Do you think Men and Women can be "just friends"?
I put this under General Discussion because it's obviously not a Step parenting issue. I'm curious as to everyones opinion on wether you think men and women can just be friends. Now my mother who is in her 50's says absolutely not. That it's not healthy for a relationship for one of the people involved to form a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. It creates tension, jealousy and hard feelings along with the chance of becoming intimately involved. What do you all think?
Do you think it's appropriate or no?
Does the time frame matter? Such as if they are friends from childhood or just met recently?
Do you think that it's asking for trouble if you are in a relationship and began a friendship with someone of the opposite sex?
What if the man and woman are both in serious relationships, but are not looking for interaction as couples, but as just the two of them forming a friendship?
Let me know what you think.
Alisha
Alisha
In today's society I am undecided.
I have a friend who there is a lady and she is pretty and my friend was talking to me about this person who we both just kinda wonder about from time to time, this woman calls and asks my friends hubby to lunch all the time. I asked my husband his opinion on this. Like if I went to lunch with a "guy who was a friend" and he said he would be very angry. Again its not that he does not trust me, its just something that I think you can be friends but I dunno.. Today's society has "ruined" alot of that, if you will.
Happy
I too am undecided, which is why I asked
I know noone can make up my mind for me, but I thought a little insight form others would help in forming my opinion--you know seeing it from others view point.
Alisha
definately
I work in a male dominated field, if I didn't have guy friends I would have no friends... I do have 2 girl friends, but more guy friends.
What about friends that are gay?
JMO
Gay people are different in the sense that if I had a gay guy friend my husband would trust that he did not want to jump my bones but his.. LOL.. Its different there..
I too work with about 14 guys and 1 woman, and I kid and joke with all the guys and stuff but I guess I maybe did not answer that right.
So here is my opinion.
If my husband had a woman friend and lets say she called and said hey you want to grab a bite to eat.. I would have to say NO. Because knowing that he is married and asking him to go get a bite is like a date. Now if she called and said hey would you and wife like to go get a bite to eat. Totally different.
I am totally stumped here. I know that if I had a guy friend who called and asked me to eat, whatever or just to talk my husband like me if the situation was reversed would not like it. Its weird to me.. JMO..
Again its all todays society..
but you missed
a lesbian, it is possible that she would still think you were hot and would want to go on a date with you if she could.
I think it is perfectly fine... as long as you are open with your spouse about what is discussed and what you do while you are out, if you aren't then maybe there is something wrong.
So you think it's different in each situation?
LIke yeahwelluknow said she works with a lot of men. I see your point, but does it stay a work type friendship? I mean I use to work out places and had "work friends" both women and men, but we never really got together outside of work. I"m talking more like friendships in your daily life.
Boy would I be introuble...
If I ran into your Mom... whew... she'd have a field day with me. :O }:)
I never used to get along with women, because they were so caddy to me, but I have found that as I got older the maturity level has also grown, and of course, women of my age I like
I also grew up on military bases, was a tomboy, and hung out with the boys.
All my life, I have had more male friends than females, lucky if I had 1 or 2 female friends around me for that matter, and never cared otherwise. I don't have any jealousy hang ups with my DH if he goes out with a co-worker that is a female, I don't care if he has female friends, in fact, I don't even now if he does... LOL. I trust him, doesn't bother me.
Same is true for me. He doesn't care whether my best friend was a male. When I met him, that's all my friends were, and he even invited them over. He saw first hand that "there wasn't anything going on" like people like to assume and insinuate.
For me, it's all about maturity and how well we get along. I think men tend to like me better than women, because I am extremely blunt at times, often speak my mind, 'one of the guys' or don't have much to say about it. It hasn't been until I hit my 30's that I've found I have become more emotional about things... damn bio logical clock.
In fact, this is somewhat off the subject, but it can relate, when my DH had a couple of buddies who were getting married, of course they had their bachelor party plans, and well, a couple of them were on the riskier side let's say... while he came home talking about the plans, and saying how one of his buddies was getting pressure from his wife with this and that, there better not be this or that, etc etc... he chuckled to himself. When the party time came and went, he came home, happy as a clown, and told me all about it. I didn't bat an eye, wasn't jealous, don't care, nothing, I knew whose bed he'd be in that night!
The next day or so after, he sees this buddy of his, and apparently he didn't have such a great night with his wife. DH relays his experience and the poor man responds... NO WAY! No, she HAD to be upset... or something like that, he just looked at him and said... Nope. Smiling the whole time.
Personally, I don't get it. I never had any hang ups with it. Even with the "ex" I don't have hang ups... so what? He slept with her, he married her, they had a relationship at one point. But it didn't work out for them, just as the same with my past relationships. I slept with my ex, what's different? We didn't work out, but DH and I did. We all have different personalities- some clause, other's swing. How would that be any different with friendships, you're just removing the sexual intimate relations out of it... if you don't, then there's a problem because then you are pushing the boundaries.
