My Kids are Bitter About SD lies and maniputlation
I have 2 chidlren ages 15(boy and 18 girl) and a SD15. Because of the lies and manipulation and the allegations SD has brought against all 3 of us my children have now become bitter and Hate SD. We do not live in the same home as SD and SO. We have now decided to keep the children separate from each other and to tell SD to not speak to any of us 3. The sad part is, the more we tell her to stop because we do not want to interact (disengage), the more she goes out of her way to put herself in our face and force us to look at her. Things such as going out of her way at school to find my kids in the hallways between classes, standing in our paths so that we have to ask her to move or literally bump into her or sitting outside the home watching outside my home watching my front door and parking space. How do you get peace when SD acts this way? Disengaging is not working because the more we do disengage the more she goes out of her way to physically force us to notice her. My children and I have come to the conclusion that she is not going to change and is mentally unable to function in social situations. SD is so socially mean and purposely disruptive that I have been told by almost every one of my friends that she is no longer welcome at any social event we are invited to, SO is welcome. So does know about this and understands but is failing at changing her behavior because BM is telling her th exact oppoaite of her dad just to disagree with my SO. Right now 3 years cannot beover soon enough to just have her removed from the home. She is constantly liying to her dad but then puposely tries to run me out of her fathers life, including telling me that I am no longer allowed to enter her fathers home (SO and I do still go into his home together as we are a team). How do you keep sane while all this is going on?
I know she will keep going
I know she will keep going with her attitude but SO is determined to not live with her once she is old enough to be an adult. He is fed up too. And my kids will be moving on to college and the military.
How bizarre. Can you get any
How bizarre. Can you get any kind of restraining order against her for you and your kids? It's very weird that she stares at your door and parking spot. Do you live right next door?
We live a block and a half
We live a block and a half away from her and her dad. And yes I think she needs to be in a group home for the mentally disabled. Her father is in denial about that. He does take her to counseling but BM is defeating that purpose sucessfully right now. No wonder this girl has no friends and has aleinated herself from 2 different high school. I don't listen to her whining about it and claiming it's not her fault anymore. Her personality is just plain mean and ugly.
There is something seriously
There is something seriously wrong with this girl.
What does your SO plan to do with her when she is 18? Although she will legally be an adult and he will not be legally responsible for her, she obviously is not going to be able to function as an adult.
I just don't see this being over in 3 years, just because she turns 18. You need to find out what your SO's plan is. Having her romoved from the home is not much of a long term plan. What does that even mean? Will he actually kick her out? Will he make her go back to BM's? If BM won't let her stay with her, then what?
Has this girl ever been evaluated?
SO plans to send her back to
SO plans to send her back to her BM if she does not get herself together. We are currently in the process of having her evaluated. Removing her from the home is so that he does not have her up his butt all the time and even with drama over the phone makes him able to distance himself from it
Maybe he should send her back
Maybe he should send her back to BM's now.
^^^ This. How often does he
^^^ This. How often does he have her now?
She lives with him full-time
She lives with him full-time and sees her BM maybe once a month because BM will not make the arrangements to get her and expects me to drive her over for visits.. No way no how and I taxing that brat anywhere
I'd drive her over. And
I'd drive her over. And refuse to pick her up again.
Why can't DH drive her over there?
He has a medical condition
He has a medical condition that bars him from driving
Removing her from the home is
Removing her from the home is so that he does not have her up his butt
Right, but if she has nowhere to go? If BM won't take her? What, then? He just puts her out on the street and washes his hands of her? There is something wrong with her.
Both of her parents are doing her a huge disservice by being in denial and not getting her the help that she needs. How is she supposed to function in the world?
I don't expect YOU and your kids to put up with her behavior, or do anything about it, but her parents surely should be doing something.
This kid needs mental help
Also this kid will not be able to live on her own at 18. She may be with your SO for a long time.
group homes don't need additional people, So it's not easy to get in
I know this is going to be a
I know this is going to be a challenge. But BM wants her back living with her because of the increased welfare benefits they get with SD in the house. BM also wants SD to get a job to support her mother. The lazy BM only wants SD's money, even asking for hundreds od dollars at a time from SD. BM expects SD to get the money from my SO. Nope not going to happen.
So again, why not send her to
So again, why not send her to live there now? Obviously your SO doesn't really want her living with him.
I feel sort of sad for this kid, no one wants her and no one does any to help her (not you - it's not your job. Your SO and BM are both failing her).
Well, there's your out. Send
Well, there's your out. Send her on her merry way. Your kids will appreciate that.
