Grandson taught to hate me
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long story short. SD lived off us for years. We paid for everything.Grandson now 16 and we found messages between DH’s ex and step grandson where she tells him I am a bad person and evil. The ex and my SD , his mother, have banned me from his life. We saw a message where he told DH’s ex, his other grandmother, that the ban should be lifted for Christmas or “she won’t buy me what I want”. Oh, he also wants it lifted around his birthday so “she’ll give me money like she always does”. I was just crushed. But, I have disengaged and this is a perfect example of why I disengaged. Thoughts?
Disengage but bury this kid
Disengage but bury this kid in the facts of how he is being manipulated by his BM and other GPs. Kids need the facts. So that they can know who really has their back and so that they can learn to protect themselves from the toxic manipulators in their lives.
We seasoned SS-26 with the facts in an age appropriate manner as he was growing up. First we just told him the truth when the SpermClan would manipulate. Then we introduced him to a review of the CO. Then as the toxic manipulations of the SpermClan evolved we introduced SS to the extended county supplemental rules, state regs, SpermIdiot's arrest, marriage and divorce records (he repeatedly told SS he was never married when in fact he had married his 16yo GF two weeks before we went to court to counter his custody run at SS so that we couldn't nail his ass for repeat statutory rape), we introduced SS to PI reports when we had the SpermIdiot investigated in preparation for our run at a CS motion.
As he aged we would occasionally find SS in our Custody/Visitation/Support file cabinets reviewing phone logs, journals, listening to court recordings, etc,... investigating SpermClan bullshit that didn't pass SS's smell test.
Do the kid a favor. Do yourself a favor... season him with the facts. Confront BM's toxic bullshit.
He is sad
But, they don’t care. The ex is a very disturbed woman as is her daughter . Both are toxic people and don’t care that they’re abusing this grandson. Very selfish and cruel women.
Remove all traces of all of
Remove all traces of all of these aholes. Ghost them permanently. Do not allow them in your home or life.
Alienation goes down the
Alienation goes down the generations. BM to SD to grandson. There isn't much you can do except contact GS and let him know you care about him and hope he will think for himself when it comes to having a relationship with you, but don't expect it to happen. He's getting the 1-2 punch from his mother and grandmother and he'd have to be one independent 16-year-old to stand up to that. Then send a card with no money for birthday and Christmas if he won't speak to you or is rude to you.
To me, this is why staying in a relationship with a man who will allow his kids to mistreat you is a mistake - or at the very least, stay very distant and don't attached to anyone.
As a Grandmother myself IF my
As a Grandmother myself IF my Grandchildren thought that of me pfffft, so be it.
Dr. Phil once said
You can call me a som-of a bitch all you want but your gonna do it AT/FROM a distance.
In otherwords---GET LOST and do not bother coming back.
YES it is that easy.
It hurts so much to be used
It hurts so much to be used and abused. I know, because my stepgskids and their mother used us, too. I gave and gave before finally facing the reality that I wasn't even a person to them, just a wallet. I loved them, and they were coached to exploit that.
As tog says, the ex dripped venom into SD's ear while she was growing up. The ex also passed on her defective genes and enabled SD's narcissism. By the time the venom reaches the gskids, it's been distilled into a highly potent form that includes entitlement and manipulation. You are NOT family to them. You are merely an asset, a resource to be mined.
Your SO bred with crazy and you're witnessing the effect that has on each generation in real time. You can't fix it, control it, change it, or impact it. You either become collateral damage, or you save yourself by erecting a big, thick imaginary brick wall between yourself and these toxic, damaged, delusional people.
What an awful mother and
What an awful mother and grandma to try to instill hate into their grandson. I feel really sorry for the kid who is being used as a pawn. I'm sorry you're going through this, that must be heartbreaking for you and DH.
i think in these situations
I think in these situations we must remember that this isn't about us. I don't have any stepgrandchildren yet, but I do have grandchildren that are stepgranchildren to my husband. My husband knows how important the grandkids are to me and he fosters my relationship with them for ME. I know when the time comes and his daughters have children, I will do the same for him. The same is true with his kids. I support him, but I don't parent for him..
If your stepgrandchild just wants a relationship with you because of what you can give, don't give anything. Let his grandfather take control of the relationship. If grandpa wants to give the kid something for christmas or for his birthday, let grandpa write the check or get the gift. That isn't your responsibility. Your responsibility is to support your husband. That is all....