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Discipline issues

Mandymm's picture

I'm concerned about my boyfriends parenting tactics. He is very positive and praises nearly everything his kids do. In the two years we have dated, neither of them has ever been disciplined in any way, with the exception of one of them having a "time out" in his room, with his DS. It's hard for me because he will do things like buy his child a musical instrument, tell him he plays it perfectly and should be professional, and then take him around and have him play for people. Since he's seven and can't play at all, it's embarrassing.

One of his kids is extremely loud and shouts almost all the time. He also doesn't follow directions, and can't get along with other kids. If he's doing something really out of control my boyfriend will say something, but the general bad behavior is completely overlooked.

I'm really sad because I really want this to work, but I don't want to live with a bratty child who can't follow basic instructions and who is constantly praised for doing nothing. It's just too frustrating and I don't understand it. I love my kids, but lying to them about how amazing they were at things that they couldn't do well and allowing bad behavior were not things I did.

fedup13's picture

I hear you on the unwarranted and excessive praise. My MIL does this all the time with skid. Every little thing he does she just goes over the top and makes a huge deal about it. She claps and squeals and pretty much just acts like an idiot. She is instilling in him a false belief that everyone should fall all over themselves to praise his every move and it is very unhealthy. This kid also has no rules, boundaries, correction, or discipline and is exactly as you described in the being loud, obnoxious, rude, and he cannot get a long with anyone except MIL, BM, and DH because the three of them are his perpetual cheerleaders and pushovers. He is currently kicked out of school because of his behavior. It is sickening the monster these idiots are creating and I have decided they are totally delusional. Lying to children about how amazing they are at things they are not good at, constantly making them think they are so superior and the BEST is setting them up for immense failure in their adult lives. They will not be able to handle the real world at all.

jumanji's picture

I have to agree that too many parents do this. There is a difference between meaningless praise, and praise for the effort with constructive criticism. A kid who gets a new instrument is not going to be great at it straight off. It takes time and effort. Praise the effort (especially if they are practicing like they should), and improvements. Suggest things they could do better.

I will admit, that I have on occasion fibbed a bit. When my daughter's had a bad game - she knows it. She doesn't need me to tell her. But she does need some encouragement. So I find something she did well and praise that. And then (later, when the personal sting has eased) suggest some things she could do to work on what she didn't.

Used to drive me nuts when everyone gets a trophy. Most of the kids really do know that it's bogus. Just makes the parents feel better...

whatcanido's picture

Ok--someone back me up here--but along those same lines.....
The commercial for potty training comes on and the child is using the potty and then a parade breaks out with a full band and confetti and stuff---does that bother anyone else? It really unnerves me. Just had to say that because I know people who do exactly as the OP stated and it is really not necessary. Kids do enjoy sincere praise for something they did well. Kids need age specific discipline and boundaries, too. All go hand in hand--can't have one without the other or to appreciate the other.