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Uncomfortable in my own home

Gh4975's picture

I really don't know what to do.  I avoid my SS the best that I can & it's not easy in an apartment!  He's almost 13,but acts much younger as far as he has to be told to do everything!  I can't stand it & my husband is no help!  He seems to be in denial of his son's actions.  I don't even believe he worries about his future & how lazy & irresponsible he is.  He didn't do well in virtual school mainly because he was on YouTube all day & as it turns out looking at porn!  I got into his search history.  I guess it's normal for his age,but on the school's computer!  Anyway I could go on but the main point is my husband isn't supportive on these things & I can't always be the mean stepmother, but I'm worried about what kindof adult SS will be.  How can I help him see it?

Tketten's picture

My ss twins were doing the same thing over 100 hits of porn each a day before I busted them about a month in. They refuse to do anything, they are 15 yet everyday have to be told the same thing over and over and they either say we didn't know or if something happens they didn't do it yet the only ones home.  My SD was worse thank gosh she moved out.  Cops were at the house daily,  she would threaten me,  pretend to commit suicide then blame me,  would say I abused her when I never touched her.  I said I am safer at work than at home and I work in a prison. I even started recording every night and keeping a journal.  I'm where you are girl I get it your are not alone

SeeYouNever's picture

Raising kids into independent adults and good citizens is a lot of hard work. I don't understand the fathers that just sit back and assume that their kids will raise themselves and turn out just fine without them doing anything. Do they think that their jeans are just so amazing that all they have to do is wait for the program to load and their kid will be just as successful as them?

Winterglow's picture

They do that because that's what they saw their fathers doing and they turned out ok, didn't they? They have no idea of how much their mothers did because they choose to ignore "women's work", considering it to be of no importance. 

Disengageme's picture

This is my situation exactly. We live in a tiny house and when he's here there's no privacy. He busts in the bedroom anytime he wants. He never picks up after himself and hogs every bag of chips we have until he's ate them all after scoping them out as soon as he walks in. He downloads games and uses our data up. He can't eat what we fix and only eats chips, pizza, and peanut butter on toast. He snuck in the babies room the other day and eat chips In the bed. He breaks everything. Drinks out of a cup made for toddlers that he's had since he was one. Comes here nasty and smells of must, dogs, and laziness. He throws his dirty clothes on the bed or the floor. All my efforts to have dh be a parent to him have failed. He says I hate his son. I do resent him because nothing ever changes and he's allowed to dirty up my house, use all of my data, eat all of my snack food and then go back home. He doesn't go hungry at home. Dh has put his foot down about the hygiene issue and he still comes here disgusting but he makes him shower every time now. He also along with me told him he couldn't keep showing up unannounced. That worked until this past weekend. I think we will have to get custody of him sometime in the near future. That will be the death of my marriage. I won't live in a home that is run by an 11 year old. He plays the pity party and dh falls for it 100% of the time. He never does wrong. I am so sorry you're going through this because your story is identical to mine. I know how you feel. Your the evil step mother when all you want is some structure and privacy in your own home.