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How do I get time/space with my child with extra kids around?

Mandymm's picture

My step kids need a lot of attention. My child is independent and can be alone. However, because of the difference in time they request, I end up feeling guilty every weekend the step kids are here about how little time I have with my own son. I really enjoy my time with my step daughter but I do feel bad that she has a stay at home mom, a dad, two very involved grandparents and my son only has me and his stepdad. I don't actually even enjoy my time with my stepson. He is whiny, whimpy and rude, and my only satisfaction in being with him is to help him be less like that.

smdh's picture

You need to schedule time with your son. Just schedule and do it. It could be anything. Sitting and talking, watching a movie, building a lego dinosaur, reading together, going out (if possible to leave skids with your dh). Your kid deserves your time even if he isn't asking for it. If it helps keep a notebook and jot down all the time you give your skids, that way if they or your dh or you start to feel like you're avoiding / ignoring them you can show them they are wrong. I wouldn't say anything unless someone makes a big deal about it or unless your skids consistently try to interrupt your time with your son. Just gently say "I am doing xyz with ds right now. You've had or you'll get your chance when I am finished". It will teach your skids patience (hopefully) and that the world doesn't revolve around them. ANd show your son he is important.

sterlingsilver's picture

I agree with Cheri, the dad should be the one spending time with his son and doing the care, not you, and you should not feel guilty AT ALL. My ss16 lives with us and has for 4 years and I used to think the same way but actually the less time and energy I put into him the less he demands and the less ungratefulness I get from him.