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Selective deafness in Skids

RLZ0073's picture
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14 and 13 yo SDs. They love to disagree with each other. Fight. Ridicule their grandparents... they’re really just crappy.

These are 2 disrespectful kids. Their extended family calls them ‘brats’. Their mom calls them the b word. Their bio parents have no backbone and I almost blew my lid when I saw that the oldest girl looking at memes (not science class type info) about oral sex (in its crude term) and other sexual things. Her father didn’t take away her electronics and her mother couldn’t be bothered to notice.

These girls often don’t say hi to me when they come over. They don’t say good night to me even when they said it to their dad who’s sitting next to me. They’ve taken things of mine... even damaged the couch I brought into the marriage by dumping water on it... even getting menstrual fluid on it and staining it.

I’ve tried hard to add a little discipline into their lives. When I ask a simple favor, like close the doors that they leave wide open, turn off a light... I expect that when I ask for you to do something simple, you go ahead and do it. It’s not like we make them mow the lawn.

The younger SD always complains about even the slightest molecule of light casting a glare on the tv screen. Grrr. So I said ‘if you please go turn off the light  in the kitchen, that will stop that glare’... I pause. Not even an acknowledgement. Completely ignoring me. Then I say again, ‘will you please turn off the light in the kitchen’. Absolutely nothing. With her dad right next to her you would think he would pipe up or she’d do something. Nope.

So I got a little miffed. I bust my ass all day at my physical job and the H sits on his ass and plays with excel all day. You would think anyone but me would be getting up... again nope. Since no one flinched, I got up, dropped my cellphone on the couch with a bit of attitude and I went and turned off the light.

SD starts acting like this sensitive, injured snowflake and starts going upstairs, faking like she’s so hurt. Her dad then gives me sh@t  for me being ticked off when they completely ignore me. When I was a child, you respected your elders... that meant all.

I’m sorry but this is our house (I pay the mortgage too) and my house always had rules. I don’t give a flying fig what the ex does in her house... This is the only place they can get structure. I know they’re not my kids... but what the heck, don’t I have a say.?

The days can’t go by fast enough til they’re out of our lives with the exception of holidays... 

Maybe I just needed to vent. Disengaging is not going to happen. This is my house too.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This is what life is like when you get involved with a crappy parent. Your man is the real problem, but those girls are at an age where they are unlikely to change. You say disengagement isn't an option, so either leave, or make things so uncomfortable for your man that he starts handling his brats in order to get your boot off his neck. HE is the problem, so put the fear of you in him because being nice only gets you a poop sandwich with these lazy parents.

You need to make your man FEELthe pain. Ream him good for letting his daughters be so rude to you, and make him more afraid of you than them. Lace up your bi!ch boots, bury a pointy toe in his derrier, and tell him he either starts parenting or exercises visitation elsewhere because you are tired of being disrespected by a couple of feral brats. Reclaim your position as the woman of the house! 

RLZ0073's picture

Yes I refuse to sit in my room all weekend like some of the ladies do on this website when their Skids come over.

i called the girls individually yesterday afternoon and explained to them that this is their Dad & MY house. And that things were going to change and if they don’t like the improved rules and responsibilities of this house, they do not have to come back.

I really don’t care what their BM & BD think. These kids are going to suck as adults if someone does treat them like the kids they are and effectively parent them. If someone doesn’t put them in their place... well, I could imagine they’ll be in for a real shock as adults

Siemprematahari's picture

You always have options! Not sure why disengagement or you leaving is not one of them. Your H is the one with the problem for not regulating his daughters and putting his foot in their @ss when they step out of line. Also, you are busy busting your @ss and he's doing what?

You need to give him a reality check. If not, be prepared for a life time of this BS.

RLZ0073's picture

Excel is spreadsheet software... he’s a very successful Contract Auditor in Oil & Gas. He’s was traveling internationally a lot when his kids were born. He was 37 and his ex was 40 when they married with the explicit goal of children, which makes no sense to me given his career at the time.

I am a Construction Manager in Parks & Recreation...

Rags's picture

Why do so many people find their soul mate who is wonderful.... except .... the part where they are crappy abject waste of skin parents?

Your house, your rules, you apply the escalating state of abject misery for any kid who fails to follow the reasonable standards of behavior in the home. If your DH doesn't like how you parent and discipline he can either step up and get it done before you have to or he can STFU and have your back until the two of you can discuss it in private.

If the "bitches" and "brats" can't behave and treat the adults in your home with respect they can suffer.

Make them suffer.

And have fun doing it.         Diablo

RLZ0073's picture

There’s a bunch of amazing people out there. Smart, accomplished, talented. BUT NOT EVERYONE SHOULD BE A PARENT! 

There are also a lot of trashy folks who get in trouble with the law, cheat on their spouses, are alcoholics and do drugs... and unfortunately these people become parents. Their kids live in less than ideal circumstances...

NOT EVERYONE SHOULD BE A PARENT. Unfortunately procreation seems to easy...

Point clearly made. 

Java_Junkie's picture

...if you're actually interested in CORRECTING things.

http://a.co/d/0HYhbU3

Explores and explains the problem, then even gives multiple techniques on how to get results in correcting it. I work with entitled people and it works on them. I have kids and SKids, and it works on them. Amazing techniques! If you want a 40-minute crash course, here's a youTube video (thought he book gives a lot more info, understandably):

https://youtu.be/NWg-CyOpjos