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Should I help or not?

Gracefulsilver's picture
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Ok so I have the SD15 from hell(like many others on here do).  I decided to disengage from her and have been very successful in that aspect, especially since my SO and I do not live together.  Last night he asked me to help him get a monthly phone card for SD.  I don't know if this is helping him or her.  He said that she is so sneaky and devious he wants her phone active so he can get a hold of her.  I already explained that I will not do anything for her unless I am doing the same for everyone and she just happens to be there.  I even won't allow that witch in my car unless her father is with us because of all the false allegation she has made against myself and my 2 kids.  I just don't know if this is helping her or him.  I really do not want to do it because the phone is just another means of calling BM and crying about how she is treated.  SHe claims my SO has been beating her, I've been verbally abusing her, my DD has physically assaulted her, and my DS bullies her at school.  All of these claims are lies and have been proven lies.  I don't know if I should or shouldn't help.

Kes's picture

Oh no, don't help.  What makes your DH, presumably a reasonably capable adult, not able to buy a phone?  

Gracefulsilver's picture

I know he can do this himself.  He is only asking me because I can do it only through my account easier than he can do it by getting on a bus and going to the store.  I really think he is just being lazy about it all and I really do not want to do it.  I guess I'm just annoyed that he continues to ask me to do for her when we agreed that I should not do anything for her again.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Your EX would have to get on a bus and go to the store? Oh, the HORROR. Tell him to put on his big boy pants and buy it himself. SMDH

ESMOD's picture

1.  I thought you broke up.

2.  He doesn't have an account or way to do this?  why have any  financial link to him or the daughter you hate.

3.  I am finally curious as to what her toxic behavior has been.. is she a brat.. was she perhaps nose out of joint when dad found someone new?  

You need to cut ties.. you aren't helping him by maintaining this relationship.

 

Gracefulsilver's picture

WE are talking but not together.  The acronyms are just easier to use to identify everyone.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He needs to stop asking his EX for favors. Period. Cut your ties with this guy already. 

Letti.R's picture

Don't help.
Say no.

Stepping in, with this small thing, sees the erosion of your disengagement boundary.
Dont do it.

tog redux's picture

I'm confused - isn't this something he can likely order off the Internet and have it delivered to his home? And he doesn't have a car?

Siemprematahari's picture

He's a grown @ss man more than capable of purchasing this phone. This is just another way for him to keep some sort of ties/ contact with you. He can take his butt on the bus and make the purchase. The fact that he even took the time to bother you with this nonsense says a lot. Do not enable him and allow him to own his role as this disrespectful childs father.....he gets the luxury of doing it ALL.

 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Either he doesn't believe that you've disengaged, or he's trying to suck you back in.

Why oh why do you keep wasting energy on this guy?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Here's an updated acronym list for you:

EX bf/so/h/w = EX boyfriend/significant other/husband/wife

I can only think that the reason you cling to any kind of relationship - even under the guise of friendship - with this guy is because you have low self-esteem. Cut ties with him once and for all and get some counseling.

Gracefulsilver's picture

I didn't give in.  He got himself to the store and got it for her.  I guess he finally realized from my reaction I meant it.  My reaction was "why can't she go without it till you get to the store?"  No he does not have a car and he cannot order on the internet because his bank card is not a debit/credit because he only has a savings account, no checking.  I know it's odd but not my finances, not my concern.

Harry's picture

Who today can not order on line ? Except your BF ?   Yes disengagement means you do not buy SD a phone card. Like you don't buy the kid two blocks away a phone card. He is the father he goes on the bus