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Am I in the wrong for feeling this way?

MsMomma's picture

Submitted by MsMomma on Wed, 01/27/2016 - 10:52am

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Step Kids with Disabilities

My soon to be SS has a severe form of epilepsy. This means many appointments out of our town, several hours away. Both DH and BM go to these appointments, and always have. My problem does not lie with my DH going to the appointments, its that he rides in the same vehicle with his ex and the child. They also stay in the same hotel room, separate beds of course. They go out to eat together and I feel very much like they treat it as if they are still a family unit. MY soon to be DH doesn't feel it is a problem, and in fact takes issue with the fact that it bothers me. BM always uses the opportunity to talk about what went wrong in their marriage, which bothers me immensely! I am sensitive to the needs of the child, but feel it is unnecessary to have DH and BM together like that. Money is an issue, so I somewhat understand. Am I in the wrong? Please help!

princessmofo's picture

Submitted by princessmofo on Wed, 01/27/2016 - 11:03am

Run. NOW! He's already "married" to BM. You just got a glimpse of life with him will be like after marriage. Consider yourself lucky you got to see this side of him before you were duped into marriage.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 01/27/2016 - 11:12am

You are absolutely not wrong.

You would, however, be wrong to marry him knowing what you know.

The fact that your future husband thinks nothing of it, and nothing of your feelings about it, is a huge red flag and would be a deal breaker for me.

The fact that BM wants to talk about what went wrong with the marriage says that she has not moved on and is not ready to move on. You do know how some of those kind of talks end up, right?

This will be your future, the son will be the excuse, and you will always be the bad guy for not wanting it to go on.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 01/27/2016 - 1:47pm

Unless you're okay with bigamy, RUN! Sounds like he is still mentally married to BM.

Why do both your future DH AND the BM have to go? Why not alternate? This would certainly save $$ and the doctor(s) can continue to share all information with them. PrincASS16 had some medical issues when he was younger that required numerous visits. Either DH took him or BioHo took him. Then again, my DH wouldn't sit in the only fireproof room in the world with BioHo if the universe was on fire.