I am just trying to understand where it went so wrong
With the holidays coming up I am in a bit of a mental bind. I read up on disengaging and honestly is seems as if my SKids are the ones who have disengaged from the family. They are polite and we have a very superficial relationships. If I texted them for example I would receive very short responces that hints no further conversation is wanted. As of late I haven't spoken to either of my SKids since the wedding in person. As for texts or calls; it's been months. I guess I am writing this because I have reached an epiphany. Unlike most of you, my SKids don't drink, use drugs, aren't in constant need of money, don't come into the house unannounced (in fact the last time SS was in our home he was 16; he's 24 and SD was 17; she's 22). I and DKids haven't been invited to my SS new home either. I have SKids who went abroad to teach French to disadvantage kids, or spent time doing humanitarian work in refugee camps abroad, have high paying city jobs, went to Ivy league schools and have very good jobs. Therefore if I complain about them to others I am the stereotypical evil SM.
As for DH, he mostly has to intiate activities or calls. They do call and send gifts for Father's Day, his and DKids birthdays but never mine or our anniversary. Sometimes they may even go out to dinner with us if invited, if not the gifts are mailed; we live 20 minutes apart 30 tops and get mailed gifts. As for holidays since they've been adults, they go to IL's gatherings and that is where gifts are shared usually the day after or before christmas. They usually get everyone gift cards and holiday cards. My parents get holiday cards mailed as well every year.
I think there needs to be a turning point of a discussion of sorts as to why or I just need to find a way to accept this. It is getting harder because SKids are both living in the area and the IL have been making an effort to be in their lives with positive feedback per MIL. MIL has been helping SDIL decorate her home. Apparently she is doing a wall of pictures of both SS and her different relatives. She asked MIL to help find pictures from DH's side of the family. SD and MIL have done a spa and lunch in the city and SD spent a weekend at the ILs and she cooked for them too.
For those of you wondering, I have never banned SKids from our home. And everyone in DH family, including DH just always seem to want to talk and boast about these kids (imagine the holidays with the lot of them). On top of that some neighbors and friends also ask and talk about how cool was that, that SKid did that. And sometimes I did not even know they did those things. Any thoughts on a discussion as to why or how to come to terms with this is much needed.