Over this Life
I'm new to all of this, but have to find a place to get all of this off my chest & with other people who know what I'm going through.
My husband had a 3 year old when we got married. He's now 15. BM has made our lives hell since we got together. From more or less saying we are "bad parents" to wanting so much cs we will barely survive.
tonight my husband informed me that I was a "bad parent" bc I'm too hard on my SS but I'm not as hard on our own children (which isn't true). I used to want to do things with my SS, but now his attitude is horrible & the fact that I'm the only parent that seems to give a crap on how he acts, I've disengaged with every event dealing with my SS. Husband is more or less gone all the time so I get to deal with him on my one more than I care for.Plus, everything we seem to do, he's already done with BM so I don't even try anymore. My own girls are not having an experienced childhood. SS informed me a few months ago that I've made his life a living hell because I have rules & expectations that he's not used to.
Im at the stage of locking myself in my room when SS is here and letting my husband take care of all of the kids!
is this wrong of me or am I just over reacting? HELP!
Your husband is overreacting,
Your husband is overreacting, perhaps deflecting his own insecurities and failings on you. Maybe he isn't very found of his own son. Don't stop doing things for your little ones, take them out enjoy yourself. Don't take the bait when your hubby wants to fight.
If your hubby isn't home skid should stay and hangout with mommy dearest since she is the bestest EVER.
I've tried
Ive tried bringing it up to the hubs that if he's not going to be here SS needs to stay. I'm not putting up with him, but he doesn't believe thats the case because he still needs to have a relationship with our kids. SS really doesn't have a relationship with them anyway. SS more or less just irritates the crap out of them, which irritates me.
Tuff. He can build a
Tuff. He can build a relationship with your kids when your husband is there. It's hour husband's responsibility to encourage a relationship between his kids, not yours. No hubby, no skid, end of story.
Welcome to the site!
You are not a bad parent. You have been forced into a very difficult situation and BM has PAS'd you. I had the same situation, and disengaged very early on, about a year after I moved in with DH, in fact, and we've now been together 17 yrs. I didn't lock myself in the bedroom every other weekend, when they came (thankfully that ended in 2013) but I had very little conversation with them and never joined in on outings etc.
You will find lots of support here.
So ss chucked a hissy fit because you have rules and
Basic expectations which he isn’t used to... so when he goes to school, are there no rules or basic expectations like do your homework and respect your teacher and classmates?? He needs a reality check because the real world is full of rules
I would say that far from
I would say that far from over reacting, you are not reacting enough. DH is an idiot who does not understand that what applies for a 15yo will be different for younger children... and vise versa.
As for the whinney 15yo feeling that you ruined his life with rules, F him. He can suck it up and follow the damned rules or.... as so many entitled, coddled, PASd Skid teens seem to do, he can stay the hell away.
Don't wilt. Be present, firm and confident. Give DH and his toxic prior relationship failed breeding experiment clarity that you will not be controlled or manipulatec by either of them and for damned sure by DH's XW.
Have fun with it all. Being confident and living well while the players in the shit show go down in flames is a great revenge.