Bipolar Bio-mom

newtostepmoming's picture

Hi Everyone, 

 

I wanted to get some input from people dealing with Mentally unfit biological parents. I am new to this and need help of an issues. The eldest child is 11 yr old girl and after every visit, we get an email from the mother blasting me on things that she does not approve of, from clothes, to food etc. The Bio-mom gets all the information from the eldest and who maybe innocently tells her mother about the weekend she had with her dad and step-mom and I bear the grunt for it later through phone calls and messages. Me and my husband are very careful about the convesations me and my husband have infront of the kids, but every other weekend when the kids are with us, we end up getting a phone call hours after the drop off about objection or criticism regarding our parenting. 

 

I dont know how to handle this? Is it wise to have a conversation with the 11 yr old?

 

Any help on this matter would be incredibly appreciated. .

 

Rags's picture

Block and ignore.  DH needs to file harrassment charges against BM to bring the pain and get her the F out of  his relationship with his kids.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Good luck.

Step-girlfriend's picture

This^^  This was our situation exactly. BM has been diagnosed as Bipolar, Anxiety disorder, and God knows what else. Every single time skids went by BM, we would get nasty messages, phone calls, saying how terrible we were and criticizing every single thing. Plus a lot of insults not relating to skids: I'm fat, my SO looks like an old man and is fat, SO's family is fat (noticing a pattern?), we are alcoholics...Most of the stuff she said wasn't even true (she makes up lies and says "the kids told her xyz"). It is exhausting. It's mostly under control, but only because we

a) Made communication mandatory through the Our Family Wizard app ONLY, in the C.O.

b) Prior to the C.O./Our Family Wizard, we blocked and ignored her

c) Ignore Ignore Ignore, block block block

d) Even when she writes crazy sh*t on OFW, we ignore. She starts to lose her thunder. Now a days we only get about 1-2 crazy messages a month. Last time it was about how the brand-new dress we bought SD for the first day of school was "ugly and worn out, there is no way it was new and she wasn't letting SD wear it". Which, it was obviously brand new, SD had picked it out herself, and the tags were still on it. She was just jealous because she heard SD say she loved me when she was facetiming SD. 15 mins later, we got that message.

Anyway, I never communicate with BM. Only my SO, and only as-needed. I would tell her once that if she continues to contact you to criticize and for no needed reason, you will be calling the police. And then try to get OFW mandated. This situation is so draining, I feel for you.

tog redux's picture

First off - YOU should not be communicating with BM at all.  DH should ignore BM's emails and phone calls unless they are necessary to respond to.  The child is doing what she feels she has to do to make her mother happy (ie, lying about things in your home).  If you say something to her, it should be along these lines - "I know you feel like you have to make Mom happy by saying bad stuff about us, but you don't- you are allowed to like being here and love us, too".  Try to build up her critical thinking.

newtostepmoming's picture

That is really good advice. I will keep that in mind for their next visit. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. 

amyburemt's picture

from bio mom. completely. block from your email, social media, phone. Let dh handle her. giving any reply to anything she sends or calls that is negative only feeds her narcissism.