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Is this Normal?

Cinawina's picture

I am happy to have found a site that I feel I can get support and/or a "been ther done that". I am Bio-Mom to 3 boys and Step-Mom to 3 boys and a little girl. My boys are ages 12,11,10,9,8,7 and my girl is 5. When I fist started dating my husband, he had all 4 of his children. Since then, my husband the the childrens Bio-Mom have 2 children living in each home. The boys do not like to be at their Bio-moms house. Recently she sent their Step-Dad to p/u my 7 s-son. he didn't want to go and my husband asked if he could just stay and skip the unscheduled visit. He was told that if they didn't take him now then the Bio-mom would come and take him when she got off work. He then dragged him to the car kicking and screaming. I was at work at the time but I feel like something is up with that. He never does this when we pick him up at her home or is dropped off at our home. My 5yr old s-daughter does the same when its time to go. Is this normal? I have brought it up to thier Bio-dad but he quickly shrugs it off as nothing. Am I being paranoid?


Endora's picture

With young children, they sometimes have trouble with "transitions" and will kick up a fuss when going between parents houses.

Maybe you can ask them why they are unhappy going when it happens?

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

Rosedeer's picture

It is normal at my house my ss does not want to go to bm house every he asks me to tell her 6 daddy days and 1 mommy day becuse the custody is every 3 days. He says he hates mommy and wants to stay at daddys and he is only 4, he cries on the 3rd morning when it is time to go to mommys and she thinks he is fine and nothing is wrong, she is sooooo stupid I cant stand it, so makes me soooo mad. I cant believe she had a kid she knows nothing.

Sia's picture

Second, we had problems with my sd (when she was Dirol not wanting to go back to BM's. It was always a very dramatic experience EVERY time. We found out later that the BF was abusing BM. I think I would check more into why the skids dont want to go home!

Conflicted's picture

That this is such an issue. My 4-year-old SS cries no matter which parent is dropping him off, he does not like to leave either one.

I know that when my son (now 11) was young he would kick and scream and cry and even hold on to doorways for dear life begging not to go to his dad's.

That is a very upsetting and scary sight to see. I would have to think that theres something behind it.... right? Why else would a child behave that way?

StepG's picture

has done this in the past and on occassion still does. Only he does it when he has to come to our house. For the longest time it really upset me then I stood back and looked at big picture and found that when BM was on one of her good rampages SS would act this way about us. Now once H would get and and come home with him SS was fine. It was all show for BN. Our BM is bi-polar we belive. One minute angry and acts nasty as hell and the next minute your best friend. I have witnessed her in front of SS get so mad at H and throw such a fit veins pop out in her neck. So in our case when BM was on a rampage about H SS was scared and did not want her mad at him like that. Now on occassion but not to the extent of crying when he has to go back to his mom's he says man I want to stay here but we do not tolerate the whinning and crap. BM does. I know that fighting goes on at BM's and sometimes it is physical. So I know that stresses SS but he worships the ground his mom walks on but will admit that she is mean and acts crazy. I think when they are little like 7 and under they have attachment to the custodial parent and when they have to leave them it makes them sad. Now if there is unruly fit throwing going on step back and look at the situation. Also our BM is with someone who has 3 girls SS's age and older and that has some to do with him not wanting to leave his mom's because he wants to play with the girls not his mom. You mentioned that you had 3 boys yours own and that may be some of SS's leaving issues he wants to be where the kids are and play.

Cinawina's picture

Thank you for all your comments. I feel a little better about what is going on. I will talk to the children and ask if they have any concerns. It seems like it is quite possibly the transition thing. After they are with BM they are ok. Thanks again.