What is your SO doing for his
What is your SO doing for his SD now? Is he actively parenting her, trying to improve her behavior, trying to get her help for her mental illness, or is he counting the days until she's 18 and launches (wishful thinking on his part). If the latter, he should let her go to BM now and just pay whatever child support he has to. If BM wants her (for whatever reason) and she's making your SO and everyone in his life miserable, just let her go.
If he isn't doing anything to
If he isn't doing anything to help her and doesn't like it when she is there....why does he have custody? So he doesn't have to pay CS?
My SO is trying but it's
My SO is trying but it's constant with the BM. My SO groundeed my SD from her phone and took it for a month. BM gets her another phone and tells SD her dad is doing the wrong thing. She cannot go back to BM till she finishes high school for her own safety. Unfortunately she has caused so much trouble she cannot return to the high school her mother lives in or get beaten till hospitalized and has some kids there trying to kill her, she had a girl attach her with a knife on the way to school. My SO tells both her SD and BM if thats what SD wants she is free to go but do not ask for any help with her trouble she caused herself.
Sounds like this man bred
Sounds like this man bred with a crazy bottom feeder and they have a crazy daughter. That sort of thing never really goes away. His daughter will be part of his life one way or another forever. Are you sure the juice is worth the squeeze with this guy?
As long as she is not in my
As long as she is not in my home I can ignore her. My children ignore her. Her father is trying and is taking her to counseling and has gotten her meds. The problem is BM tell SD not to take the meds and SD listens (Just like BM told SD if she used tampons she woulld die of cancer). She also tells SD that nothing is wromg with her that I and my kids are evil. My SO wanted his daughter there so bad and was estatic about getting her there until all the drama started. BM is mad that my SO will not pay her child support while SD lives with him. She has even threatened to file in court for child support when the SD lives with him. I cannot even understand how a person can be as stupid as BM is.
They and you should be
They and you should be calling SD on her bullshit in real time constantly when she pulls it.
Particularly in public.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
I do and that is why SD hates
I do and that is why SD hates me. Then goes crying to her dad about how much I yell at her and i'm so mean and she does nothign to cause me to act that way. We talked and agreed the only solution we have right now is to tell SD not to even so much as speak to me and my kids. Just like last night, we watched a rented movie together as a family. SD couldn't handle not being the center of attention so she locked herself in her room and kept peeking out trying to get attention. It didn't work so she pouts and getts all snippy with everyone. Pathetic, and even worse he doesn't even realize what she's doing.
It appears to me that you and
It appears to me that you and DH are building an effective model for dealing with toxic SD.
Keep it up. As for her not realizing she is doing what she is doing... I call BS on that. More likely than not she understands exactly what she is doing. I do not allow what ifs to interfere in effective application of consequences for unacceptable behavior. Why she is doing what she is doing does not really matter IMHO. That she does it is what matters and those behaviors should be consistently confronted.
Next time she gets snippy over not getting her way.... send her to an isolated location and leaver her there until the activity she is interfering in is over.
Lather, rinse, repeat. She will either catch a clue and modify her behavior or learn to enjoy her alone time. Either way she should not be tolerated to interfere in or adversely impact everyone else's happiness and experiences in the family.
All IMHO of course.
Oh, SD15 definstely knows
Oh, SD15 definstely knows exactly what she is doing despite claims of not knowing or not being able to help itt. It's SO that seems clueless. The problem is that not only does SD pout and get mean when Sd does not get her own way, she also calls everyone and anyone she can get to listen to her crying how we are neglecting her (she never teels anyone what she does to cause her exclusion, which is normally her refusal to participate). Then we have to put up with friends calling to let us know the BM is harrassing her and they eventually block her and BM calling us and trowing a fit (until we blocked her) and BM is threatening to call C&YS and the police. I personally say let her call, they will agree with him not her. BM is doing the exact opposite of SO for the sole reason to not agree with him and telling SD how SO and I are so cruel and mean for actually expecting her to take responsibility for her own actions. Personally I do not believe SD will ever change, so it is waiting game till she graduates from high school and packs her off to BM or launches.
Take away the phone as soon
Take away the phone as soon as she walks in the door. Give it back to her when she is heading out the door to return to BM.
Record her self seclusion, pouting and mean shit. Make her live under a huge hairy eyeball and any time she spews her bullshit to others offer to show them the recordings of her not participating, pouting and being mean.
If she changes then great. If not... she is out in less than 3 years and you can throw a good riddance party.