Boundaries with BM - too close for comfort!
Hello Everyone! So glad I found this site! So I'm in a bit of a dilemma with my boyfriend and his boundaries with his ex-wife and children’s mother (the children are 3 and 6). I feel as if they’re a little too close for comfort. We’ve been together for 8 months but things got pretty serious fairly quickly. He’s been legally separated for a year and a half but their divorce was just finalized a few months ago. They’re both amazing parents and I’m very thankful for that but I feel as if they’re too close for comfort. He gave her their marital home in the divorce. However, it feels as though he still feels like it’s his house. They have 50/50 custody and whenever he has the kids, he takes them over to her house to hang out all the time unannounced. On her nights with the kids, he still goes over to pray for dinner several nights a week, and tuck them into bed and snuggle. He also just told me he hired her to work the company they built together. They talk several times a day about more than co-parenting. It feels like she is still his therapist. I did bring up the fact that they talk about way more than parenting and he was receptive and said that he sees things from my perspective and apologized. Things have either gotten better or he is just not telling me when he talks to her now. I have met her and I am invited to go to her house when he goes, but it feels awkward. I feel like he finds any excuse to go over there. She has a new boyfriend and I feel like he makes comments about him that makes him sound jealous. Her new boyfriend stayed the night at her house in the guest bedroom, and my boyfriend made a comment to me about how upset he was that the new boyfriend was sleeping in the guest room that he stayed in during their separation period. Am I wrong to feel like he’s not the head of that household anymore so why does he care who stays in that room? Recently, on a night that they both didn’t have the kids (kids were at grandparents), he came over to my house after work dressed up like he was going to church and immediately announced that he needed to go to her house and get a clothing item that was still there (I didn’t realize he hadn’t even moved his clothes out!). He used the talk-to-text feature on his apple watch and said “hey hot rod, can I swing by and grab my jersey” at almost 10pm on a weeknight. She was home with her boyfriend and it just seems like he finds any excuse to interfere with them. I’m glad they’re amicable for the kid’s sake but I feel like it’s too close!! They also attend church every weekend together (I am invited and do attend occasionally but I’m just starting to feel resentful of the whole situation). I was out of town all weekend this weekend and saw on Facebook that they spent all day Saturday together at a lemonade stand for their kids. Someone help before I lose my mind!!