You have a great attitude!
I wish that this common sense, no nonsense outlook was contagious...I could use a bit of it from time to time myself! Thanks for your comments!
Okay spilling the beans
I was asking your opinions because of a situations I'm struggling with. There is a woman I went to school with. We were never friends, but never enemies either. We just never really hung out. I've seen her off and on over the years and never have we struck up a friendship.
My Bf and I have recently started running into her at b-ball games as she has a son the same age as our son's. Well I don't exactly have a desire to strike up a friendship with her for several reasons. #1 she is friends with BF's X and yet has bad mouthed BF's X to him --then went right back to hanging with her. I don't like two-faced people. #2 this woman has a history of "hooking" up with someone who is taken, or someone who is single while she is taken. I'm just not into all that drama and don't want a part of it. It's fine to talk with her at games, but last game she asked my BF to check out her myspace profile. He did and now they are e-mailing back and forth. I have access to this account and she sent a message saying "I really enjoy your company. We should get together somtime." Then gave her numbers.
I am bothered by this for a number of reason's. I mean there was no mention of me or her boyfriend hanging out and I believe she was not intending for there to be an open invitation to both of us--only BF. Also I find it strange that I went to school with her most of my life and she is talking and making friends with my BF and not attempting to make friends with me. As in there was no mention to me of her My Space-it was talked about when I was not there and she's never said to me "Oh we should all get together."
I also worry that this may be BF's X's way of digging up info and while we have nothing to hide--I also am a very private person. We live in a town where everyone knows everyone. I try to keep to myself so that my life isn't open to the public.
So I'm at a point where I wonder if I'm making to much of this and wondered if I'm just being insecure and jealous--or if my insticts are just screaming that something is not right. I completely trust Bf--it's her I do not trust. I tried to bring up the subject with BF and how I felt--he told me I was Crazy.
Anyway that is why I posed this question. That and the fact that my mom felt so strongly against the situation period that I wondered what others thought.
alisha
That is a touchy situation
I can see how that is alarming...
I don't like two-face people either, and I won't have anything to do with them, but neither would my DH. I would say that you do have a right to be concerned because the connections look pretty suspicious to me too. However, if you truly trust your BF, this probably won't be quite of a concern to you, because it would be pretty obvious that he's putting signals out there that he ain't interested either, you know. Could give him the benefit of the doubt?
So, perhaps you might mention to BF that he should be a little cautious because you feel uneasy with her all of a sudden interest in him. Then give him a little space, let the wheels turn, don't really elude to much more than that. Let him ask you the questions why, and just be honest with him about it. That may make him think, hmmm, maybe she's right, but don't try to pressure him or persuade him, otherwise, he may just resist, think you 'controlling' or jealous. Sit back and see what happens. He may be doing the same by trying to befriend her for information.
We have gut feelings for a
We have gut feelings for a reason......
If she didn't extend the invitation to BOTH of you......she's only interested in spending time with YOUR MAN. If she was interested in a freindship with YOU...she'd be e-mailing YOU now wouldn't she and not asking to get together and spend time 'enjoying your man's company'?!!
I've got a similar story...
The e-mail account is in hubby's name..but we all use it. I don't know if that's known by all who sent stuff...
This female acqaintance of both of us....met her at the same time..would send jokes once in a while...or send a how are you..what's new...e-mail every so often..
I noticed that what she sent to our home e-mail (his name)was a touch more riskay than some of what she would sent to my work e-mail(my name)and I began to wonder......hhhhmmmmmm very interesting..is it my imagination or is she flirting with him...but I blew it off.
Anyway, we had a pub crawl coming up...and he mentioned it to her..and asked if she wanted to come...(big group..the more the merrier kind of thing). She said OH ya, can't wait, be there with bells on...etc. etc. and almost as an after-thought she asks at the end of the e-mail. she says....... Will 'lovin-life' be there?
SO I say to hubby.....hhhhhhhhhhmmmmmm that is kind of unusual that she is all excited going to this thing with you.....usually a woman will check to see if other females are going first...BEFORE they commit to going to an event with a man, that they don't hang out with... He didn't think that anything was wrong and thought I was 'being jealous'.... I mentioned it to a couple female friends who agreed with me and told him...she is not crazy, this woman is chasing you....you dough-head!!!
He e-mailed her back saying.. Of course loving-life will be there!!!
Not only was she a no-show for the pub crawl after all the "be-there with-bells on" hoopla...the e-mails to hubby's address..stopped..
hhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm Co-incidence???? Maybe but ...I think NOT!!!!
Trust your gut!