Need some ideas for my out of control teens
My biokids got some bad news last October. Their dad is sick. It's not terminal but it's a lifelong illness and it's been life altering for him and them. He has to be on medication that makes him sick and it's been really bad. Really hard and they are devastated and scared he's going to die. I started seeing a change in their behavior but went pretty easy on them considering and figured they were just angry and we would get past it with therapist. Well things have got worse not better. They are brutal to each other. Screaming, calling each other names, cursing. They have no respect for house rules. I told them no more eating upstairs because they just don't clean it. They bring food up and do it anyway. They are disrespectful to me big time. My husband tells them to cut the crap, their dad tells them to cut the crap. They have lost all privileges to just about everything. Their phones, friends ect... but their behavior is out.of.control! I have always been a very involved mom, always talk to them, there for them but they say the most hurtful things to me. Then they will feel bad and cry and say sorry (thank god they show remorse or I would be really scared!) I'm so shocked that they are acting out like this and I am at a complete loss. Nothing I have done has helped. Any advice??? Please be gentle.....this has been a very rough time and maybe I'm not doing the right thing. I don't know. I'm open to hearing all suggestions though.
I'm sorry you are going
I'm sorry you are going through this. I have found that a consistent schedule/routine is important. Also, I'm not sure of the ages, but for school-age to teens, the electronics are the carrot i dangle in front of them.
I have found that giving them the option to earn or lose privileges on a daily basis seems to work. If the punishment goes on too long, or it requires too long to earn something, they may just give up and lose the motivation. Having each day be a fresh start, for most things, seems to be the best timeframe since kids these days have short attention spans. Also, i try to nip any disrespect in the bud. If i don't like a tone of voice or something that's said, i react immediately. Also praising good behavior immediately seems to help. Hope this helps somewhat.
How about therapy for them,
How about therapy for them, since you tie this behavioral change to their father's illness?
They are in therapy.
They are in therapy.
In addition to the therapy I
In addition to the therapy I would put more structure in. Try to establish routine and schedule for them. Some times when kids have issues that they can't control. Like an illness. It helps by making thier environment more controlled and predictable. The expectations are set ahead of time so they know what to expect.
Lock them down. Put locks on
Lock them down. Put locks on their bedroom doors and lock their door as soon as they get up in the AM. Leave them locked until bed time.
No food upstairs means no food upstairs.
Tolerate none of their toxic and vitriolic crap towards each other and no disrespect for you or your home.
Explain that they can either pull their heads out or they will live a life of abject misery.
Stay the course until they either figure it out or ..... launch.
Good luck.