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His son is ruining my mood

lf0823's picture

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I really hope I won’t get judged for this! I haven’t talked to anyone else about this, because I feel like it makes me a bad person: I’ve been with my boyfriend for about a year and I love him so much! I really want to spend the rest of my life with him! I just recently moved in to his apartment and everything’s been going pretty good except for one thing - he has a 4 year old son, who is very loud, not very well behaved and super energetic, and it’s even worse because of his age, because he never does what he is told and screams every time he doesn’t get his way. He needs to be entertained all the time, and I can’t talk to my boyfriend without him interrupting our conversation. I’ve always been a very quiet person, and the constant yelling is draining me so much. He’s not here full time, only every second weekend and sometimes a few days during the week, but my mood is almost always instantly ruined every time I know he’s coming over, because of the chaos and noise. He never just speaks normally, he’s literally always yelling and it’s making my anxiety and stress levels super high, because I’m very sensitive to sound. One day when we were walking at the beach I noticed how all the other kids were calm and talking to their parents in a normal voice, while he was the only one constantly screaming and yelling, he even hit me with a stick! He literally always does the exact opposite of what he is told and then laughs when my boyfriend tries to discipline him. Of course I still play with him and I never get mad or yell at him, we do have lots of good times but unfortunately his behavior is only good like 10% of the time. I just don’t know what to do! I really wanna make it work, I wanna be able to be myself and be happy when he’s here but I have no idea how. I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about it because I’m scared he’ll think that I don’t like his son, which is not the case at all! I have told him how I’m tired of always being interrupted and tired of him never doing what he’s told, and I know he’s trying his best to discipline him but it’s just not working. I really don’t want to break up with my boyfriend. But I also don’t want to be in a bad mood this often. I don’t know what to do ! Are all 4 year olds like this? Am I the problem here? Please help!

lf0823's picture

Not to mention he’s super messy and I always end up tidying for him, he refuses to put toys back into his room. I used to work in a daycare and they were 1-3 years old, and most of them would help putting the toys back where they belong.. so his age shouldn’t be an issue for this 

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I am not sure where you worked that all the young kids were well behaved, but it sounds like an exception. I have 3 kids and all of them were loud/messy at that age. It is normal. Kids at that age are pushing limits. The good news is that with consistent discipline, they do grow out of it. But it sounds like your bf is struggling to provide that consistency. You have to weigh your options.