Does anyone know

Enuffsenuff's picture

My SO often tells me that his children's BM is "Crazy". I thought for a long time he was joking, but recently he told me that she suffers from cronic depression and refuses to seek help. He aslo tells me that her mother and grandmother have diagnoised mental health problems and have been on meds most of their life( grandmother ended up in a home and is now deceased). Is it possible for us to get a court order to have her evaluated.

She seems bipolar to me. Everything I've read about it sounds just like her. The "highs" and "lows" she displays are severe and often times when things happen in her life she calls crying saying she is too depressed to handle the kids and needs BF and I to keep them for her. She has trouble holding down a job and has often 'flown off the handle" over minor things.

She also has a history of alcohol abuse . In fact only a year or so ago she was in AA classes for a short time. Just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation?

happy's picture

Legal council on that..
I say this with one thought in my head..
It is very scary to think that she is not getting help because what if she unintentionally hurts one of her children? That would be very sad. A woman near where I live just killed her 4 children and tried to kill herself but she was saved from "Depression"..
It couldn't hurt to go and talk to someone..

OldTimer's picture

I've got 2, yes, 2 'crazy' BM's to deal with... okay, one is technically mental, and the other one is just naive, young, and well... a touch bit sensitive- so I thought until a few days ago.

Here's what I know.

Currently, we are going through a cs/cc hearing coming this Feb. For years, the relationship between DH and BM2 has been amiciable, until recently- out of the blue- things hit bottom.

To make a long story as short as possible, BM2 was always the "reasonable one", however, she has extreme seperation anxiety and for some reason or another, would never let my DH just pick up SD on his own, do the normal father/daughter thing, etc etc. IT always bothered me and I couldn't understand why, or her reason behind it. I mean, these two need their own seperate time apart from mom so that they can build and bond a relationship, plus this little girl has an entire whole new family to love her and thrive on... mine. But you see, I don't push for the information, it's a sore subject, I know that, so I get it in spurts as it come and be supportive of my DH.

I just found out (2 days ago) that apparently, from what DH has been informed over course of time (or maybe when they were dating... I don't know), BM2 may have been molested by her father, which is horrible, but it all starts to make sense. She has some real issues with this, never sought any kind of councelling and is extremely protective of her daughter- understandable. Now, I get it. Makes perfect sense. But inturn, she denies DH visitations left and right. So, SD knows nothing about what a normal father/daughter relationship is all about, and her mother has been manipulating her, projecting her experience on to her daughter.

And it's really gotten pretty bad. DH will be talking to SD on the phone, normal conversation that you would have with a 6 year old, giggling, laughin, generally happy and SD wants to come to our house to see Daddy, but the minute DH gets BM on the phone, she immediately tells another story. SD doesn't want to come over, etc etc. Infact, she told DH the last time SD saw DH, in Oct, SD was crying the entire way home... but when we left her, she was happy and smiling and giggling. Infact, DH and SD hugged/kissed each other like normal father/daughter would, and things were fine... so, I didn't understand her logic... until now. BM claimed that SD cried hysterically all the way home. How is it that she was sooo upset all of a sudden? If that were true, the only thing that I can think of is that SD was crying, upset that Daddy wasn't there, and BM used that to her advantage? Maybe? I don't know. Also, SD asked to come over to our home, pretty happy and excited, DH gets on the phone with BM to arrange a time, which BM immediately says that SD doesn't want to come over by herself... huh? It just goes around and around.

On top of that, she's been 'dating' some major losers... drug abusers apparently. Makes my heart sink as I type this. I guess one fellow she 'dated' was even abusive to her, and here we found out 3 months later that SD has been exposed to all this. Then she dumps the guy, only to get involved with yet, another drug abuser, this time with a criminal record, caught with a DUI and meth paraphernalia in his car, now is hiding out from the law. Meanwhile, she gets pregnant from this guy, loses her job, signs up for county assistence, which naturally the state is now coming after my DH for repayment and we're freaking out because SD is exposed to all of this.

Okay, back to your question. What we have been told is that you really need substantial 'evidence' to have this done. I mean major. Because ultimately, it's her word against yours. However, we also have been told that if questions are brought up during mediation, and she becomes elusive, not responsive to certain ques, the mediator can request and prompt for BM to be evaluated and seek therapy if the judge agrees and orders so. So, that's where we're at. We're in the same boat as you.

We also have another BM1 to contend to, who is also extremely mental. Currently, she is supposedly undergoing therapy, at least she was during the summer, I'm not sure about this exact momment, was on medication, and life is good you know... she finally settled down, but it was a long long long rough road with her. We just didn't know what would happen, she was sooo bent over with making our life a living hell, attacking us from every angle, just malicious about things. At one time, we asked about getting her evaluated, and we were told that it's unlikly they will inless we could show solid proof that she's physically hurting SS. However, the judge did agree that the circumstances of her action were pretty hostile and he did "ream" her about her behavior and put some extra 'provisions' in our order for her to follow.