Need help
This is so complicated. I had brain surgery 6 years ago. I have had a lot of issues since then. I had to stop working. During the time I did keep working I was a jacka$$ to everyone. I was in constant pain and took it out on people. Since a long hospital stay last year I was switched to epilepsy meds and nerve blockers. I just found a note my DD wrote during the worst of it and can't stop crying. I hurt her ferlings and wish I didn't. How can I help her understand? She knows the medical part. A piece of my braon was actually removed but she doesn't understand the emotional part and I feel like an idiot.
I am planning on taking some classes next month to help me understand and maybe I will come to terms with the me I am but dang it I never ever want to hurt her feelings
How do I fix the damage? Time? Uggggggg
Show her the post you just
Show her the post you just submitted. ^That one right there.
Tell her that yo are sorry, communicate, communicate, communicate. I appologize to my bride intensly when I screw up. By no means is is even remotely comperable to your medical strugles but I too have perpectrated medically motivated brain farts that hurt my bride. Never physically but certainly emotionally. And I regret it.
I am a T-1 diabetic. One of the side effects of uncontrolled Blood Glucose levels is massive BG swings. Associated with those massive BG swings can be massive mood swings. During a couple of the early years of our marriage I failed to control my diabetes and I was often a raging asshole. Just thinking about the me then breaks my heart for my wife. When I realized what I was doing I but my own foot up my ass to control my disease and I begged forgiveness. I demostrate my commitment to never being that guy again to her every day. By managing my disease to the best of my ability.
The good news in your post is that this woman stuck with you through those challenging times. She loves you. You obviously love her. So, learn everything you can about the emotional impact of your condition, reconcile that to your historical behavior, and appologize repeatedly. Prove her regret with action, and make sure you let her know what she means to you.
It has worked for me.
Good luck.
Sorry. I misread the DD in
Sorry. I misread the DD in your post as DW.
How old is your
How old is your daughter now? How old was she when she wrote the note? It is very possible that she now has a much better grasp on both the effects of your surgery and also what it is like to make mistakes and need forgiveness than she did when the note was written. If not, she made need to be educated either by you or the people who love you. There are many physical issues that cause personality changes. That is not saying that hurting people is OK but it does mean that there is an explanation for it. Before you beat yourself up too badly, please check in with your daughter and see where she is now with everything. Massive guilt is not going to help anything but honest communication will.
She is 14. She was 12 when
She is 14. She was 12 when she wrote it. I think it would upset her ig I bring it up.
Thank you for the kind responses
You don't have to
You don't have to bring up the note or even let on that you found it to dscuss the issue. You can bring it up saying that you had recently read an article about your type of surgery or met someone who had had the same thing. But starting a dialogue is healthy and allow your daughter to say anything to you that she may need to get out or get answers to questions she may have but had felt awkward asking. Sweeping an issue like this under the rug is never good. You may have a couple of painful conversations but that is infinitely better than pretending nothing happened and having this unaddressed wound in your relationship for years to come.