over and over and over. And, DH finally agreed that his ex and children hate me. I'm a good peerson and don't hurt anyone. However, they'll stil try to get me to do this. I have disegaged from all of them. Was it difficult? Yes, but this is my life and I don't deserve their horrible anger and anctis,As far as a vacation alone? NO. I have a son and my sister and her husband are coming with us.I have offered to pay for a short vacation if DH wants to bring grandson.The fact is, the grandson's own mother and HER mother have banned me from the grandon's life. They obviously wanrt it both ways. 

notsobad's picture

Why would you offer to pay for even a short vacation?????
These people have shown you what they think of you, your husband agrees that everyone hates you, Why offer anything???

They will continue to treat you badly and use you when it suits them but only if you allow them to. STOP allowing them to use you.

Harry's picture

His Family hates you, you can not change that.  If does not mean you are a bad person. It means they are hateful people.  As part of disengagement I would get pleasure out of saying NO to GS going on vacation. Actually I would go to Disney World and send post cards. ( does anyone do that ) wish you were here. Or drink around the world. None of there business if you like to drink 

amyburemt's picture

outcome of parental alienation syndrome. the kids take it on. Then they manifest it in their own children. There are many groups of people who are working on getting the psychology community to realize this should be recognized as a form of child abuse. Sometimes when the kids hit their twenties, they start to realize what has happened, but this is a low percentage of people. They go on to have really messed up adult relationships. Dr. craig childress is a huge voice in this fight. you can find videos by him on youtube explaining how it all works. My dh had a nightmare ex and if we had realized sooner what this was we probably would of fought back. I think you deserve a peaceful fun vacation NOT with someone who will record your every move. 

Siemprematahari's picture

Do not allow anyone, not even your H convince you to spend your 2 weeks with his 15 year old grandkid that hates you. He wants to vacation with him, he can do so on his own time but to burden you with that after all the toxic insults and BS.....NO! Your H shouldn't be ok expecting you to bend and do otherwise.

Don't go against your gut and continue to disengage.

Wishing you a wonderful 2 weeks vacation without the grandkid.

Rags's picture

If he thinks that you are a horrible person, show him what that really means.

And NO! He does not get to go on vacation with you.  DH needs his head extracted from his ass on this one. He can take this toxic GSkid on a trip that has nothing to do with your vacation if he feels the need to cater to this toxic grand progeny.

Bethany's picture

...so DH can take grandson by himself. You are all correct, the ex engaged in Parental Alienation Syndrome. She taught her kids and now, my grandson, to hate me. I offered an entire week at my Cape house with the older daughter and her entire family. We had just purchased the house and I decorated it. She came, walked in and never said a word to me. Basically, acted like I did not exist for the entire week. Then, she sent a beutiful thank you letter, one from her and one from each kid addressed to my husband which said: Thank you Grandpa for inviting us to YOUR Cape home. Never mentioend me. That was the LAST time I invited her. This is typical of how they have always treated me. 

Siemprematahari's picture

With that type of behavior I would NEVER allow her to step foot in a house I helped purchase again.

bedazzled's picture

There is no way I would ever go on vacation with Skids who treated me like that. You should still go with the people who were going with you. Tell DH that he and Sgrand should go somewhere else together. If they have banned you from their lives, they should not want to go with you anyway. I also am banned as you are. Do the same to them Ban them from your life. If H wants to still go with you it should only be without Gkid. They cannot have it both ways.  Why would you pay for a trip for DH to grandkid by himself?  They have banned you that should mean they banned your money also

 

Bethany's picture

I have decided NOT to pay their way, If DH wants to take him, he pays! I'm done being abused.And, none of them are coming on my ONLY vacation of the entire YEAR! I have literally given up my life for these ungrateful kids, didn;t even have a wedding so they were not traumatized! I'm done. 

 

Winterglow's picture

Good for you! Now stick to your guns!

I am truly sorry to hear you gave up your wedding for them. Why not plan a vow renewal with your dh so that you can have the wedding you never got?

Phoebe333's picture

My dh proposed a trip to Alaska with his kids and grandkids. It would be a two week trip. No, sorry, not interested. He wouldn't go for 7 days to see my family at a beach house. Soooo, no.